


Diary of a Hero!

by Remember_Summer_Days



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Canon Divergence, Diary/Journal, Disillusionment, Dramedy, Gen, Lesbian Character, Lost Futures, Nihilism, Nostalgia, POV First Person, Psychological Drama, Religious Conflict, Slice of Life, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:13:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 46,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24495517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remember_Summer_Days/pseuds/Remember_Summer_Days
Summary: For whatever reason Cynthia ends up in Fodland just before the start of the school year and decides to start her own diary because it's totally going to be in history books, nothing will stop her from becoming a true hero, no matter the place or the circumstances... But that's just her opinion.
Relationships: Cynthia&Catherine
Comments: 15
Kudos: 11





	1. Letter to Lady Rhea!

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, if you read the tags, this fic is gonna be different, at least I think so, expect mayor plot divergences and characters deaths in the plot, on that note, theres probably not gonna be any romance.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cynthia Writes a letter to Lady Rhea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, if you read the tags, this fic is gonna be different, expect mayor plot divergences and characters deaths.

I've always wanted to be a hero, okay but like a real deal super hero, none of those ugly, fat, good for nothing losers who are too stuck up in their butts doing “virtue” that won’t be ever be remembered, or whatever diplomats really do, heroism totally means going out into the nasty claws of danger and facing it head-on, literally. Maybe one eye open at a time, sometimes it gets too spooky you know.

Okay, listen, even heroes are entitled to be shaky about things like spiders, death, morality, confusing stuff, the sort of boring complications that makes you stumble in the middle of your epic speeches like an absolute coward, true pluck never ever backs down. Just like my mommy!

Yeah okay, I used to have the life of a princess, you know waking up at whatever hour you wanted, you ate everything you liked, servants would give your feet massages, maids cleaned your room and it could be like 3 in the morning, if you asked for cake, they gave it to you, for me at the time, living any other way was basically like being dead. But I let all of that girly pearly stuff out of my life loooong time ago! I gotta admit (Of course a TRUE HERO is always honest), I was such a mommy's girl, I was, again, past tense, Sumia´s little princes.

Those were the summer days, when I was next to my mother there was nothing more precious in my life than having her by my side, so of course I never forgave myself for losing her, what else could I really do? It still almost feels unreal, like she went to a faraway land instead.

Okay, I’m kinda rambling on, my point was when I lost her… How weird! Was I more angry or sad, well I know one thingy, it hurt so very like a lot, nothing ever can compare to it, not even bee stings, the pain seemed like an endless void of confusion, nihilism (This means nothingness, uh, I think), new and melancholic, scary emotions? By the way, not talking about puberty.

So, like at that point, who had time for makeup when your face looks like a weekend at the beach thanks to salty burning tears: I hate looking at myself in the mirror! But that woke me up to reality, all that nonsense about being the prettiest, now it was ninety nice percent pointless.

For example, I saw the boys, they didn’t mind taking a shower once a month, they were strong, not as strong as my mommy, but that was kind of the point, I realized had I been, well, just better, I could still be sleeping in her hugs, dreaming next to her.

I remember that one time when people weren’t paying all their attention towards me was when there was a hero around. I might have gotten the palace servants to buy all the flowers I wanted, but heroes got them for free.

Nah they didn’t give them out, they threw them like monkeys at them, nobody ever cared that a hero wouldn’t even noticed or care about the number of flowers they received, the point was, that hero was always in people’s minds, in their memories. Huh, kinda silly thinking boys where stronger! Silly me! I was such a I child!

And that’s when it struck me, heroism. I had to be stronger, to avenge her, to make her death an inspiration for the world, to make meaning, that’s why she died.

Well after that, things started sucking real bad for me and all of my friends, Lucy (That’s Lucina!) and I were not the only ones to lose our parents, in fact, all of our friends did! I mean like, what were the odds of that? Well, obviously 50/50, it either was meant to happen or it wasn’t. Wait were things meant to happen? This is making my head hurt, like a lot, what I’m trying to say is that , I guess we were all meant to become heroes, specially me, duh.

When your whole family starts being brutally murdered, I guess you begging to appreciate those few friendship you have, to be like completely honest I never liked being alone anyways.

Some of us took this hero business way more serious than others, that’s like the nature of real life, there are weakling and then there are heroes.

Like my cousin Owain, okay bad example, the both of us always used to try and rush first into battle like we would respawn if we managed to die, like we used to bet who could save more villagers, it was kinda fun, but like what was the point if like, I’m clearly the better hero?

Besides his “epic” catchphrases were garbage like “SACRED STONES”. Like it’s just a stone. Or mostly because he used to write stories and he always had me DIE.

“And then…! After my lust for blood has taken over my soul! I become the same embodiment of HELL that I swore to destroy!” Said my cousin, slamming the dinning table like it was not made of rotting wood.

“Geez Owain how many times I have to tell you! Going into gory rampages it’s not nice or heroic!” I told him, like I really didn’t care a whole lot about whatever he had to say, and he went on anyways…  
  


“And then…! After I finished KILLING EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM…! The guilt wrecks me…! But nothing can stop my craving for REVENGE. Always regretting… But powerless to resist…” You know, I would have found this scary, if I already didn’t totally know what was coming next.

“Wait, this isn’t the part where you bring me up in your weird stories!?”

“Then, the fair Cynthia tries to help me back into the road of justice…! But my recklessness has gone too far…! So you DIE for my SINS!”

“Why do I always have to, like-die!?”

“Because it’s the only way Owain the Dark can go back toward the path of justice… Your sacrifice won’t ever be forgotten.”

“I guess it’s kinda fine, as long as I’m like important.”

In a weird way, his stupid fantasies reminded me about my mother, why did I put up with his nonsense so much? Well, I felt like he really understood my feelings, in a weird cousin like way, and he was part of the justice cabal after all.

But he hardly was a real hero, that was Gerome, omygosh! I mean besides me. Gerome was like ten thousand percent plus two hero material. He is so awesome he doesn’t even need like, to talk!

“Gerome! Geromeee!” I grabbed him by the, maybe just a tiny bit too strongly, but who cared, I was jumping with excitement. “Time for our weekly hero talk already!”.

“I have nothing to say.” What? He really had nothing to say. Isn’t that just so cool!?

“Cmon! I love it when you used to tell me I was, graceful, beautiful, HERO, smart…”

“I-I a-already told you we’re not children anymore!” And just like that, he removed my totally innocent embrace.” A man like myself… Can only sit in the embrace of darkness…” That was Gerome, a total troglodyte.

“Ugh, stop being such a jerk! Fine! I know you hate me! But tomorrow we’ll talk about how much I love you and I’ll finally have my romantic confession okay!?”

Okay I’ll admit it, I was totally crushing on him. Maybe I should move to a topic that actually makes me feel better about myself.\

You know who was the COOLEST? Nah, I mean like, she could turn into a frigging DRAGON. It’s just that she was really annoying about it.

“Cynthia for the last time, I’m not turning into a dragon!” Now that I look back at it, why did she hate me like that?

“B-But it’s going to be totally amazing! Me, a dashing knight and a hero riding on top of a dragon in the sunset of victory! Oh! And you can do like a really big RAWR or something so it’s way more epic! Just, try not being a nerd while doing it.”  
  


“I-I’m not your prop!”

“Aww! But you just imagine the people going wild after I defeat the dark lord on top of you: We love you Cynthia! Marry my son Cynthia! Hip-Hip-hooray!... And then maybe, some of them will even chant for you!

Yeah, I wish I took the time to know Nah better, or my father, or my mother… Time really flies like it was nothing.

And duh, of course there is someone I even liked more than Nah! Of course, I won’t forget about my Lucy! Oh, words can’t do her enough justice, if there was anyone besides my super awesome mom whom I looked up to, it definitely was my big sis. Queen Lucina!

Although she didn’t like being called like that, she’s a total sweetie! Since that title came up with some sad memories attached, our parents being gone that is.

She was the best queen and sister one could ask for, she’s brave, full of wisdom, courageous, and has this Chosen One aura in her, how could she not? She was the wilder of the legendary Falchion! The very same sword, carved from Nagas teeth I think, used by the one and only, First Exalt! Pretty cool right?  
  


Now, I love so many, many things about the First Exalt Why not me? Well for one Lucy was the big sis, so she got them first, that being her big sister bragging rights, I never want to take that away from her, the only time she would give me those things was if she… I don’t even want to think about it. Moving on! 

There was this kinda mean thing that the First Exalt did to the rest of us, he didn’t destroy Grima completely, only put him to sleep for a thousand years, and you can guess, a few years later, here we are! It's very unfair we have to deal with his dumb mistakes, if only he had done the job properly, mother would still be…

Sooo at this point, you must understand it fell to Lucina and me, also the rest of our friends, to finally put an end to Grima, that is our duty, our destiny.

I gotta admit, it was kinda fun and full of satisfaction at first, there’s nothing more precious than saving the day, seeing the smile of innocents as you trample on evil like a total hero, the adoration is really something else, everyone knows who you are, you get flowers every day, kids hug you and write poems about your name!

Then you start losing, that’s fine I guess, but after that, the only thing you do is fail, you realize, you’re now only loosing, people, start dying and there’s no one to remember you… But I figured, living in any other way than in total adoration was like completely nuts, not living like that, it is like being dead.

It's not like I believe good, truth, beauty, justice (etc!) can ever be defeated, but at that point you also gotta get creative in the fight against villainy, things can get just a bit desperate, because even if Lucy had what was needed to defeat Grima, there was one problem, one the stones for the Crest of Flames was missing.

Luckily, we still got to have a talk with Naga herself! The best part: There was still a way for us to save the world! To go back in time through the out realms (Some magic stuff gate.) and prevent Grima from being reborn!

At first, not everyone was on with the plan, but of course, I was the first to volunteer, I understand, going back in time can be a scary thing to imagine, but nothing scarier as not seeing your parents ever again, more than anything I just wanted to see how proud I would make them.

I’m NOT scared by death! Its just not heroic to imagine they departed in vain. Geez! Good thing I got a sis to share shoulder in carrying their legacy.

The day came, we gave each other a big group hug, just thinking about it brings me to true and honest tears, we took the steps through the gate, sure that even if the path beyond was a hard and boring one, we would prevail.

But whoops! Grima and his army were following us through the gate this whole time! Their presence must have caused something to go very, very wrong because we all ended up separated. For some reason, I arrived in this weird land you people call Fodland!

As for the rest of my friends, I know they must be doing a-okay! The dark dragon must already be crying for mercy “NoooOO, im too evil to die!!!” I mean, they have Lucina, my sis! Of course, its gonna be just bit harder just because they don’t have Cynthia.

Well, one day I’m sure, they will come looking for little me, no way they forget! But right now, I’m doing hero duty in Fodland! I always pay attention, I figured I arrived here because of divine intervention, so this is totally my destiny. Naga knew I could handle it, of course

As for how I met the Knights of Seiros, well let's just say I had an epic, and totally planned entrance in the middle of the action, I did not fell down from my pegasus! Okay yeah, the landing was not like, comfy, but then again, epicenes mostly isn’t cute. Besides! I had no time to think of creamy landings, I found myself in the middle of a village being attacked by bandits!

The first thing that caught my fine-tuned hero senses was the depressing crying of a girl, screaming for the life of her mommy, I immediately rushed in, like duty calls, so you know, I had no time to think! Well okay maybe I should have taken a few seconds, but there was a reason I didn’t, in my rush towards the innocent family, I tripped over… Something?

That something, well it totally slowed me down, and ended up bumping with your knight Shamir, taking her down with me in the process, the good news was that I had just saved her from a sniper up on a tree, Shamir being the deadly machine she is, followed the trajectory from the missing arrow, and she headshot the sniper, ironic I know. At least that is what I think happened.

She aimed her bow to my head, as a hero I’m used to these kinds of misunderstandings all the time, so no biggie really. I had my priorities straight, so I yelled for her to do something about the family in front being attacked, two bandits, one of them was about to down his ax towards the mother's head, Shamir shot him in the chest like it was nothing! I threw my lance like thunder against the other bad guy, it was close thou! Shamir finished him. She gave me some sort of deadly frown, and was probably about to do something not so family friendly, until she heard the call of her bestie, Catherine! She was being routed by reinforcements! Another obligation to fulfill! I ran like a hungry fox to her aid.

Suddenly I felt full of hype and resolve, my Exalt Brand was on! Or I guess this is what you guys here call “crests”, I flanked Catherine, meeting with a foe in front of me, he swung his axe, but he did not know the girl he was messing with! I ducked under his attack, took hold of my lance and stabbed him on the chest.  
  


Doing this managed to get the attention of some of the bandits, I could already feel one of them coming behind me, I took my lance off the fallen corpse, and hit that backstabber in the making with the base (That's the part of the lance that goes behind the tip, Laurent thought me that!), I quickly turned to face him, immediately went for a quick swing, FWOOSH! Two down. I flung my lance to the next one, who was rushing to get me. These thieves were quite the clumsy bunch I tell you.

That's when I saw, the most awesome fighter I had ever seen, omygosh! Catherine was kicking sooo much hiney with her glorious, gleaming THUNDERBRAND! AHH! So HEROIC! Every delivery of her blade seemed like something out of an epic legend, she was destroying those baddies like it was nothing! I have never seen someone SO GOOD at her job! I get why you took her in Miss Rhea.

Shamir also did some stuff, she was cool, but nowhere near Catherine if you ask me. But who was? Oh my god, I was screaming so hard in excitement they probably thought I scarred the rest of the thieves away… And maybe some of the villagers.

“Omygosh! Y-You were so very totally heroic! I- What's your name!? I MUST know your name!”

“Wha- Ah, so you were the one making those noises, thought someone was dying. That's a relief.” Said Catherine.

“Relief!? Okay yeah, uh-hu, totally!”

“You are taking notes…?”

“Of course! I write everything super important on my hero journal! So that I can be a super-duper hero you know!

“So, you think I’m a hero then? Not new. Listen-“

“Oh and! Your sword fighting techniques! Was like, the best, ever! The way it was glowing! AHH!

“Hey kid, please be quieter, I don’t want others to think I’m giving you the torture treatment.”

“Torture!? If you say so then yes! I never thought of that as being like heroic, but you’re clearly the-“

“Listen, there’s nothing heroic about that, nor is there anything special to what I did, so it’s better if you just stop all of that”

“Catherine do you know who this kid is?” Shamir interrupted her.

“I don’t. But hey! A day when I see you safe is a good day Shamir!”

“Stop what you’re doing and speak your name”. Shamir then turned her attention towards me.

“Is she… hyperventilating?” Continued Catherine.

Okay fine, maybe I went a bit overboard, but like I had to make a good first impression! Ok!? So yeah, I took a few deep breaths, maybe like thirty I don’t know. Figured my introduction had to be really special. Soo, I took my lance, ran back, then I lunged my way forward and used it as a catapult! Of course, it broke in half but that WAS NOT GOING TO STOP ME.

“IM CYNTHIA, HERO OF YLISEE, PERVERT FOR JUSTICE-! … E-Eh, wait that did not come up well… IM CYNTHIA SECOND BORN OF SUMIA QUEEN OF BASTARDS! No! I meant like, she rules over bastards not like… Aw, pegasus dump, why am I so…!

“Who is Sumia?”. Said Shamir

“Well, duh, she’s… You know, queen Sumia? The Pegasus rider? Slapper of husbands?”

“Doesn't ring a bell.” Shamir replied.

Catherine continued.

“Queen Sumia? Queen of what-“

“Ylisse! QUEEN OF-“

“Wait a minute, say we humor you, you’re saying you… Are you a princess?”. Said Catherine.

“E-Eh!? You don’t recognize me!? Of course I am a princess, the-“.

“You, a princess”. Said Shamir.

I nodded in excitement; I was not so sure what she meant like that but… Good for me!? Well, so Shamir continued. “It would be more believable if she didn’t make up a country in the middle of her tale.” What!? She’s calling me a liar!? The nerve of this girl! Of course, Catherine being fair as always retorted. “There's a bunch we don’t know about the world, its been long since I neared a geography book. Can't say you’ve been studying anyways.” Shamir smirked.

“See those guys over there? You took care of them?” Said Catherine.

“Yeppers!”

“Okay, at least she is a capable fighter, and consider her very, very… youthful age.” Said Shamir.

“She's definitely an interesting fellow, Cynthia is it? I’m Catherine, please just call me like that, none of that hero stuff around here.”

“I'm Shamir, that’s all you need to know.”

“What a moment, stay where you are.” Catherine pulled her sword out her scabbard, slowly closing in. “Yes sir!-“ She signaled me to be quiet, once she was close enough, she stood there, eyes wide open, Shamir crossed her arms, almost in boredom. Catherine finally broke the ice. “You have a crest?” Catherine seemed very surprised, at the time I had like zero clue of what a “crest” was, so I used my detective skills. Thankfully Catherines really nice! She explained it to me.

“That kinda sounds like my mark of the Exalt!”

“You are coming with us.” Said Catherine.

“GOSH! Thank you so so much, you’re SO cool! I'm SO happy to be joining you! We are totally gonna kick butts working together!”

“Quiet.” Said Shamir.

Then things got kinda boring on the way to the monastery, since I wasn’t able to talk and stuff, but fear not, a hero uses every opportunity for studying…? Well I tried doing something productive in the meantime so I started counting the flowers that I spotted on the road. What a shame I forgot the number! In the middle of our trail Bellfire, found us, she came down gracefully like a winged horse, Catherine and Shamir were weirded out by it, but I clarified I was a pegasus knight, they let me keep my pegasus as long as they had him on a leash. Bummer, but what can you do.

After what felt like a TOTAL eternity. I started seeing the monastery in the distance, the excitement started waking me up again, its great walls and towers scared me a bit, but the chills came down when I realized I had to climb all the way up there without flying.

Those thoughts quickly faded away as I entered into the town and then the marketplace, there were actual people, doing business and stuff! Children laughing, men and women working, smiling, living their lives, mothers hugging their kids… Not a care in the world, well at least not a care for imminent death that is.

I also saw Anna along the way, the idea that somehow the Anna family had managed to get here, I don’t know, it made feel a bit safer, in an estrange way it reminded me a bit of home, I couldn’t remember what Ylisstol really looked like before the war, but I assumed it must have been something similar to this.

Once inside the monastery, I was not allowed to pay too much attention, I needed to keep moving, but let me tell you Rhea! You have such a beautiful, church is it? It just has this heroic and sacred look you only get in legends, the sunset on the bridge that goes into the cathedral, the glass window, they seem like a heavenly hug each time you pass by them, I have seen so little things as beautiful in my short but definitely heroic life!

Your goddess really blesses you. The only pretty architecture I recall from my world are those of drawings, everything else is kinda down to the ground at this point.

When I first entered into your chamber, I was so sure you were some sort of queen! Everything else inside was like seeing a palace, yeah, I totally thought Seteh was your husband, awkward…!

And your presence there was something to it… Motherly you know? But like of those mothers who lost something precious to them, carrying on with regret for the sake of their loved ones… Yikes, I'm no good with feelings! But there is nothing more sacred than a caring mother! That's why even when Catherine turned me in, I was not afraid, well maybe just a bit when I tripped and almost broke a chandelier.

Seteth was the first to speak.

“Please tell your name.”

I was not about to screw up my entrance again, this time I was ready!

“I am Cynthia! Eater of crime, cook of justice!”

Nailed it.

“Excuse me, Cynthia of what?” Said Seteh.

Well, there’s one thing I know!

“C-Cynthia daughter of Sumia, destroyer of low self-esteem!”

“Cynthia daughter of Sumia, Catherine has told us you seem to possess royalty in your bloodline, is what she speaks of the truth?”

“Yeppers! One hundred and ONE percent fact in there! I'm the daughter of king Chrom and Queen Sumia of Ylisse, sister of heir to the throne Lucina, savior of Ylisse. I gave her that nickname by the way, pretty epic right!?” I even made it rhyme! That's when Rhea interrupted, her gaze captured by a deep curiosity.

“I have been told you possess a crest on your body.”

“Right! You mean the mark of the Exalt!”. At this point, it was getting a bit annoying how no one like at all even knew what an Exalt was, so I had to explain the whole thing again, I talked about how the mark gives you special powers, the story of the first exalt…

“Naga? She is… a holy dragon?” Said Rhea, looking incredibly confused, and even excited.

“Yeah, she blessed the blood of the First Exalt, and the mark is a sign of that.” Seteh and Rhea both turned to look at each other, looking totally surprised.

“Is this holy dragon a goddess of sorts?” Said Seth.

“Guess so, she’s like super powerful and stuff. Her descendants are pretty holy too, like Tiki. Hey! You kinda look like her miss Rhea! OH! Are you by any chance related or something!? I so LOVE dragons you know!” Rhea you looked surprised, and a tiny bit happy? I don’t know.

“I-I see…So these manaketes, they are worshiped in your world…” Said Rhea.

“Not only that! Some people totally marry them! Its kinda weird, but to each their own. One of my besties is even a cute dragon herself!”

“How very interesting, and pleasing.” Said Seteh.

“Indeed… The idea of both your species living in harmony with such creatures brings immense joy into my heart, what is the name of this friends of yours?” Said Rhea.

“Nah.”

“It's prudent to keep your fair secrets, but please refrain from speaking to Lady Rhea in such manner. Now, we must take a look at your crest”.

“E-Eh… I-Is it that necessary? Aren’t my super awesome hero possess enough to prove my royalty?”

“Very, how else are we to believe you are not playing a jest on our souls?” Said Rhea.

“Duh, because heroes never lie! How else can you take the credit for a deed if people don’t know who you truly are silly!”

“You put a lot of trust in others abilities to make good use of the truth” Said Rhea.

“Yeah! Truth never hurts anyone, only liars, meanies, and deceivers!”

“And we're not sure of what you are, if a hero never lies, she shouldn’t be afraid to show the truth to the world, unless she’s a deciever, and you’re giving us reason to believe you do in not showing us your mark.” Replied Rhea, demanding but it was like when your mom asks you to take out the trash or something, so I had no other option, I put out my armor, and showed them the mark, I can’t complain, I’m grateful I got one at all, but I would’ve been even more grateful had it not appeared on my heel of all places! Can you think of a less heroic part of the body to have your mark on!?

“You´re not a liar. The goddess favors those who do not lie…”

Then you dismissed me, and I went into jail for some reason, but not for one second did I doubt your judgment. Well actually one second was very short time, it was more like a day? Or two, BUT, Flayn was always there to calm me down, she was like the cutest thing ever, I imagine she would prefer the world delightful thou, she’s just soooo big brained for her age, like she has lived for a thousand years. So yeah, she used to come and talk to me at my cell when no one was looking.

“Miss! I hope im not bothering you at all-“

“DUTY BRINGS ME FORTH! Oh, hi! You need me to gut monsters’ little girl!?”

“Um… No, it’s just, rumor says that you come from another world… And I…” Flayn looked to the sides, surely making sure no one else was listening. “ I would greatly enjoy getting to know more about it, if it's all right with you!”

“Aw, that’s a bit boring but, okay! Im always 24/7 on duty!”

Then my tummy growled like a dying cat. Guess I forgot to eat since I got here.

“Oh! Let me cook you something miss! Do you like fish!? Silly me! How should I call you?”

“Cynthia, I rather have bear meat but fish is okay.”

“Bear…? You are truly whimsical!” Rude! That was an insult, right? “Then, I wi gladly prepare some fried fish for lunch!”

“Your parents let you near the kitchen? You don’t like… Burn or cut yourself or anything? I wants allowed near it until they-“

“My parents? Oh, I’m afraid…” Flayn looked down like a puppy who has gone through a lot of pain.

“Silly me! Wheres my manners!? I meant Miss Rhea and Mr Seteh.” Flayn turned crimson red like fresh tomato, at the same time she giggled with some innocence and everything else.

“You truly are amusing! Seteh is my big brother. Oh! Please don’t tell him we had this conversation! It would make him very mad.”

“I swear on my duty as a princess I won’t!”

See!? That’s how it went, goes to show my memory is totally reliable and all. So, you and Seteth can trust this report miss Rhea! Now that reminds me, Catherine told me you like being called Lady Rhea, so, uh, I will call you like that, yeah. And in that note (Get it!?) I am SO GRATEFUL that you assigned my Catherine herself! (AHH) As my personal trainer! I will so totally make you all proud, I mean for a reason you took interest in my abilities of course! I vow to become the best knightly hero I can be!

Whops! I guess reports need an address…? It's likely not that important, I think. Anyways, I hope this report is of your satisfaction Lady Rhea, pinky promise I won’t disappoint you!

—————————————————————————————————————————

And that’s the report I sent to Rhea and Seteh! You know I really enjoyed writing all of this, besides its really important for when they write about my amazing deeds in history books, but its totally not only that.

I guess I want you sis to have a memory of my adventures, you know, when we meet again. I can only imagine how much different life would be if our parents wrote about their life in a way that we could know them better. Was it ever in their minds that their memory could be abandoned?

Duh, probably not since they have us Lucy, I guess that’s our duty, to carry on their sacrifice and use that to change the world and all that good stuff. That’s why we need heroes, to act on the remembrance of the departed, if we don’t do that, then they are truly dead. Mommy always thought me I could do anything, maybe even save her life.

So yeah, I guess that means this a diary now, but none of those girly, useless diaries, this is gonna be the decisive hero diary of justice and beyond! Thats why im gonna name it Lucy! In your honor sister! So uh, kinda tired right now, I guess that’s it for today, I have a super hype training crusade with Catherine tomorrow! Gotta get that pony princess sleep!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, if you actually made it this far, thank you soo much for reading! I ran this thing through a spell checker and read it multiple times, still its probably gonna have spelling and grammar mistakes through it, im just not good at it. English is actually not my first language, so apologies for that. But I will go on and correct any mistakes.
> 
> Honestly I had tons of fun writing this and I hope you guys liked reading it, any criticisms are greatly appreciated :D
> 
> The nexts chapters are probably gonna take a while to come out, since I wanted to release this prologue so that I got an idea of what people thought of the general concept of the fic.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> UPDATE 17/12/20:
> 
> Made changes to the part where Cynthia introduces all her Ylisse friends, also reworked and added some more paragraphs. Fixed some spelling mistakes
> 
> UPDATE 10/1/21:
> 
> Cut some heavy exposition and fixed some grammar issues.


	2. Entry 1: "Meeting my Arch Nemesis!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The heroic Cynthia begins her life at the Garreg Mach Monastery March Monastery and like every made-up myth, she finally meets up with her anti-thesis, Catherine, I meant The Death Knight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a while, but hopefully you guys will still enjoy it nonetheless.

Dear Lucy you have no clue how TOTALLY exciting my new life has been in these last few days, I finally found my _arch nemesis_! Ok, yeah, I know, you guys think I get a new “ _arch nemesis_ ” as often as Inigo finds girl, but, this time it’s actually super serious. Every great hero needs an equally _epic_ adversary. Now that I really think about it, mommy never told us about her nemesis.

But no spoilers, for now, so lemme tell you the story of the ages of how I met him. It was of course all thanks to Catherine. Lucy, all the knights here are total sweethearts, I was always popular, but really, everyone here is so nice! Except for Shamir, she like, never smiles, which totally creeps me out.

Like that girl Flayn, she has been bringing me breakfast. Finally, someone recognizes the treatment a _hero_ needs, all in exchange for hearing one of my heroic adventures! I have told her so many of our epic tales by now, like that time we teamed up to cut down a spider, or that apple we pealed with Falchion. I have yet to speak about the risen, Grima, the screams of the dead asking from the flames for help, you know, our everyday jobs.

Honestly, like I don’t wanna remember that icky stuff at all, and Flayn is like five so I don’t wanna traumatize her. Still, I will make sure they also know your name around here, dear sister.

I really miss you all, even Severa of all people, she was a stupid jerk, but… I guess I totally never realized she was always there for me, just like everyone else. Please come back for me soon, I don’t hate Fodland at all, but it's not home. Okay! First thing I’ll do when you guys come back is confess to Gerome! Actually, before that I will give you a big, awesome hug.

Now that Catherine is training me, she took some time out of her super-hero schedule to know me, each day at dinner we would go out and eat with her fellow knights, actually mostly Shamir and Alois. Writing it like this sounds like a bunch of gossip, it's really not, but Catherine and Shamir REALLY are into each other, _if you know what I mean_ sis. In case you don’t know that means, it means they are crushing on each other.

“After all this time you found someone who can compete with your appetite.” Said Shamir, glancing back at Catherine

“It's not gluttony! A super **hero** needs _super calories_! And extra cheese and chocolate crust.”

“Ha, good thing she’s under my watch then, wouldn’t want anyone to beat me in an eating contest.” Said Catherine, with sarcasm?

“You don’t seem to be awfully excited about it”. Said Shamir. Catherine sat down looking at her plate.

“Lady Rhea gave me this task, and Im honored-“. Said Catherine.

“There you go again.”

“Yeah, and I'll keep going. You know how I feel about Lady Rhea.”

“I wonder Catherine, if Rhea ever asks you to burn down a city, I’m sure you’ll do it.”

“That is the path I chose, my heart and blade belong to Rhea, there’s no other way I rather be.”

“Yet, Rheas heart does not belong to you.”

“Ladies please! May I tell you about the time Jeralt and I-“Alois tried to interrupt.

“No.” Said both of them at the same time, they totally missed an opportunity to jinx each other.

Awkward…! You know I had to do something, after all a hero must seek diplomacy or something. I hate seeing bffs fighting.

“Catherine would never ever do something awful like that, she’s a **real hero**!” Then everyone got quiet for a few seconds, you could hear Alois munching on his fish dinner. “I´m not a hero.” Said Catherine. I giggled, that made nooo sense at all. “Silly! Of course, you’re a total hero, you strike baddies, you-” I paused. “Well that’s all you really need!”. Catherine put down her knife and fork on the table, it seemed she was not in the mood for a munch any longer, that didn’t stop her from sipping on more beer.

“The only thing I do is cut down foes for the sake Rhea and the Goddess. What’s so admirable about that, hm? Nothing.” After those words, I got a total brain fart. Honestly, it made me kinda mad… And a bit sad.

“I couldn’t care less about that, but your recklessness is going to get you killed. “Said Shamir, looking back at Catherine, then she replied.

“You say that as like it bothers you Shamir.”

“I-“ Shamir went back at finishing her plate. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Pftt! Don't worry Shamir, she is _THUNDER BRAND CATHERINE_ , she is like an immortal. Well, uh, thunder only lasts like five seconds and then dies with a bang, but, like…”

“You don’t have to worry about it Shamir, I have my partner to look out for my back.” Catherine continued.

Shamir smirked. “Am I supposed to entertain you’re talking about me?”

“Who else? Alois?”

“Ladies that is quite rude! I am still here, oh, but I couldn’t blame you, if I was still working with Jeralt however, things would be-“

“No.”

Thankfully things cooled down after that because drama gets so tiring, those two should just like get married already.  
  


I even forgot what was I upset about in the first place, silly me! We all finished our meals, of course, I took some extra dessert. Catherine and Alois instead drank some beer, well a little more than some. I never got how people like that cursed drink, it tastes so nasty! And it makes you do… Unheroic stuff.

“Cynthia, perhaps you could speak a bit about yourself? Only fair we get to know you better.” Said Alois.

“Im Cynthia daughter of Sumia the-!”

“You can skip that part”. Shamir interrupted.

“Huh, you really love your mother.” Catherine continued.

“Uh-hu! Totally, she’s the only reason I fight!”

“Reminds me of someone.” Said Shamir.

“Pardon me miss Cynthia, I hope it's not to ask you, why hold such feelings, nothing wrong with loving your parents I mean! But why is your mother specifically so important to you?” Said Alois.

“It's A-Okay Alois! Aw, jeez! I’m totally blushing right now, aren’t I? Well for once, Sumia was my mother.”

“Well… Yes, I-I suppose.” Said Alois, confused for some reason.

“And, she was like the best mom one could ask for, she cared for me like no other.” I’m not really good with words, in that case the best thing you can do to turn a conversation interesting is gossip! “Im going to tell you all a secret, but you have to pinkie promise not to tell.” Alois was the first one to pinkie, Catherine and Shamir reluctantly followed.

“When I was younger, I used to be this total klutz!”

“Yeah, I won’t tell that to anyone, no way they can figure it out otherwise.” Said Shamir.

“So I used to fall and loose a few teeth every time and there was blood everywhere, it was so totally dirty and icky. Everyone would run away from me like I was a loser or something.” I took a quick glance back at my drink, which now was empty, it made me lose focus for a bit, I quickly continued. “Which I’m not anymore! Anyways, mommy always picked me up, and didn’t mind get her pretty dress dirty of royal blood for me, I remember resting in her lap, all covered in nasties, I was weeping, she would brush my hair with her soft hands and sing me the pretties’ songs… “

I looked back at my empty cup again, what was so special about it in the first place? Well, mayhaps I didn’t have anything else to look at, I couldn’t stand the idea of seeing the other knights for whatever reason. I continued. “I never wanted that moment to end. Every day I would wake up, knowing she was my hero.” Catherine was also looking down at her cup of beer, like trying to keep drinking but feeling guilty for doing so.

“What a lovely lady! Perhaps I could learn one or two things from her in my parenting capabilities! If not to bothersome, we should arrange a meeting!” Said Alois.

“She's dead, isn’t she?” Said Catherine.

“Wah-! How did you know!?”

“We just don’t speak that way of the living, I know that much.” Catherine continued.

“It was all my fault! If was not so… Darn… Stupid… Clueless, and useless she wouldn’t be!”

“It’s probably not your fault”. Said Shamir while she continued with what was left of her meal like it was nothing.

“It is! I was such an ungrateful jerk! I only thought about girly stupidities like looking pretty, getting the attention of the boys, doing diet! I was so sure I only was a princess that I forgot to protect those I love!”

“Spare me your pity”. Said Shamir, stupid jerk.

“Hey there partner, she seems fine enough! Haven’t seen that kind of determination in a long time! “Catherine paused, thinking about something. ”It brings the old times, I used to be so careless, always putting my allies in danger, and that would have cost me my life, had it not been for the grace of Rhea, the day she saved my life…” Catherine rested back on her chair, she was totally blushing, to Shamir’s annoyance.

“To this day it feels like a spark of eternity.” Catherine took a big sip out of her beer and went back into a straight position. “And that was all my choice! Listen, you can only take revenge for yourself, not anyone else.”

“I’m not taking revenge; revenge is totally unheroic!”. For some reason, at that moment I was kinda afraid to look back into Catherine's sight, I mean more than the usual, would she scold my face? Did I just lie? So I used my princess abilities to break the ice. “So, Rhea is like your mommy?”

“W-What? No, of course it's not like that!”. Said Catherine, almost hitting the table, jeez, she was blushing, even more, this time around.

“You see her as something higher than your own mother.” Said Shamir.

“I´m not gonna say that’s completely wrong. She is much more and yet not completely like my mother.” Catherine went back to her beer.

“Excuse me Catherine, would it be wise to say, perhaps you are making her to be… Your _mother figure!_?”

Then I did something so completely unheroic.

“OMYGOSH! THAT'S SO FUNNY.” Aw, bonkers! I couldn’t help it, Alois was SO hysterically funny, I’m like gonna write down any joke of his from now on. What I’m not going to write about is all the liquid that came out of my nose drills.

“Please, you don’t have to that rude to me today, I know my humor is not champion tier but… Wait, are you actually laughing?”

“I HAVENT HEARD SOMETHING SO FUNNY SINCE… Like… Ever!”

“So, Catherine, Rhea would want you to clean up her heroic nose.” Shamir continued.

“At least it's pretty clear she can _smell my humor.”_

_“_ YOU'RE THE FUNNIEST MAN ALIVE ALOIS _!”_

_“_ Oh no _”._

You know Lucy, there’s nothing like going to bed, belly full, and a big smile on your face, even after all the good times I had with you sis, it got… Well, boring, to always go to count sheep after seeing our failure of saving innocent lives. Yeah, I still count sheep, they are pure, cute, and fluffy! Just like mom! And unlike the faces of those, we couldn’t save. Anyways, I had a big day tomorrow, since it was gonna be my first training session with Catherine.

“I admire your enthusiasm, but—No need to wait for me since three in the morning.”

“It's okay _Cat_! I have been saving up so much time by rehearsing our heroic possess beforehand!”

“Uh, who is this _Cat_?”

“Its you silly! Since we´re crime fighting besties, it would be totes appropriate to obliterate darkness with a cool _slogan_!” Catherine gazed at the ground, looking dingy, like regretting her life choices. _Weird_. “So we C&C! Cynthia and Cat! Crime Crushers! Get it!? It's like a double meaning!” Catherine then sat down, probably taking it all in.

“Show one of those moves you practiced.”

“Prepare to witness the apotheosis of _butt-kicking_!” So I closed my eyes, because im a good student and all, I took my wood lance, triple jumped into the air, released my hair mid-air, smiled because I gotta look cute, stretched my legs mid-jump, but not too much because I’m not a pervert, then I moved my left hand forwards like a punch. Then I felt a huge blow on my back, good thing I was used to falling down in the battle field.

“OUCH-! Y-You meanie!”

“Guess I’m mean. See that over there? That’s your lance. I hit you in the middle of whatever that was and now you are unarmed, your next move.”

“Aw-! Common, that is so not fair!” Catherine hit me with her training sword right in the middle of the head.

“Now you’re dead.” Catherine extended her hand, I took it. She then hit me in the stomach. “I just stabbed you, why did you take my hand? I just hit you, took advantage of your trust, and yet you fell for it again.”

“B-Because, you’re my friend!”

“You really got a lot to learn.”

“You're not my friend?”

“Never said I wasn’t, but above all, I have the duty to train you well.”

“But duh! A real friend would never trick me in battle!”

“I just did, take for what you will. If someone you trust can do that, imagine what your enemies will do.”

“B-But t-thats not true! Battle is about all that good stuff of honor and bravery! Otherwise, is just meaningless slaughter you know!” Catherine shook her head and sighed, maybe she couldn’t handle the truth! Or maybe, she did not feel like arguing, sort off when you see a mother whose kid just doesn’t know any better, and for the time being there is only resignation. It made me feel totally blue at the time, however Catherine is not one to waste time in emotions, cause she is just awesome like that. “All right, first one to drop into the ground loses, and by the way, no crests, or tricks.” Aww yeah! I was so totally ready for a moment like this, I must have smiled like a little puppy on cookout day.

Catherine pulled out her training sword and lunged into me, I blocked her attack with my lance, pulling her back, she looked satisfied with this action, which it just made me so much more hyped. I took the initiative, this time I lead the attack, jumped into the air, thrusting my lance forward, and, uh, nothing came out of that. Catherine swung her sword, I ducked under it and hit her stomach (Gently of course!) With the tip of my lance, pulling her back. Yeah, things were going pretty well for me, until they weren't, you know I tend to forget the details when I’m loosing Lucy! Besides that day I… I was tired because I couldn’t get any sleep or whatever. Yeah.

So down in the ground, kissing dirt like a complete failure, Catherine reached her hand yet again. I never hesitated to take it, she pulled me up.

“You shouldn’t have taken my hand.”

“I… I don’t get you! I mean, you would take Samir's hand on battle no matter what!”. Catherine frowned, she said nothing while cleaning herself up and removing her training gear, after she was done, she finally replied.

“Shamir and I are way too different to have that sort of relationship. I do that out of my own recklessness” Of course, her feelings for Shamir were soooo obvious to me, but since I didn’t want to press the matter… Well, the fact that I didn’t want to didn’t stop me, of course.

“Hey lovebird! C’mon, you know what is like the reckliest thing ever!? L-O-V-E.”

“I-I don’t love her! And this is none of your business anyways!”

“Would you die for her?”

“…No. Well…”

“You hesitated! So, when’s the wedding!?”

“None of your business! I-I mean you sniffing around in my relationships!”

“Okay but then like, Rhea! You would take Rheas hand eyes closed and everything else!”

“T-Thats different.” Catherine walked and put the armor in its rack. “Rhea is much more than a friend, words can’t describe it-“

“Then why me!? You understand sometimes you just gotta take a friendly hand no matter what!”

Then a royal guard came in, with the same blah blah of: “Hope im not interrupting anything” or whatever, and I’m like, of course you are doofus! But maybe it was for the best, two girls getting heated is never a good thing. And maybe Catherine was having her period anyways.

“Lady Rhea is requesting your presence.” Said the guard. Catherine stepped forward. He apologized. “S-Sorry for the misunderstanding, I meant, she requests Cynthia's presence.” Catherine stopped right in her tracks like a kitten being denied milk. She nodded, and looked back at me signaling to go on, I forgot to clean myself up, but Rhea totally didn’t mind! Oh, just before leaving Catherine said one last thing.

“Cynthia, you better understand, enemies won’t have mercy on you on the battle field, even your friends” I smiled back, having calmed down, I knew Catherine just wanted the best for me! Wait, can an enemy be your friend?

Turns out Flayn was telling her brother the stories I told her, and in turn, her big bro was informing Lady Rhea about it, who in turn took great curiosity in myself, which took long enough, but I couldn’t complain, I loved going and partying with Lady Rhea, she had like the best tea and cookies ever, I loved it when people pay me some deserved attention!

Rhea and the rest were mostly interested in tales about the manakeetes, about Naga and Tiki, and the exalt blood. To be honest it was kinda annoying, especially since they kept asking how did I even get here in the first place, it hard for them to understand I couldn’t open it willingly or what ever. But you know, I could see why Catherine liked Rhea so much in the first place, she was like your hot mother Inigo was always asking all the girls about. Of course, heroes like myself don’t fathom such perverted juvenile thoughts about their superiors!

Speaking about that, Catherine was asking me all the time about what I spoke with Rhea, well less about the important stuff (what I said), and more what Rhea was telling me. To be honest Rhea seemed really pleased with my stories. “Rhea always gives me these warm smiles while I talk to her about Naga.” And Catherine just gave me a look, like she was about to cry?

“Lady Rhea doesn’t smile towards me all that much anymore…”

“Aw! You don’t need to look so sad! Shamir doesn’t smile towards you at all and she totally loves you!”

“I don’t think Shamir wants to love anyone anymore Cynthia.”

“Well, that’s beside the point! Besides I can give you all the smiles you want!”

Days passed by like, well days, I’m no good with poetry ok? Catherine and I kept training, and like besides that, there was not much else to do, which was so totally boring! But I mean the training was epic, it’s a good thing to have someone trying to take care of you after all, I’ve forgotten that feeling… And for some reason it makes me feel really at home. She doesn’t seem like it, but Catherine is totally kind.

To cure my boredom, I used to go and talk with everyone else, which was like not a lot of people, I mean Rhea and Seteth were always busy, besides apparently to talk with them you needed like an appointment or something, and making an appointment is like way more boring in the first place.

So one thing I began doing was remembering about my friends back at home, especially those times I helped them, like Noire for example! Getting her to look after me for help made me feel so totally important.

It was late at night, since having actual doors were too expensive at that time we used to live in tents, I was woken up when I heard the sound of rocks bouncing off my tent. This had happened many times before so I knew what this was all about.

“U-Um, Cynthia. I have to…”

“Hey, it’s A-OK! There’s no shame in being scared and a coward by not wanting to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night alone! Which by the way I am not afraid! J-Just let me get a candle or something.”

“HURRY UP YOU INSOLENT SLAVE! OR ILL MAKE A FEEST FOR THE WORMS OUT OF YOUR ENTRAILS!”

“AH! P-Please I d-don’t want to be eaten by worms! At least let me die by something awesome like spiders or whatever.”

“BWA HAHA! YOU FOOL, HOW DARE YOU GIVE ME ORDERS…. Cynthia p-please d-don’t leave me in here! O-Oh no… I was doing that thing again… I-Im… *Sniff*…”

“H-Hey it’s okay! I know you’re crazy! Besides, that’s what heroes are for, helping people who can’t help themselves!”

“BOLD OF VERMIN TO SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT…. B-But y-you are c-completely right… *Sniff* Waaaaah!”

Those were better times, I hope Noire is doing better now, that girl, she has deep mommy issues. Another reason why I liked her so much, seeing her like that it was like: “This could be me”. Thanks to Naga my mother so much better than hers.

Speaking of being better than others, the other knights in training were pretty impressed by how quickly I got to get up on the ladder of awesomeness, often I was bombarded by questions on how I had done it.

As far as I could tell it was because, uh, I was special, but that should have been pretty obvious to everyone, so I brought up my crest, which usually got met by a look of disappointment in their faces. I also would-be pretty jelly of myself If I’m being honest. Maybe that’s why I can’t stand myself sometimes!

But yeah, the other squires and me did not mesh together really well, which was kinda sad, since Alois was like on a mission to bring some school children to the monastery, I had no one to speak to other than Shamir and Catherine. I was already besties with Catherine, so I figured the best way to get closer to Shamir was by getting to her heart. I am, after all, an expert in romance! The first rule of good romantic interaction Lucy, is you gotta be subtle.

“Sooo, Shamir! Isn’t Catherine like, the nicest person ever!?”

“What? You think Catherine is…Nice?”

“Yeah! And like amazing, cute and also beautiful and I bet she would make a great wife and mother also! If I had a crush on her, I would totally marry her!”

“The idea of someone being _your mother and your lover is_ disgusting.”

“But isn’t that how like, Catherine sees Rhea?”

“W-What do I care.”

“I mean, but if I was a pervert it would be totally romantic! Are you a pervert?”

“Do you want to die?”

“What I’m saying is! In a world where like, you had a crush on Catherine-“

“In a world where I was to accidentally shoot you, would you stop talking?”

“E-Eh!? I--W-What I mean, what I really mean is…” I extended my hand towards Shamir. “Hold my hand!”

“I don’t trust you.”

“Okay! If I was the one and only Catherine, would you hold my hand!? Like would you if I was about to violently die, would you save me?”

“No, I would only save myself, nor would I save you or your hand. That’s why Catherine and I won’t be holding hands anytime soon, will that make you shut up?”

Geez, Shamir and Catherine were like really weird. Still, I kept training with Catherine as much as I could, since Shamir seemed to live like, in eternal edginess, Catherine made me feel safe, I hadn’t trained with somebody since mother died, of course no one will ever come close to being as good as Sumia, but in my mind, Catherine seemed good enough. She’s so kind!

So, she thought me some cool new moves, how to use the agility of my super hero body to my advantage, how to hero kick, and punch, and hero backstab. And I thought her some awesome catchphrases like. “ _Here comes Cat, I have nine lives, but you only live once!_!!” Weird thing I have never heard her actually use them, she’s just such a shy girl!

And well, I have a pretty good record against her, darn, I can’t lie to you Lucy, okay, but most of them were pretty close, what is a hero without any struggle in her life!? I tell you what, a normal person, boring!

When I saw Catherine, I have never seen someone sooooooooOoooooooo cool and AWESOME, the flame in her body, the determination in which she strokes down the bad guys with, hero relics? Thats how it’s called? I want one of those so badly Lucy, like I would totally die to get one of those made for me… But then it would be a bit pointless? Anyways I had to see her do something like that again.

“So _Cat_! I’m so waiting for you to show off your epic hero weapon! Pretty please!?”

“I told you to not call me like that. “She sighed, walking closer to me, like getting ready to battle.“Using a heroes relic, it's no easy feat you know, every time I use… it takes a toll on me.”

“Like… You have to pay to use it!? But who cares, it looks soo cool and epic and like everything in between! Especially on a hero like you!”

Then Catherine swung her training sword down on me, good thing I already had my armor on, I used my arms to block her attack, it hurt like, a lot. She then kicked me, I faltered backward, but still managed to stand my ground, she drove me closer to my lance. Catherine scowled, preparing herself for another strike.

“You really want to know who is a real hero, huh.”

“But we are!”

She started running towards me, sword in hand, I quickly took my lance and blocked her attack, however, then she kicked me, making me kiss the ground, I rolled to the side as she drove her sword down to where I fell.

“C-Catherine, t-that was really mean!”

“Fight me like I’m your enemy! Like your life depends on it!”

But of course, I couldn't, Catherine was my friend, she was _a hero_! One of _my heroes_ even! It's like, if you ever challenged me to a battle sis, I couldn’t even think about doing anything mean to you.

But Catherine, she really was not stopping, I hate to admit cause it’s so stupid, I was afraid, did she hate me? No time for girly feelings, I had to focus on not getting a permanent purple spot on my pretty face. I remembered what Catherine told me about the lance advantage against a sword, weapon triangle or… It was easier to remember it as rocks, paper, scissors. So like a lance was scissors for paper cause it had a longer range.

Now was the time to take advantage of that. So I rolled and rolled backward like a bug (Nasty!) Until I hit the wall, got up and used it as a way to get speed, I launched myself into Catherine, the tip of my training lance looking in front, I swung it into her chest, she tried to retaliate but I hit her head with a sideways angle on my lance. She pulled a bit back. Sweating and moaning.

“Ah.” She took a deep breath. “Not bad, you’re certainly improving, now come on, help me here.” I did not think about it twice, I lend my hand to hers.

“Why.” She took another deep breath. ” Would Lady Rhea take so much interest in someone so clueless!” And in a lightning strike, she hit my arm with her weapon, in the middle of my shock, she tried to punch me in the stomach, I blocked the blow with my other arm but she still managed to pull me back. I tried using the length of my lance to hit her, she avoided my attack, and then leaped forwards, I bashed my lance in a downwards fashion but again, she avoided it.

“You told me you wanted to see how I do in a real battle did you not!?”

Catherine hit me with her sword, the armor helped, but the pain made me fall the ground, unable to do really anything about it, it made feel like such a moron looser, a hero cannot be on the ground for so long. Yet _I could not. Do. Anything_! Do you have an idea, of how sad all of this is!? I’m supposed to be a hero! Catherine raised her sword.

“Heroes only exist in fairy tales Cynthia. Good guys, bad guys, I’m not sure what any of that even means.” She lowered her sword, softly on my forehead, it reminded me of that thing kings did to their knights in fairy tales. The weird thing I recalled something so trivial about my childhood.

“Especially me, I’m no hero, never was, never will be. Only thing I do is serve Rhea and the goddess, that’s my only path.” I still was unable to get up from the ground, and yet something inside of me was crying for help, I had get up, I put both hand on the ground but that was not enough, I ended up collapsing, this time it felt even worse. “War is not worthy of even the worst poems believe me; the only worthwhile thing is understanding how low can you drop in order to do what’s right.” I tried yet again, my mind was blank, the only thing I felt was the sweat dropping down my face, and the beatings of my heart, begging for something to stop. “Heroism in people is long gone. I just want you to understand that.” I could not get up, yet I was still able to at least drop down into my knees. Catherine seemed impressed.

“Y-You don’t understand!”

“What is that?”

“Heroes DO EXIST! Out there, people who give their lives to protect the weak…! Those who make meaning out of darkness, I refuse to believe their deaths are in vain!”

“Ideal won’t save your life-“

“But they will save the lives of the departed!”

“I’ve tried that, nothing more than rubbish.”

“If you believe ANYTHING is possible!”

“Ha! You need some growing up to do, perhaps you ought to earn the respect of knighthood all over the world, and then, only then-“

“I swore on my family, my mother, that I will!”

“Then ask your paragons to bring her back!”

“I try and try, keep trying no matter what I tell myself, you think I don’t understand the frustration!? But I can’t give in, a true hero never does…”

With a deep breath I tried to get back on both my feet, the pain was killing me, I fell even harder to the ground, but I couldn’t give up, not in front of her.

“I need to redeem those whose death I couldn’t prevent… I need to show them… That their lives were not in vain, that I will make something better out of their sacrifice… Otherwise, their demise was for nothing!”

“And all of that for what!? I don’t see you standing up for anything! Every ideal is the same, they only slow you down, eat you inside out, and drop you to the knees, right there for the enemy to strike into your death. Ideals will defeat you.”

I wasn’t crying, but I knew for sure the only thing that mattered to me at the moment was not falling completely into the ground, my knees were probably bleeding, but if so, I can’t imagine it wasn’t completely worth it.   
  


Catherine walked away, she ordered a guard to tend my wounds, she also informed him to tell Rhea she needed a day off. “When it comes down to it, morals will only show you how much of a monster you are. My only battle was convincing myself that it can’t be true, the lives I have betrayed, I have to keep telling myself it was all for the best, trying to make sense of all the horrors. But I don’t have the gift of having that much time in my life, that’s why I serve Lady Rhea…Maybe you and I aren’t so different after all, and I hate that. You gotta be yourself and no one else”.

That same night geez, I probably cried myself to sleep or some other stupid thing, it made wish I took my plushies from the future with me, I so needed a teddy bear at that moment. But instead, I thought of you Lucy, I knew no matter the situation, you would never give up on what you knew was true.

I figured giving up would only bring shame upon myself and especially mother, but I always figured even she had to cry sometimes, heroes are allowed to do that sort of thing right? It totally seems to me like there are no heroes without suffering, I made my mission to show that to Catherine.

So maybe I overslept a little, I woke up and was all like “Nu-uh! Not ready for this!” And uh, cried some more. Shower day was scheduled for that morning, but that’s just a suggestion from the part of the monastery. Besides, water is just like tears without the saltiness, and I did not want any more of that yawn inspiring melancholy. So, I did the only thing that could cheer me up at the time. Shopping!

That’s right, I put some makeup on, took my hero purse and went down to the market. There was this killer armory that was so full of heroic, shiny, sparkly armor, omygosh, I could stare at them all day long, thinking about how awesome I would like with that thing on. And cute too, a hero must have her own style, and it would show Catherine a hero’s look is totally important.

“Maybe stop starring and actually buy something you know. You are creeping out my customers.”

“Oh yeah! Tots sorry! How much for that princess butterfly chest-plate!?”

“Is that the one?”

“Yeppers, I just said it was.”

I actually do not wish to repeat those criminal prices, Lucy.

“WHA-!? Okay, let's be friends.”

“If that means you’ll come more often to my shop, sure!”

“So, now that we are bffs I totally get a discount, right!?”

“No.”

“B-But…! I knew one of your sisters back home, that makes me your framily!”

“That's not even a real word!”

“Okay, sure, I’m a dummy with words. BUT! Im a hero, okay!? So, uh, I should get a discount in the name of heroism! Pleaaaaase?”

“If you're a true hero, you should be able to afford it full price.”

I walked out the store in defeat. Headed straight to a flower shop, bought some random cute one, and used its petals for my flower fortune. Until it predicted something good at least, it only took like ten times. Turns out I spent all my money on it. Worth it! Well…

Now here comes the important part I was speaking at the beginning, how I met my real arch-nemesis. On my way back in the monastery I heard a cry from a villager, he looked all messed up and bleeding to death or whatever. “Someone, anyone, HELP! My village has been attacked by a monster!” I ran as fast as I could back to the monastery to get Bellfire, on my way out I got the idea maybe it was wiser to ask for a bit of help.

“Greetings Cynthia! Nothing to report!”

“Gatekeeper, you gotta tell the other knights we need help!”

“Oh, immediately, they are out in a field mission, but I will make sure the news arrives as quickly as possible-“

No time to waste, I let him know the place of the attack, jumped right in my pegasus and started heading that way. Good thing I read some geography! I mean, it was the closes thing to a picture book in the library.

Up in the sky the clouds began to fade away, making way for a light mist, I could see the rampaged village appear in front of me like a spooky ghost, It was already too late, innocents were lost to the sword of a monster, but not overdue to bring justice to the perpetrators of this monstrosity, I made it rhyme!

The things is, I couldn’t see any mercenaries, or bandits, or anyone really, it almost seemed empty. I began my way down to the ground when I remembered the words of the crazed villager back in the market. “ _A monster_ ”. Thats what I focused on, well like for five seconds, as soon as I got down from Bellfire to do my pro detective work, I saw a poor woman running away, behind him a villain riding a dark horse. He raised his scythe to end her life, I rushed and pushed her out of the way. The bad guys turned their attention to me instead.

“Who… Dares to cross the path of the Death Knight…?”

“STAND DOWN BRINGER OF DARKNESS! But not like in a racist way, ok?” I took out my lance. “I AM CYNTHIA, I WILL SLICE YOU DOWN LIKE KNIFE, AND CUT YOU LIKE A SWORD!”

The Death Knight didn’t even move, my epic catchphrases always scared off enemies! Or at least they should, maybe it was because I used knives, forks are better, or those fork-spoon babies, those are the best.

“U-Um… I SAID SURRENDER VILE CREATURE!”

“A smart one, aren’t you? Vile is a word that cannot do justice to the horrors I bring; I will make you wish you were in a nightmare…”

“Nightmares are A-OKAY! Cause it gives me the chance to prove how totally brave I am!”

“There is no bravery in the eternal flames… Of your inexorable demise.”

“Oh, my, gosh! That was so epic! Wait, lemme write that down. What was that word? Inexolable? I’ve got no clue what that means but sounds cool!”

“Is this some sort of mockery!?”

“Noooo! Your lines are soo good! Bytheway, where did you get that armor? I like how it's all black, it screams like. WAHAHAHA IM EVIL AND I KICK PUPPIES FOR FUN. Do you know somewhere I can get a pink paint job for mine?”

The Death Knight rushed towards me, I dodged, but maybe too late, the dark magic of his Scythe had already struck my body, but I was not down, this time I wouldn’t kneel.

“OUCH-! Thats it, no more nice girl!” He tried hitting me yet again, this time I was prepared. His scythe only touched my armor, leaving clear marks on it, but I was safe, I remembered what Catherine told me about using the length of my lance as an advantage. I forwarded my lance; however, he was also…totally prepared, his horse just did a light jump backward. And then he hit me again. I tried attacking yet again, he dodged with perfection. Maybe I just needed to get closer to make a faster strike, bad idea.

“You are pathetic! Prepare to make your last wishes.” He got down from his horse. “I will greatly enjoy this.”

Once I was in the ground, I found no strength to get up, the injury I had sustained yesterday really didn’t make things better at all. I felt his steps getting closer and closer, like a grim reaper holding a clock. “How does it feel, to know your death will be meaningless.” No. This couldn’t be happening, this was not how I die… I tried and tried to get up, but couldn't, in truth Lucy. I was defeated, in those moments I could only think of mother. How must she have felt when she knew her time had come, was it like this? So cold and lonely? The Death Knight now was in front of me, he raised his scythe, something deep inside of me let me know, this is not how I die. The Brand of the Exalt started shining, just as he was pulling down his weapon, I grabbed my Lance and tried to stab him in the guts, my aim was not the best, but I still managed to make a cut at the side of his stomach. He looked confused.

“Impossible…” Then he kicked me, making me drop my lance. “You would have been an entertaining opponent.” An arrow hit him from the side, making him lose attention for a moment. Still, the crimson in his eyes meant he was not gonna leave his job incomplete, he quickly went for my head. I don’t know why, but I closed my eyes, WELL, I was scared.

I heard the sound of clashing steel, thinking it was my soul leaving my body. However, once I opened my eyes, there was Catherine blocking his attack. Next to her the rest of the knights. One thought came to my mind. I lost. And now my friends were going to get hurt because of my stupidity. That’s the last thing I remembered until I fell unconscious.

Now, it's hard remembering such things, you know, like the thought that for a moment you were truly dead when you finally wake up, there are tons of random ideas going through your mind, it’s something like falling in love. So, this is what I can recall. I had a dream.

In it I was a little girl once again, I was hugging mom while the both of us were riding on Bellfire unto the sunset, the wind was cold, but I couldn’t forget the sensation of her warmth shielding me against it, maybe if we kept going, we would arrive in heaven.

As I slowly woke up, I realized my head was resting on something warm, and something else was slowly touching my hair, which freaked me out. A hero was always ready, as I regained consciousness, I prepared for ways to strike my foe, I had to think of some epic catchphrase to go along with it, but you know, each second you are closer to death or something so I used the first thing that came into my mind.

“FREE FIST OF JUSTICE!” I opened my eyes, that when I realized I hit Catherine right in the face. Whops. She staggered back, and was so totally angry, ready to hit back, but it took like five seconds for her to calm down, I couldn’t tell if she was blushing of anger or something else.

“Pretty amazing to see you recover so quickly.” She touched her face, like looking if something was broken. “I don’t take kindly to punch greetings. You really hate me now, huh.”

“Oh gosh! I’m so, so sorry! “ I realized, however, there were wayyyyy too many things to be sorry about, what could I even do? “Are you okay!? Wait! Are we like dead!? Oh, no,no, NO!”

“H-Hey! Calm down princess, we are alive, at least I’m mostly sure of that.”

“No! It was my fault because I was such a BIG DUMB STUPID UGLY FACE JERK! I was too busy shouting about being a hero to listen! You were right, im not heroic-!

“You got one thing right, it was kinda stupid. More reckless if anything. I told you not to be like me.”

“No! It was more than stupid, and even after all that…! Wait… What were you doing when I woke up? Omygosh, you were taking care of me!” I never felt so ashamed in my life, I blushed like red hot tomato soup probably.

“Geez! Stop embarrassing me!” Catherine came up close, checking on my body. “Look at you! Already standing up! Pretty impressive.”

“It’s only because of your help!”

“Listen, I’m the one who has to apologize, and you better forgive me quickly cause` I hate feeling guilty.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong Catherine! You saved my life, you’re a true hero!”

“I… I treated you too harshly, perhaps you don’t need my bullshit justifications but—Ok, I felt frustrated watching someone so talented as you be so clueless, not only that but seeing Rhea…” She shook her head. “Let's not go into that. Point being, I was trying to teach you a lesson, I can’t trust myself that much anymore, but I know deep inside I didn’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want you to end up like me.”

“Nu-uh! I was the fat jerk in here! If only I listened to your advice none of this would have happened. But I was too stubborn!”

“No. If you lose a battle, only fools blame the soldiers, the commanders at fault. If you don’t follow my advice, that just means I was a bad teacher. “She tilted her head down, I could tell she was trying to hide her blush, I learned that from watching Severa. “I was wrong, you’re not like me, you don’t question your ideals, in fact, I have never seen someone in such rush to act on what she knows is right, I could learn a thing or two from that. I bet your mother would be proud”

“ * **Sniff**!* Catherine…!”

“Yeah?”

“You are like the BEST!” I rushed into a hug; Catherine just stood there shocked with her open arms. Eventually, she closed them, you could tell she didn’t get a hug in a long time, so it was a bit weird. But to be honest I don’t care.

“H-Hey…T-Thanks? Ok, that’s enough, you’re making me feel weird.” We pulled out of the hug. “So, when you get better, you gonna show up for training?”

“OF ONE HUNDRED PERCENT COURSE!”

“Yeah… I’m not gonna be your babysitter, but I guess… I’m trying to say, you can count on me, but don’t expect me to agree with everything you do. “I couldn’t do anything more than nod in agreement. “Oh, and by the way. I’ve got bad news for both of us. Lady Rhea wants to see you. Also, you should apologize to Shamir for dragging her in to this-“

“It’s O-kay Cat! I will tell her how awesome you were in taking care of me!” Catherine blushed like she was wearing red makeup, this time she had no time to hide it. “Don’t!” I nodded. She took a deep breath. “Alois is out on the field; he is supposed to meet up with the house leaders that are coming for the new school year. I don’t care about looks. But Lady Rhea wants you to look presentable, got that?”

“Wait a minute! Whatever happened to the Death Knight?”

“Don't worry about it, we'll get him soon enough."

“Sooo! Are we friends!?”

“You just had to make it even more awkward huh. Yeah, we’re friends…”

So I took a few days off, they helped me realize how much of an idiot I was, a true hero has her allies after all, like, what would we be without each other Lucy? Or mom that was best friends with Cordelia. I realized; heroism doesn’t work alone. Bellfire accompanied me in those lazy days, he usually came with Flayn in the morning to greet me in my room, he would neigh with joy, and would stay by my side for the rest of the day.

Bellfire, he slept way too much; I hate it when people get lazy. Or maybe he was just getting old. I would have never thought about that otherwise, you know, almost dying puts things into perspective. Even someday, my faithful companion will have to retire.

How old was Rhea again? Speaking about that, when I finally felt okay, Flayn took me to her chamber. She reprehended me like a grandma, but it was okay, she was my boss and all. Seteh would just nod at everything she said and give me a fatherly look. I could only say so many times “I REPENT!!!” Still got like ten days of barn work. It was okay thou, Bellfire got to accompany me. And I totally made some new friends, well some of them kinda hated me but like it takes time. There was Levy, Treasure, Dorte, Autumn, and that’s all I remember. They all seemed to respected Bellfire much more than me, which was pretty cool honestly.

That was not my only punishment.

“After giving it much, much consideration, with the advice of Seteh, I have decided that it would be best for your training and understanding of Fodland to join one of the houses for the following school year.”

“Awesome! Wait, does that mean… I HAVE TO STUDY!?”

Honestly, im not sure of what studying even means, that’s like, the weird thing Laurent and Nah kept doing back home? I can recall, when I was a little baby princess, mommy used to tell me stuff about… The history of the world? Or math? Math is when you count with your fingers right? Does reading count as studying? But besides that, I was pretty excited, I love meeting new people!

As the days of the new school year got closer and closer, you started seeing students and teachers coming in, the whole monastery now seemed way more alive, to be honest before it was like a haunted house, kinda still is, but like only fifty-five percent. Speaking about ghosts, I’ve got this totally spooky, not for children, scary story. Based on true events.

I was late and tired on my work in the horse stalls, my tummy was _BEGGING_ for food, so I went for my night time snack. After I returned, I could hear something, someone was in the stall! I took out my lance and slowly, like a butterfly, walked in.

There was no light but the moonlight at that time, I could see a figure, white, pale, wearing a cute dress, the moon only barely made her soft shadow visible, she was petting a horse, Bellfire to be specific, she was talking to him, and he seemed to be answering, her voice captivated me, yet I cannot recall what was being said. I called out for the figure, who in turn froze, pulled her head down as if it had no eyes. She just stood there, the wind playing with her dress in a creepy manner.

“G-GHOST!!”

As quickly as I said that, she ran away. I had defeated the ghost! Yet it kinda seemed like someone I would like to know better. You know Lucy, the way she was talking to Bellfire, it reminded me of someone I lost long time ago. But it can’t be, I refuse to believe she would be afraid of me… Of what I am. Lucy, do you think mother would be proud of us? Proud of me? Am I truly doing her deeds justice, or am I just a waste? That idea, it haunts me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Any feedback is greatly appreciated, the next chapter hopefully wont take as long, and it will be more fluffly. Have a nice day!
> 
> UPDATE 17/12/20.
> 
> Reworked several paragraphs, added an extra scene with Shamir and fixed some spelling mistakes.


	3. Entry 2: "Mock battles are for losers!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cynthia gets "ready" for the mock battle, using questionable means of achieving her goals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Hopefully the next chapters won't take as long lol. Also me: Takes like a year to release the next chapter. But hey, at least this fic isn't dead, I plan to keep working on it!
> 
> Yeah, I lost motivation for a bit to keep writing but I'm back on track, I'm sorry if this chapter is too long lol. I just couldn't stop once I got in the mood xD I actually cut a few scenes from this chapter since the world count was already too big and felt the pacing was way too slow. Hopefully, it doesn't feel boring. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it!

Dear Lucy, are there any memories you truly cherish? I’m a big dummy, and maybe I have no idea how to express myself, uh, you know like emotions? As you probably know by now, and I mean because you totally should be paying attention, this diary is so gonna be in the museum of heroics and awesomeness one day, despite everything. And I’m your sister and all. You know I’m going to be a hero, kick butt and save everyone, even if I don’t always know, what I don’t know. Then bards will write songs about my super moves, like the Triple Ultra Pony Backflip! Or the Apple Slasher! Um, kinda forgot what I was even writing about to begin with. Okay, I have feelings! Not sure why I brought that up but is totally important. Wait lemme backread for a jiffy.

Oh right! Memories! Lucy, you can never ever forget someone. That action is outright villainy. I have been thinking, peasants always say stuff like, “It’s A-OK my daughter was eaten alive, she lives on in our hearts!” Or something similar to that. And I am a humble princess (After all that is a mark of a true hero. PS. _Like me_ ), so I must tell you even helpless peasants can give you the sort of wisdom which doesn’t let you sleep because you just cry all night.

What I mean is, no one truly dies Lucy, not until their memory lives on somewhere. Forgetting someone is truly murdering them, then it kinda follows remembering them is like doing some super saving. And so, that is part of my duty. Which is probably really deep, philosophical but also deep. But honestly, it seems like its part of everyone’s duty.

Lucy you might be thinking: “Wow, lil’sis Cynthia has become such a GOOD writer”. And I would ask you, don’t call me like that cause I’m totally modest and all, even if it’s a fact. But also you can’t deny the truth. Well, it because I have been going to _school_. Being getting _educated_. ~~And even reading.~~ Ok, maybe not reading, I still hate reading. Unless its something fun like my diary, or like books with drawings. I like geography!

So much has gone on since I started taking classes with “professor” Byleth. I should explain all of that but wait a minute. Maybe you think I’m kinda rambly and annoying, and you are wrong, its just that, lately I can’t sleep. Knowing everyone in the monastery, it’s kinda hard reassuring myself I’m not an idiot looser jerk. I’m not an idiot looser jerk. I have done some unfortunate stuff… Why is accepting failure SO HARD? Not that I would know… Do I? There’s no time for losers, I don’t think so at least. Whatever.

Do you remember memories? I always try to keep with me everything I did with mommy, especially those last days with her, it almost seems eternal. Maybe there is a reason for it, if it was any other way, I couldn’t bear with it. I’ve been thinking, its always like a sin to keep smiling when she’s not here. Then again, most people do like my smile. Do you remember her last day Lucy? You where always closer to daddy, I should probably care a bit more about him. Anyways I think I’ve been dreaming a memory. I know totally creepy. But that’s what’s going on. Maybe that ghost I saw its behind it.

In my dream I’m not doing anything more than tearing down walls, inside them a bunch of HAIRY DISGUSTING bugs, sometimes they sting, but no matter how much I get rid of them, walls start coming back up, I feel defeated, then the memory finally starts coming back.

Mom and I are riding on Bellfire, it was summer so you recall that’s when all the pretty lady flowers came out of their bubble of shyness. Mom would take me out to collect some with her. Bellfire landed peacefully on the prairie. Mom with her soft and warm hands put me down on the grass that felt like a pillow. A dirty one for sure but a pillow nonetheless. Maybe that’s why I still don’t wash them.

Then mom fell and hit her face, I would’ve thought she was dead, but she always would get up, giggle like it was nothing, and continue her duty. I was so impressed by that. So she would just start singing as she picked up those flower from the ground, she always went forward from where I was, when you walk over flowers, there is always a path you left behind, that way you don’t get lost. And so, mom would always pick up her favorite ones. And I would follow, there is no single flower that I touched that she didn’t pick first. At that time, I HATED getting dirty, but seeing her, I don’t really know, I guess I felt like it really didn’t matter if someone so pretty as mamma could get dirty and still be the cutest.

“WAAAAAH! MOMMY THE FLOWER ARE TRYING TO DESTROY ME!”

“C-Cynthia! Darling I’m coming! “

She came rolling down to where I was.

“Pegasus Poop! Why am I so *sniif* useless…” Said mommy.

“WHAAA” I replied.

“Let me see that… Oh goodness! Its j-just a mean torn! *Sigh* This is going to hurt a bit… Please be brave, I know you can do it.”

“NoooOOOO!”

Then she removed the torn from my skin, almost a bit savage, but now I realize that was cool. Weirdly enough, I can’t remember any pain. Well at least not from the thorn. What I know is that I just kept crying. Mommy kneeled down, stroking my hair, watching, was she judging me? Maybe so, because she started crying too.

“ Useless, useless, useless…! I-I’m so sorry! I’m your mother and—This is all my fault, I should have been paying more attention! So irresponsible, you are special and—”

“Special!? W-WAHHHH!”

“I-I’m a t-terrible mother! I had one job! *Sniff* Waaaaaah!”

“M-Mommy!? D-Don’t cry!” Of course I was still crying, but mommy was weeping. She couldn’t stop, she could not even utter a word. I always believed that when you’re young, you mostly only know how to hug.

“Don’t say that mommy! You are my hero.”

“C-Cynthia…! Thank you…! I-I…” Then she returned the gift, a mellow, comfy embrace. We stood there for a while, feeling each other warm tears. That’s how you know these where not made of sadness. But rather something else, something better. In such moments, you really forget about everything else, the spring wind, the sunset, all gone, even your own dreams, they don’t matter anymore. Well at that time my dreams where stupid anyways. We even forgot about all the flowers we picked. Turns out because of mommy’s awesome ground acrobatics, they all ended up ruined. Who decided to make flowers so fragile anyways!? That was a very dumb, not okay, thing to do.

“NOOooo! Mommy…! The flowers… THEY DIED!” Her response caught me by surprise, she just giggled as if it didn’t matter, but I mean, it totally did! We spent like the whole afternoon looking after flowers, and now, we just totally wasted our time! She looked back at the sun, finally begging to hide behind the mountains, all her tears where now gone.

  
“Its okay darling… We still got a few more moments before darkness comes… And Bellfire falls asleep.” She did not wait for me, not because she didn’t care but… Aw! I don’t know Lucy, she was probably trying to teach me something important? I refuse to believe she forgot! Maybe she already knew I would follow her no matter what? Well, even wayyy back then I was totally independent! So, uh, yeah I followed her, what else I am supposed to do? Wait like a looser?

Again, she started picking up what flowers where left on the yellow field. “When I was your age Cynthia, I used to fall all the time… Um, I-I mean, I s-still do, and its embarrassing, and not proper of a queen and—Please don’t do that when you grow up!” She took a deep breath, I was carefully listening. “And yet, your father, my friends, they still love me despite all of that. I used to worry so much about others not liking me that I probably began falling even more than before. My embarrassment was so much I started reading fairytales to imagine I was better!” She finally picked up a beautiful whin. Careful to remove all the thorns. She did all of that just for me.

“Mommy! That flower is so pretty!”

“I-I’m glad you like it! Since you like it that much, it can be yours!”

“REALLY!?”

“C-Careful! Flower are really, really delicate…”

“But why?”

“U-Um… Well, I always believed, their petals contain our destinies… Flowers are like us, they look the prettiest but really, they are the most fragile thing ever… Then what remains of them gets carried by the wind. I-I hoped that made some sense…” I nodded, I still don’t know what she meant by all of that but, it did make some sort of sense. She walked me back, holding my hand, the other one taking care of my new gift, to where we left Bellfire. Then we headed home.

That’s always when I wake up, immediately another memory follows, this time I’m not really dreaming. That night, I got into a fight because Severa was being a total mean, stupid, idiot jerk and called me ugly, in front of Gerome of all things! THE NERVE! So, I tried to stuff the flower down her throat. Long story short, the flower was ruined.

You probably remember this story Lucy, since I got grounded like for a year, but since all that has happened since then… Maybe you just don’t remember anymore… I ran back crying to mother, I hated myself, I wanted to put all my hair and probably my teeth out. But then I would actually look ugly, I asked mom like crazy if I actually did look ugly and fat, if Severa was right, if I actually was an useless nerd, who would never get married and have babies, and never slap the love of my life in the face. And then nobody would care about me.

Mother was not angry Lucy, she just seemed disappointed, maybe the word is like… Sadness? Yep, she looked sad. Which made me really angry, almost like resentment really. But to whom? I know it wasn’t towards Severa.

“Cynthia… Never try to be someone you’re not.”

I wish I asked mother what she meant by that. And you know, I never thought the day would come when I began missing Severa. I wish I was there with all of you to say how much I miss you guys. I can’t lie to you Lucy, I’m jealous you’re there in the past saving the world and being cool and… Meting mother again, there is so much I wish I could tell her, if only for a moment. Are you telling our parents about me? Geez, I feel like, kinda totally worthless?

With everything that has been going on, I have been training with Catherine, so that’s good but no heroic deeds recently, lame, only failure. I did make some new cool friends but… It’s never the same, and I feel like completely guilty? Nah, since I became a hero, I cannot do wrong. I mean, then I wouldn’t be one, and that just makes like zero sense!

Actually, I should tell you all about that has been going on recently. Tea time with miss Rhea and her family, which is pretty small to be honest, only Seteth and Flayn, I wonder what happened to everyone else, maybe, I don’t know, Tiki, Nowi and Nah where the only green haired creatures too, I wonder if Rhea can also turn into a cool dragon, I should ask her one of these days. Anyways…

Yeah, those meetings where still going strong, I mean of course they would, since I’m that _interesting_ to people. They never got tired of my stories back from Ylisse, but Seteh is kinda annoying. Like sometimes he asks way too much, like how powerful was Ylisse army, or how manaketes came to that world, what was their stance on the Goddess, like I don’t know guys!

But you know, compared to the Goddes, uh, Sothis was her name? Naga seems kinda week, I mean Naga is not like someone who sees it all, that would be kinda weird to be honest. And Naga also cannot do everything. Apparently Sothis can but like, that just makes my brain hurt. Can Sothis create like a rock she cannot lift? Well, its boring thinking about that, I should also ask Rhea about it.

Still I couldn’t complain about those meetings, the cook made the best deserts to accompany our tea, and I did not have to worry about wasting the whole sugar supply in one sitting! It’s crazy Lucy, they have unlimited resources in here, just like when we were kiddies. And I got to talk. You know how much I love talking! ~~Specially about myself~~ _. I mean mom, I like mommy better_.

Rhea thou, every time I talked about my mother she seemed especially interested, this seemed like a special kind of interest, like it was personal. Since my logic skills are so good I deduce Rheas family probably were eaten alive or something similar, that would explain her sadness. Does she feel lonely? Maybe she just needs a hug. Why don’t I give her one? Well who knows. I know I’m not lonely.

Or maybe because the new school year was starting, that probably is something very stressful for a principal, uh, that’s how you call the one who runs the school. Well I know I was worried, apparently in this world being a nerd is considered admirable, which I don’t really _care that much_. 

I can do everything If I put my heart into it, that’s what mother said. But studying is just UGGGH. So yeah, Rhea was totally stressed out. There was this new super cool teacher, people have low standards for what’s cool so whatever, but I could tell Rhea was totally hyped about that, Byleth, I will come back to her later. First something more important.

“Have you put any thought in which class are you joining? … And please refrain from stealing more cake from Flayns plate. It’s-” Seteth retorted, like who asked you anyways.

“Its okay father! Im not really that hungry, helping the needy is always a wonderful thing.”

“Uh, yeah, that thingy… right…-“ I answered to Seteths demands.

“Please, don’t talk while eating, it’s inappropriate, even more so in front of Lady Rhea.” Shut up Seteh. Well okay, maybe he had a point…

“B-But Catherine does it!” I replied.

“I’m sure not in front of Lady Rhea she doesn’t” Seteh continued, Rhea was looking at me with curiosity.

“ Oh… _Riiight_ ….” I winked at Rhea.

“Cynthia… The decision of joining a house is of our most interest, we would all be grateful if you gave an answer as soon as possible, most of the students arrived yesterday, maybe you could go and meet them-“ I interrupted Rhea, scratching the back of my head, because it was totally itchy.

“U-Um… Can you like, t-tell me the options again?” Seteth took no time in answering, interrupting Flayn’s attempt to answer in the processes.

“The Black Eagles led by princess Edelgard, Golden Deer, led by Claude, future leader of the Alliance, and the Blue Lions, led by prince-“

“Blue Lions!” I answered.

“Oh? Why would that be? You seem so sure…” Rhea inquired.

“Because blue” Did she not hear me the first time? Well I didn’t mind answering again anyways.

“Blue?” Said Rhea.

“Yeah! Blue is the color of heroism! Like all heroes wear Blue! If you don’t wear blue stuff, you are not a true hero!” I continued, Seteth seemed annoyed.

“That is in fact not true, many great heroes of Fodland history have worn other colors, Saint Seiros for example-“

“Its all right Seteth… Miss Cynthia, this decision is final, perhaps it would be better if you met the students of each house and maybe you could start building affinity with some of them before you take this course of action.”

“No thanks! I mean, Golden Deer, is like, Deers are weak, so uh no, and Black Eagles they are from Adestria… So, like their color is red?”

“Right.”

“And you know, red is the color of evilness, so why would I join the super villain house? I mean Edelgard, that is like, the name of a bad guy. “ 

Rhea retorted. “It’s unwise to judge others by their name, perhaps you could meet the princess before casting such judgment, the Empire has a long-standing history and tradition with the Church, in fact, they were the ones who helped Saint Seiros defeat Nemesis. “

“Maybe they will betray the church, that’s what reds always do. Ylisse had this alliance with Plegia and like, their king Validar, which by the way rhymes with Edelgard, betrayed our kingdom. And you know the rest.”

The room finally got quiet for a bit, Flayn just kept quietly sipping her tea, Seteh and Rhea thinking or contemplating. Rhea left a soft sigh.

“I hope these prejudices of yours don’t stop you from befriending those in the Black Eagles, specially Edelgard, it’s in our interest that our knights have relationships with the future rulers of the continent.” She calmly got up from the table, cleaning her dress. “Classes start in two days, I will report to professor Byleth that you will be joining as her student. Please don’t be late.” That Byleth, what was so special about her anyways!? Is it because she’s cute? Or is it because she’s Jeralt's daughter? Okay, Jeralt is a pretty good fighter, but miles below Catherine, so it makes no sense they put him as leader of the knights immediately! I mean, I’m the sister of the chosen one and a princess, I’m pretty sure that’s a bigger achievement already, and they only put me in training duty! Oh, that reminded me of something.

“By the way Rhea _… Catherine misses you_ *wink*”

“I-I’m sorry?” Rhea continued her retreat.

Well, let's just say Catherine did not like my actions so much, or maybe like she did not like it at all. How was I supposed to know that!? Life is so unfair Lucy…

“You did WHAT!?” Let me tell you after I told her, Catherine was _angry_.

“It’s A-Okay Cat! Rhea was totally blushing when I told her, or maybe she was just angry. Nah. You two are totally getting married now. Oh! When you have kids, can I be their honor auntie!?

“What the hell Cynthia!?”

“Geez! Okay, maybe being their aunt is a bit too much. B-But can I be their babysitter? Taking care of children is heroic!” Catherine seemed red; gosh she was SO in love.

“Stop that! R-Rhea… Lady Rhea and I will never ever have children!”

“Aww! Why not!?”

“B-Because…! Stop this, you know why!”

“What? No I don’t! Like when people get married, they always have a kid!”

“That’s not the only requisite, have you even…?”

“What? What else do you need to have kids other than true love!?”

“Goddes, why. Okay listen Cynthia, you need a dick.”

“Wait, really!? How do you even know that!? Catherine, you’re so cool! Always in the know about the crazy stuff!”

“Y-Yeah and- Whatever! I’m not getting married to Lady Rhea anyways!”

“Woah! Why not? Do you like these dicks better?”

“N-No! I like Lady Rhea more than anything! But what am I even saying, it doesn’t concern you!”

“Don’t worry Cat! I get it! Rhea is pretty _snakey_ *wink*”

“Snakey?”

“Yeah like, she has plenty of curves! So, it makes sense you like her that much *wink*”

“Cynthia! That’s complete blasphemy! Just, shut up! You’re only making things worse! Rhea and I will never-“

“Wait, you don’t like her curves?”

“I-I do! Okay, that’s it, this conversation is officially over.”

“ _Of couuurse it is_ …*wink*”

“Stop that.”

“Stop what? *wink*”

“Please understand… Lady Rhea and I, we will never be together. Time has thought me that.” Catherine sat down in her desk, resting her arms in a defeated manner. She took out a bottle of beer. “Some things, are just not meant to be Cynthia. Learn that.” Catherine took a big sip and smiled back at me. “Now, you have a big day tomorrow, better get some rest. That’s an order.”

But that makes no sense! Someone like Cat deserves to get her dreams come true! Lucy, I refuse to believe dreams can’t come true, if not, what’s the point of heroism? How can you be a hero if you can’t ever make everyone happy, that just stupid! So yeah, I started plotting how to get Rhea and Catherine together, okay Catherine doesn’t like it that much when I do that, but I can tell she’s just afraid.

You know what they say, move mountains in the name of love, someone probably said that at one point. She’ll totally thank me later, I imagined. But for the time, like Catherine said, I should get some rest, or at least I tried.

The night before class I was totally not nervous, it is true I barely got any sleep, but I was not getting any sleep before that anyways. Well who cares if I was a bit jumpy, after all that just means I’m braver for going to class.

What was I afraid of? Well, I don’t know! Maybe that I had to study? Or meeting new people, how can that be? I always was amazing with others, like their eyes are always on me. Now that I think about it, being extraordinary was not hard when like eighty percent of the population was dead, on when you are royalty. I guess when the world is ending people are like… More desperate for a hero?

People just don’t seem to care about, well that much about me in Fodland. I’m not even sure they believe my story a whole bunch anyways. The exalt mark is pretty good evidence, who knows they probably think I’m a sort of lost royal or something, they sure don’t treat me like one…

But be the daughter of this Jeralt guy appears and suddenly you got the archbishop being your fangirl. I get Catherine a bit more now, or why Severa hated her mother. I still can’t believe that! How can someone hate her own mother! UGH! Whatever good crap Severa did, those kinds of idiots will always be good for nothing villains. Their whole life is vanity! Like that time I asked her for help to murder a disgusting bug.

“Stop where you are monster of darkness! Cause’ you just got HIRED FOR JAIL!”

“Gods, do you always have to scream like a lunatic while I’m around!? I’m going to catch your stupidity one of these days!”

“Severa unless you think being a total jerk is useful, help me finish this evil spider!”

“Do you realize how much of a total loser you are!? Poor girl! Do you need your big sister to come to rescue you again!?

“Yeah, but like Lucy is on a mission right now! You’re the only one who can save me now! I’m not sure I can defeat this, big, hairy, slimy spider! Is this the end of me, am I going to die!?”

“J-Just hurry up and die already! Not like anyone in the camp would care, in fact, it would be a good riddance!”

“Y-You villain…!”

“Oh? Did I hurt your pathetic baby fweeings?”

“Uh, y-yeah! V-Very much in fact! So much I’m just gonna die right here and now! Come and eat me alive spider! The Ice Queen has taken all my resolve for living…! Severa!? EW-EW-EW! Why did you squash the spider LIKE THAT!?

“Do you mind idiot!? I don’t want to bother taking care of your corpse!”

I just realized Lucy, no matter how much of a jerk she was, I never called Severa an idiot until now… How long has it been since I last talked to her? Does not seeing someone means you get colder? I mean for normal people sure, but I can’t be normal. I realize Lucy, I am a bit lonely. I miss you all very much. I know I’m repeating myself; I just don’t know what else to do. I hate waiting. Waiting is boring.

I arrived late for my first day of class. ~~Its not like I care~~! Wait, neverminded that, I did care because I had no time to get a shower. I had to look cute, you know, like Rhea said, make a good impression on the royalty or whatever. I did make sure to get my ponytails to look extra bouncy that day. Among other things, I had to make up for being late. So I kick open the door to class!

“Justice has arrived! BOOKS PREPARE TO BE BURNED IN THE NAME OF… Um.. Burned paper means fuel for the mind… *Sigh*”

“What is the meaning of this!?” Their professor, Hanneman got up from his desk. So yeah, wrong class. Only one thing I could say. “Whoopsies, so like I don’t have to pay for that door right?” Hanneman continued with his old guy rant. “Do you understand the will to interrupt the practice of knowledge? In the first day of class no less!” He probably said some more blah blah, no way I could focus on his speech when everyone in the class was staring at me. I like it when people stare, especially at me. But oh gods! Those were not normal stares! They were… They were judging me! I felt, oh geez, I actually was embarrassed for once, but why!? I didn’t do anything wrong, so like… I could only think of my mother.

  
“Oh no! I knew it! This is the end; she came here to murder me!” Said a purple-haired girl, after hearing that my focus came to me. Then one of the boys directed his gaze at me. “I am Ferdinand Von Aegir, heir of House Aegir, future prime minister of the Empire.“ He was interrupted by Edelgard, whose gaze was kinda scary if I’m being honest. “You don’t have to do this right now Ferdinand.” Ferdinand then continued. “Ah, but Edelgard, perhaps you’re afraid of something? Surely you know better. Maybe we can do a friendly skirmish and show the door smasher who is better at the art of sword fighting. Or maybe, professor Hanneman, Edelgard, and I could do an exam, just to test who has more knowledge of the two at the moment.” This guy was like, a walking exposition. “Oh no, no! I haven’t studied anything! I’m going to fail the exam so badly Bernie’s going to get expelled from the academy! Wait. Maybe that is not such a bad thing after all.” So uh, the whole class started to argue about the exam, good thing because I took the opportunity to leave while they were not paying attention. I got those Hoshidan ninja skills.

I walked towards the Blue Lions class, this time I made double sure to check on the colors. Blue, the color of heroism. I could remember that easy peasy! “Okay!” I thought. “Who cares anyway if a bunch of red house villains got weirded out by me!? I will give it my all in the Blue lions.” So, I also tried to smash that door, turns out it wasn’t locked, so I fell right through it. I got my epic catchphrase better this time, so that’s something, at least something really.

“I-I'm! C-Cynthia! Daughter of Sumia! Burning books for brains!”

“Shut it. We already heard your demonic screams from the Black Eagles. Go back there, we don’t need any more stupidity in this class.”

“Don’t worry beautiful. My friend Felix just loves his daily dose of hate. Hey look, what a coincidence! The seat next to mine is empty!”

“You two will never change!” A blonde with green eyes sighed.” Please forgive them both. I assure you; the Blue Lions are not all like that” A small redhead agreed.

“Ingrid is right! That was really mean Felix! Don’t you agree Mercie?”

“Yes, that was not very nice Felix.”

“Whatever…”

“You’re a villain Felix!” I knew it!

Then ~~Professor~~ Byleth stepped in. “Um, excuse me, who are you again?” Ugh, how dare she forget my name! She like, doesn’t pay attention at all. Her eyes said it all. They were soulless Lucy. Like seriously, that ghost I saw at the stalls had more life in it than her. It was like she was a living corpse. “Hey, I can help you with that professor.” Sylvain looked back at me, smiling like Inigo. “She’s Cynthia.” He forgot something totally important.

“Daughter of Sumia! Princess, and um, not a silly mercenary like others! I mean one of the many things I’m not, anyways.”

“Um…I don’t know what to say… Good for you. Please sit down. That’s what a teacher would say, right?” Byleth replied, ugh, I hate it when inferiors give me orders.

“Yeah well like, I was gonna sit down anyways. “

“Oh! You can sit next to us! Is that okay Mercie?”

“Of course, it would be wonderful in fact!”

I smiled back at them, those two girls were the nicest people I have met yet, not the coolest but being nice is already something awesome, one of them was the small red-haired girl named Annette, the other, her best friend whose name was Mercedes. I wish they were the teachers instead, seriously Byleth was so totally clueless.

“Um, I think what comes next is a class introduction. Is that okay? I would like to know you all better. So, say your name and… What you want out of this class?” Byleth commanded, Felix didn’t waste his time in order to retort.

“Don’t make us waste our time, we already know each other- “ The blonde girl interrupted him.

“I’m Ingrid from House Galatea! I hope to become of great service to the kingdom one day!” A boy with grey-haired continued the conversation.

“I'm Ashe! And my dream to become a knight!”

“Oh great, we are _really_ doing this.” Felix continued.

“Hey, it’s all cool by me. I´m Sylvain, if you’re a lady you should especially know that. “

“If you are a lady you should _especially_ avoid him” Said Ingrid.

“I agree with Ingrid, perhaps your skirt-chasing is not something to brag about in an introduction.” The prince Dimitri finally spoke.

“Shut up boar, there is nothing more disgusting than a hypocrite scolding.” What is wrong with Felix anyways? He hates like everyone, maybe he is like Severa.

“It's really nice seeing you defend someone Felix!” Mercedes congratulate him.

“Please forgive the language of my friend… Oh, right I’m prince Dimitri of Faerghus, but please just call me Dimitri. “

“Of course, your highness.” Said the boy next to Dimitri, his name was Dedue, he was like Dimitri’s personal butler? Well, Dimitri didn’t like him that much cause Dedue was met with a sigh. Mercedes and Annette continued.

“Oh right! I'm Annette, and my dream is to work super hard and! T-That’s it!”

“I'm Mercedes, and… Please tell me if there’s anything you need!”

Now it was really, really for real my time to shine.

“I'm Cynthia daughter of Queen Sumia of Ylissle! And my dream is to be the _BEST HERO EVER_!”

“So, are you two going to do any introduction?” Said Byleth, ignoring me, again, jerk. She was directing her attention towards Dedue and Felix. Dedue was the first to continue.

“Of course, I’m Dedue, my only hope is to become of good service to his highness. “

“Spoken like a true dog.” Said Felix.

“If his highness wishes it so, so be it.”

“Tsk, whatever, I don’t waste my time with dogs. You already know my name, my only “dream” is to be the strongest so I can cut my enemies on the battlefield. So actually, something useful.” After he finished his sentence, Byleth sat in her desk, poking her cheek with her index, total airhead, thank Naga I’m not like that like at all. Anyways, Byleth, was she… Talking alone? Weeeird… After that was finished, she directed herself to the class.

“So, you are the future rulers of the Kingdom? This is going to be tough… I mean, that is something for you to get… Motivated?

“My only motivation is seeing the blood of the enemy on the battlefield.” Felix said with pride.

“Woah! Calm down there Felix! You are gonna scare away all the ladies. You know you don’t need to ask me my motivation teacher.” Sylvain directed his attention Byleth, she just stared back with those fish eyes, not knowing how to react, she just said: “Thanks Sylvain, I guess…” Was this what class was like? This was easier than I thought! Then Byleth continued. “So, I think class is over for today. Ahem, for tomorrow, please bring a small essay on your favorite figure in Fodland history and… What is something you wish to improve on, I will help you with that, yes.” Great.

As everyone left the class, the prince Dimitri approached the desk where Annete, Mercedes, and I were sitting, Dedue following behind. Let me tell you Lucy, Dimitri, he was _cute_ , his deep blue eyes and blond hair, it was like something straight out of those fairy tales mommy used to read us when we were kiddies, if you saw him, Lucy, you would think he was the noblest man alive and could do no wrong. Like I always say, appearances are totally important.

“Cynthia was it? It’s a pleasure to meet you. I would be grateful if you felt the same.” He extended his hand; I took it and shook it.

“Of course, silly! I love making new friends! Especially when they are important!”

“Please, don’t let my status make you form any wrong opinions about myself. I’m just trying to do my best as a future ruler, I believe hearing from others, those who are different from oneself is of utmost importance to gain wisdom.” He paused for a bit, left a faint smile, almost a small laughter then continued a bit embarrassed. “What I’m trying to say, I’m asking you, I never heard of this country Ylisse, perhaps you could enlighten me of its history, and what’s life like…”

I noticed Byleth was staring at us this whole time, she approached our conversation without permission, maybe she was just jealous I was talking with the prince.

“Cynthia, Dimitri, sorry if I’m interrupting. I don’t know… how to get in a conversation… But, I’m also very interested in hearing about this country of Ylisse. “

“Ah, Cynthia, this is professor Byleth, she… She saved my life from bandits a few days back. From that, I am eternally grateful. I’m sure she will be great at teaching us how to be better at combat. Jeralt truly did an outstanding job in making her a capable fighter. “

“Cynthia! Do you mind if Mercy and I also hear about your home country, it sounds so fascinating!” Said Annette.

“Don’t worry you all! I love talking about Ylisse. Even Byleth can hear! I mean, if she really wants to…”

So I told them the usual story with a big smile, I told them about what I knew about the history of Ylissle, Naga and the manaketes, the rise of Grima, how he destroyed our country, I told them about our friends, about you Lucina, and mother, and her death. By the end, Annette was sobbing, Mercedes hugging her, Dedue looking at the ground, and Dimitri in a deep contemplative state. Byleth was just, serious, like always, does she even have emotions? However, she was the first to say something.

“So, Cynthia, you said you were trying to time travel?”

“Yeah! Well, at least I tried, I don’t know what became of the rest of my friends, but I’m sure they made it!”

“L-Let’s hope that truly is the case…” Said Dimitri.

“T-They must have! If not, Grima might come for Fodland!” Said Annette clearing up her tears.

“Perhaps this is the future where they succeed, or we live in the past before all of it happened.” Dedue continued. “Your highness, do you believe her stories?” Dimitri giggled. Annette answered first. “I do! Although I wish to know how time travel is possible, it must be some very strong sort of magic.” Byleth interrupted.

“Trust me, it is.”

“Really!? Teacher, how do you know that?” Annette inquired.

“Um… I just do.”

After that, Dimitri returned to the conversation. “Time travel… What I would give for such an ability, to have the power to change and redeem the past… Ah, never mind that is but a dream, I suppose we won’t be getting any portals from this Naga any time soon?”

“No. I m-mean, yes! Well, I…” Did not know what to say. “I... I don’t know. B-But my friends will come for me, one day…” Dimitri’s smile slowly faded away, he continued.

“Your friends lost in the past? If so, I truly admire them.” Said Dimitri.

“I will pray to the Goddess for their safety.” Said Mercedes. Dimitri was not done yet thou.

“Cynthia… I-I'm sorry if I’m intruding, perhaps it does not concern me.” He sighed. “My heart is full of sympathy for this mother of yours… You speak with such regret.”

“I-I…” Regret? I never thought about it. I guess I carry with much regret Lucy, do you have any regrets dear sister? “It was my fault my mother died! I was useless, and stupid! And I-I hate it! I would give my life for her if I could, she was so much deserving of everything!” I felt Mercedes's warm hands rest on my shoulders. Dimitri seemed awestruck. “So you want revenge… I-Im sorry Cynthia! I was intruding too much into your personal life. That was completely inappropriate, please do forgive me.” Which I did, who cares anyways, as long as I share the memory of my mother.

Did I want revenge? Is that heroic? I never thought about that, I always thought there would be some great pleasure in kicking Grima's balls in his face and then have dragon stew. But there was something, someone else I hated more, to whom I truly want my revenge against. Lucy I’m starting to realize, I want to destroy the one who is at fault for mother’s death.

Anywaaaays! Dedue informed Dimitri he had some meeting or something to attend to. Dimitri proceeded to part ways. “Thank you for sharing this with us, it truly means a lot. And please, never forget the memory of your mother or those you lost in the way. Even if.” He paused. Seemingly losing the correct words. ” Never mind, I hope we continue this friendship, goodbye for now.” After he left, Byleth started heading out, she stopped at the door and looked back at me. “Thank you, Cynthia.”

The room stayed quiet for a while, I got lost in thought, almost forgot that Mercedes and Annette where right next to me, Mercedes had not taken her hands off my shoulder.

“Mercie, you know what all of this conversation got me in the mood for?”

“Oh, Annie! Of course, I do, tea time! “ Mercedes turned back to me “Cynthia, would you like to join us? Oh I know! Maybe we could go and buy some pastries together? I’m sure it will be fun!“ I was hungry and lonely, and sad, and it was not that time of the month. But most importantly there was _cake_. So, I agreed. I was really getting along with those two. Honestly, I am kinda grateful for getting new friends. I guess people will always like me.

Oh Lucy, the next day was SO lame. I finally had to meet up with Jeralt, and he was so overrated. How do I know this you ask, well yeah, just trust me, ok? I never lie anyways. Lying is unheroic and not cute, just like Byleth. So whatever, I went up to Jeralt, he was bigger than I expected, you honestly feel like you know his whole life hearing Alois always talk about him, but geez, he looked really scary.

“What’s your name kid?” Said Jeralt, like not even looking back at me. What his problem?

“I'm Cynthia! Daughter of-“

“Ok, Cynthia. It is part of my job to give Rhea an evaluation of your skills. So let's get this over with and head to the training grounds quickly.”

What a jerk, he didn’t even drop a pretty please, but not following orders is unheroic most likely, so I had no objections. But oh no, there was this red-haired “girl” waiting outside, ugh let me tell you about this Leonie. You think Sev was stupid? This girl was the worst thing ever. I think she was even worse than Byleth. At least Byleth was like cute, and had chosen one vibes all over her, not as much as me or your Lucy, but you get the idea, Leonie was a stupid jerk.

“Captain Jeralt, if you have any time, I want you to- Oh? And who is that girl?” Said Leonie, looking awful, what was the last time she took a shower?

“That’s, Cynthia I think.”

“Daughter of Sumia. “ I replied.

“Daughter of who? Oh, another noble…” Leonie continued.

“Hey! Whatdoyou mean _another noble_? I'll let you know, I'm a _princess and a hero_! Hero in the making… *“ I continued.

“Yeah, yeah. Cool but I don’t care. Just because you think you are special doesn’t mean you get to hang around with Captain Jeralt. I’m his best apprentice either way. “ Said Leonie, Jeralt was about to interject but I interrupted him.

_“ I am special_. And if you are Jeralts best apprentice, those are some low standards! Catherine has trained me WAY better than this Jeralt. “

“I’m right next to you Cynthia.” Said Jeralt.

“Whatever you say, just because your butlers tell you fairy tales about how good you are doesn’t mean is true. You nobles are, all the same, acting all better than the rest.” Leonie was getting angry.

“ _I am better than most_ you know. Specially Byleth. “

“Hey, don’t insult Captain's Jeralts kid! I am more worthy than her of being her child, but she’s better than some good for nothing princess.”

Jeralt sighed. “How did my kid get mixed up in all of this?”

“Oh! I know Jeralt, let me show you and princes Daisy over there who is the better fighter.” Leonie challenged me, of course, she did, people who don’t have, like as much brains, don’t know how to measure how right someone else is.

“Leonie, I-I did not ask for this…” Jeralt continued.

“Bring it on! Umm… Ok I’m no good with insults but ill still kick your butt!” I accepted her challenge.

Leonie and I, got ready to impress Jeralt. Look Lucy I did not care about Jeralt that much but if it meant showing Leonie who is the better at life, then I am all for it. That spoiled girl needs to get a lesson in humility. That’s why the world needs people like me to shine virtue and excellence all over people who just don’t know better. I don’t blame them, some are just weak.

I picked up my training lance, that’s right Lucy, the same one I have been using with Catherine all this time, Leonie picked up her training sword and a training bow. L-A-M-E, imagine using two weapons instead of one. It just means you need to break the weapon triangle to win. Of course, I was ready first, like a true hero.

“Took you long enough meanie.” I used my special verbal attacks against Leonie. Jeralt was sitting down, beer in his hand.

“You barely took any time at all _princess_. It's just like you don’t even try!”

“I will try all right, try not to humiliate you and Jeralt.” Ohhh, that was a good one! Good thing I read that picture book about cringy lines. Cringe means awesome right?

“Oh hey look, _princess_ , a rainbow!”

So uh, I kinda looked at the sky for a moment. I knew it was a dirty looser trick. But like, you know Lucy, what was the last time I saw a rainbow? It had been sooo long since Grima took over the world. So, I really missed getting to see a rainbow. I miss a lot of things to be honest, which I’m always am, so why do I even bring it up?

Leonie hit me with one of her arrows, immediately she lunged towards me to strike me with her sword. I blocked her with my lance and kicked her back. She tried going for her bow once again. But I was quick enough to strike her before she could, making her drop it into the ground. With now only her sword in hand, Leonie stepped back, looking at me with fierce eyes.

“Okay, not bad. Now come closer to show you how it's done. “

I didn’t think twice, I rushed towards her. I tripped, on a wire. Yeah, turns up Leonie like the big fat jerk she was set up a trap wire beforehand. The only way cowards can win is by cheating. I fell down and kissed the ground. Leonie kicked my lance away and then hit me in the head with her sword. Auch.

“Looks like… You are dead. So that means I won.”

“Y-Yeah! By being a cheater!”

“Hey, I know you don’t have tons of battle experience. But in real life, “cheating” is the difference between life and death.”

“W-What? No! Cheatings only means you’re a villain. True heroes never cheat! Except for Catherine of course!”

“Say you were defending a village, since you’re dead because you didn’t want to cheat it means the whole village is now being sold in a slave market. But hey, you were a hero.” All of this Leonie said it reminded me of what Catherine thought of me. Maybe she was not so bad after all. Nah, let me tell you what she did after this Lucy, Leonie walked towards me, extending her hand. “Time to wake up princess.” I refused to take her hand, she just stood there, looking down at me. She lost her patience.

“Hey! You think I'm gonna cheat you out outside of battle!? Who do you think I am!? Now hurry up and take my hand!” I hid my hand between my chest. Leonie continued. “What, this is how your mommy raised you? To be a bad loser? I can’t imagine what she was like if you turned up like this. Grow up.”

I decided it was time to teach her a _real lesson_. I finally reached out for her hand, as Leonie tried to lift me up, I pulled her over, dropping down to where I was, I immediately took the opportunity to punch her. And then again. Leonie managed to get a few punches of her own. Just as I was about to start kicking someone pulled me over. I tried to punch that person but she intercepted the punch. It was from Catherine. She dragged me away from Leonie, said nothing, and walked away, I was too full of shame to try and say anything. So did Jeralt. Leonie went and chased after him. I had nothing else to do for the day. 

So I went to my room, launched myself into the bed, hugged my teddy bear, and cried and cried for the remainder of whatever time was left. I fell asleep. The next day I did not attend class.

There was one thing I was not going to miss, because there was free desert, besides it was going to be a good opportunity to explain myself to Rhea. The guard stopped me, you know what he told me Lucy? Rhea was having tea time with… _Byleth_. Like why!? Why her? What did she even do to deserve any of this? Is she some sort of goddess or something, everyone seems to be treating her like she was the main character or whatever.

Even all the students like her a lot. Okay maybe with someone like Sylvain it makes sense, cause you know, Byleth has tight thighs. But what the hell, she barely has any personality. And what suffering has she gone through? I tell you she’s spoiled, dishonest, a liar, and not a hero. She doesn’t deserve that treatment. It's not so much about me Lucy. Um, it about Catherine. Yeah, because it means Jeralt is being unfairly promoted because of Byleth being such an overrated person.

The next day, you know what Byleth did Lucy? You know!? She said _this_ in front of the class. “So… Since you didn’t bring your homework Cynthia… I think I need to point that out, in front of the class, so that… You do it next time…? I-I just think it's important for you to learn, please?” UGH. Her nerve! She was calling me an ugly lazy idiot in front of everyone in the class. And guess what, that day she also had tea time with Rhea. In fact, she started having tea time with Rhea from that day on!

Yeah, that day was pretty bad, when Catherine called me to her room, my heart froze. The image of her disappointed face when she broke up the fight between me and Leonie was like all over my head. Was she going to kill me? Okay, that’s a bit too harsh even for Catherine. But I hope she doesn’t make me clean the bathrooms or something worse. As I entered the room Catherine did not even say hi, she just stared down at her desk.

“Do you understand how I feel Cynthia?”

“You feel…U-um… Are you drunk?”

“No. I feel disappointed in you. I told you, to not be like me. That thing you did…”

“But Cat! She totally deserved it! She said mother was like me! Wait…”

“If someone said something similar about Rhea, I would’ve done the same, heck probably even worse.”

“So you agree!?”

“No. That is not how a knight should act. Rather, that is not how you should be acting. You think you’re getting more heroic by having petty fights with other students? Yeah, they gonna write songs about that time Cynthia had a slap fight with Leonie the terrible.”

“Uh… Yeah?”

“No! They won’t! It not only makes you look worse! But how do you think Rhea feels after my trainee is acting like that? You think she’s happy or something?”

“B-But you told me you would’ve done the same! And I want to be like you-“

“Stop it. I’m not a hero. You can still be one. Or are you going to throw all of that away for what?”

Catherine was right I could not let petty things distract me from my dreams, from the only thing I have to make sense out of what happened to mother… Good thing defending the honor of my family is not petty like at all. Still, I made Catherine look bad in front of her crush. That must hurt. I hated it when Severa told Gerome I still had imaginary friends at sixteen at least.

“Cat… I’m sorry…”

“Well, at least you get it. Took me way longer to realize I was doing wrong.” She finally got up from her desk, a smile forming in her face.

“So, about Jeralt, strong guy, right? I think he is pretty cool if you ask me.” Catherine continued.

“Nah, he is overrated as heck! What is so special about him? You know it's SO unfair he gets to be the captain of the knights, even after all the hard work YOU put in.”

“Well.” Catherine scratched her head. “You know, Rhea and Jeralt have a past together. Honestly, it probably has to do with Byleth. Rhea really likes that girl. I-I don’t blame her, she's young, beautiful, and full of talent. Ha!”

“It still is completely unfair. You deserve that position and that amount of Rhea's attention.”

“Byleth is fairly competent, much more than I expected.” Catherine paused and looked to the ceiling before continuing. “Not gonna lie Cynthia, it makes me sad seeing her so close to Rhea like that, especially since it means less time for me. But whatever makes Rhea happy. “I did not say a thing, but that clearly did not make Cat happy. I want to make Cat happy; I figured the best way to do that is to get her close to Rhea. And the main obstacle for that right now? Byleth. Before I started working out my plan, Catherine continued.

“So, in Ylisse, where there any archbishops?”

“Nope, well none that I know of anyways. When I was born… Things were sorta already falling apart. Oh, there was aunt Emmeryn, she kinda looked like a bishop from the drawing I’ve seen.”

“Oh? This is the first time you tell me about her. How come?”

“Well, uh, let's just say she had a pretty sad death… So I never got to meet her.”

“Go on. I mean, if it's not gonna make you cry. “

“She jumped to her death in order to save the kingdom… B-But she did it for the greater good.”

  
  
“The greater good? The greater good… I’m getting too old to bother with maths. What about you Cynthia, do you fight for the greater good?”

“Uh- Yeah I guess so, I mean the greater good is good, right?”

“I don’t know, you can do pretty awful stuff for greater goods… But part of me thinks it's necessary. What do I know…” Catherine gazed back at me, drawing a big smile on her face. “I think I know one thing, we both hate losing, so don’t disappoint me tomorrow.”

Catherine then told me something about the upcoming mock battle and how to make her proud and other stuff… But I didn’t pay that much attention to that part. However, the path was clear. I fail in the mock battle on purpose to make Byleth look bad and then she gets demoted and Catherine gets promoted again, then she marries Rhea and you know the rest. It seemed like a foolproof plan at the time Lucy.

**STEP 1. Get chosen for the Mock Battle.**

So of course, the first step was, uh don’t be lazy and read what it is above. So this was pretty easy, mostly because it was me, so I mean, it was totally obvious I should go and represent the Blue Lions in the mock battle, having much more epic battle experience and all. I mean, some of my classmates have like never beheaded a villain in their lives, or done anything heroic like that for that matter, besides Dimitri of course. So all and all, it was a very clear choice for Byleth. Well, Felix did object in her choosing me over Ingrid, but like, even she admitted I was better suited for the task at hand.

Beside Byleth and myself, we chose Dimitri, which was obvious, Dedue because he was probably literally attached to Dimitri, and Mercedes, because even if they don’t get any of the glory, healers are totally important. I wonder how they do their job, always sounded so lame, helping from behind I mean. Still, having one on your team, someone to look out for you, it raises your spirits.

It… Made me feel, something similar to guilt, because I wasn’t doing anything wrong, I was only looking to help Catherine and no one else, seeing how excited everyone in the Blue Lions seemed about the battle. Like they actually care, that’s so silly Lucy! People in here have the luxury to care about something else that is not being eaten by risen. Is that a good thing? Who knows? It's like they say, bad times create heroes, good times create whiny creatures. Or maybe it was the other way around?

Even the other houses cared about this, Edelgard and Claude came to visit us a few hours before the battle began. Which got me a chance to finally meet Claude, he seemed cool but untrustworthy. And not knightly unlike Dimitri.

“Professor, our opponents are mighty, that is certain, but I’m positive we can win!” Said Dimitri, referring towards Byleth.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t worry too much about it, my flower fortunes said we are totally gonna loose sooo…” I replied to the prince. At that moment Claude and Edelgard walked in.

“Assuring to see the Blue Lions try to trick us into thinking you will go easy on us. Didn’t expect that from the house of his kingliness.” Said Claude.

“N-No, despite what Cynthia thinks, this is no trick. I am confident the short time we had for training will be enough to achieve victory. Probably.” Said Byleth. But what did she know, flower fortunes almost never fail? They only have 22% accuracy rates. That’s almost more than half.

“It almost sounds like you are not a very confident professor. Be advised, no matter your tactics we will destroy you.” Said Edelgard, looking ready to get into action.

“Ah- Edelgard, it's always good seeing your spirit of rivalry, but let's not get carried away-“ I then interrupted Dimitris words.

“Nu-uh! We are the ones who are going to destroy YOU. Truth ALWAYS wins silly! And the truth is, we are better than you and your gang of villany! Be prepared to be SERVED TAKE OUT JUSTICE. Cause… We are so gonna take you out.” For a moment I almost forgot what my true objective in all of this was. (Loosing on purpose of course.)

“Cynthia was it? I’ve heard about you. Well, you should know about that since you came screaming in the middle of class. Perhaps worry with improving yourself before thinking how to beat a superior opponent.” Edelgard retorted.

“Oh yeah. I’m already liking this. You two waste time debating whatever while my class sweeps victory. Nice.” Claude continued.

“I’m sure Cynthia is just messing around, at any rate, lets vow to make this battle unforgettable.”

“No matter the case, I don’t like losing.” Said Byleth. Of course, you don’t.

“I won't hold back.” Edelgard replied.

**STEP 2: Lose the mock battle.**

The winds carried the echo of the trumpet, the battle had begun. The Golden Deer brought besides Manuela and Claude, Ignatz, Lorenz, and Hilda. The Black Eagles, Ferdinand, Hubert, and Dorothea. We hid behind a group of trees in the south of the arena. All of us seemed nervous, gotta admit even I did. Well, except for Byleth, since she can’t feel anything. Dimitri was the first to break the ice.

“Professor, I trust your leadership is the only way we can win this battle.”

“Uh, yeah. Soth- I-I mean, I figured we should take that big rock in the middle of the map, it will provide us cover and therefore big strategic advantage.” Said Byleth.

“Professor, I assure you that same spot will also be highly treasure by our opponents, it may be not in our best interests to pursue that objective, if I may. “Said Dedue.

Now I don’t know a lot, but I know Byleth was not wrong in this one. Rocks are always a good spot for a picnic break in the middle of the battle, or a spot to think of epic moves before attacking. So, I thought, if we wanted too loose, we had to avoid actual strategy, which is for nerds anyways.

“Yeppers, I think Dedue over here is all right. I say we like, try to ambush the Golden Deers in their way to the rock. “

“Oh my. Wouldn’t that be risky?” Mercedes replied.

“Pfft. Cmon, no risk, no win, am I right?” I continued. Dimitri and Dedue looked skeptical. Byleth smiled and nodded.

“I like the way you think Cynthia. We are going to do this. You go up in front as bait, then use the agility of your pegasus to retreat, is that okay? The rest of us move into the forest and prepare the ambush.”

“Yeah, suuuure! Of coooourse, whatever you say Byleth.”

I got onto Bellfire and we flighted towards the rock, now I had to be sneaky on my tactics, I did not want for others to think I was doing it on purpose of course. Or on purpose on purpose, I think.

“HEY CLAUUDE! I'm right here, that’s right all alone! Just for you to come and get me! Free win over here!”

The rest of the gang followed behind me and into the woods, just as they entered, I heard Mercedes scream. Oh no, the Golden Deers were already one step ahead, they were waiting for them already. In hindsight, that should have been a good thing, after all it made losing easier, but my immediate hero senses asked to rush and go help them.

Just then I got struck by a small ray of lighting from the sky, making both Bellfire and I fall to the dirt. I went immediately for my lance and sighted a girl with… Interesting clothes in front of me, later I learned her name was Dorothea.

“My my, Cynthia was it? Sad, we have met like this, you seem like someone really fun to be around. Sadly, I’m not about to disappoint Edelgard.” Dorothea conjured another ray of lighting, this time I was quick on my feet, so I dodged, could not say the same for Bellfire, yep he was definitely out of this one… Dorothea was not expecting that level of skill of course, she started to worry as I lunged forward, she tried conjuring some fire, but I didn’t mind running through it if it meant defeating her.

Yeah, maybe not the best idea, but! I managed to strike my training lance into her, I dropped her to the ground. I was about to hit her again when she called surrender.

“You sure seem excited to meet me. Call me Dorothea.” Without saying anything else, Dorothea walked off the stage, her white flag in hand. However, the rest of the black eagles were not wasting this opportunity. As soon as I tried to reunite with the rest of my class, Ferdinand and Edelgard jumped in front of me.

“I am Ferdinand Von Aegir and I shall hand your defeat with honor. Get ready Edelgard, to be shown a demonstration of utmost strength.” Said, well you know who said that.

“Gods Ferdinand… You really have to do this right now?”

“Of course, Edelgard, I Ferdinand will waste no opportunity to show some friendly rivalry!”

“I'm not so sure about the friendly part…” Edelgard lifted her training axe. “Anyways, let's begging.” She leaped and swung it toward me, I tried blocking it with my lance but only ended up tripping backward. Ferdinand followed on Edelgards actions and stroke me with his training sword.

“ You see Edelgard? It is I who managed to hit her first, friendly advice. You should work on being the first to strike-“ As Ferdinand delivered his speech I kicked him in the legs a few times, with that, I managed to get him on the ground, Edelgard tried to run towards Ferdinand's aid, I stopped her with a good hit with my lance into her stomach, in the short time she used to recover I managed to get Ferdinand to surrender before I broke his teeth or something.

“I… Have been bested. Such a disgrace to House Aegir, I shall train harder! And you should also train harder in protecting your allies Edelgard.” As Ferdinand was taken away from the arena, Hubert leaped into my view.

“Lady Edelgard! You seem injured, let me deal with this nuance for you.”

“Not right now Huber. I can deal with this.”

I actually… Really liked her attitude, this was it, this was the time to prove in front of everyone that I Cynthia daughter of Sumia am a TRUE HONEST HERO by defeating Edelgard the wrong, leader of the Evil Eagles. I started to realize Lucy, I really didn’t want to lose, I tightened the grip of my lance, Edelgard got hold of her ax.

“Time to pay villain!”

“Pay for… what exactly?”

“What you own!”

“Oh. That makes everything clearer…”

“I know right!?”

“You seem eager to deliver justice, can’t say I hate that. Let’s see if you’re strong enough to do it.”

I lunged forward, SO ready to strike. And… well, she dodged my attack, then hit me with her axe in my chest, geez, she was way stronger than she seemed, the impact made me let loose the grip of my lance. Then she hit me in the arm, preventing me from getting it back, and then in the head. That’s when I surrender. Whops. Well that surely hurt, like a lot.

But whatever, it meant we were so gonna lose right. Well, my face dropped to the ground as a saw Byleth and Dimitri emerge from the forest. Apparently, they managed to beat the whole Golden Deer class three vs five, and they only had Mercedes surrender. HOW!? Okay, at this point I was sure Byleth bribed the Golden Deers or something. That or she had some sort of time travel. Or maybe it was because Manuela came drunk to the battle. Either way, she got lucky. Way too lucky. But hey I managed to take out Dorothea and Ferdinand! That was not luck at all!

I was so sure they were gonna lose against the Black Eagles anyway. Lucy guess what. Byleth won, after she and Dimitri took Hanneman, Byleth took Edelgard and Hubert all by herself. What in the pegasus hell!? I tell you Lucy, time travel, is the only way.

Which is also cheating. So let's just say she was, it makes me feel better about myself, especially after realizing… Realizing how much of a failure I was, especially compared to her.

**STEP 3: Profit???**

I hate myself. After all of that, the only thing I got done was getting Catherine demoted, well, she told me that’s not what happened, but really, losing the ability to train me is totally getting a downgrade in job quality. So why? You must be asking Lucy.

Well for starters, Rhea seemed to think I was copying all of that recent “reckless” behavior like punching Leonie, trying suicide tactics on the mock battle, running through a fire spell, was because of the influence of Catherine. Which is complete pony poop. You can’t be reckless if you are as skilled as I am, or Catherine for that matter.

That and apparently, I was underperforming relative to my actual experience. So Rhea was not impressed I 1v2 Dorothea and Ferdinand. You know what she told me Lucy? She said I should have performed like frigging BYLETH. You know a mercenary with “years of combat experience” should’ve been able to handle students with almost no real combat practice easily. Besides, even after I explained my tactics they were deemed as incredibly um, retarded, that’s it. Now I’m the retard yeah. Okay that was kind of the point, BUT, it was Byleth who approved them in the first place!

At the end of it all, Byleth was congratulated by Rhea. But looking at bright side, I now get to train with Jeritza! Yay…! Who am I kidding? I hate everything. In the end, I am the fat ugly retard, not Byleth, not anyone else. Is all on me. I’m a failure. Maybe what I did was not… Really heroic. Was I ever? How couldn’t I be? Everything I did, I did it for Catherine's own good, and in helping her, I was becoming more heroic, and so honoring the memory of mother. Right? What else could it be?  
  


The Blue Lions and the other houses had a big dinner to celebrate, I did not attend. My excuse? I was too injured to do so, Annette and Mercedes brought food to my room after the whole thing was over. In truth, I regret not going. But I deserved it. Instead, I went to check on Bellfire on the stall, being around animals… That always cheered me up.

I can’t ever forget I’m the one who’s carrying what’s the rest of mother’s soul. No matter how unfit and wrong it might be, I’m sure it's my duty.

When I arrived, a dark silhouette could be seen thanks to the soft light of the moon. It was that ghost again, it had not noticed me, yet, I crouched and hid behind one of the coral's walls. Why was I so scared of it in the first place Lucy? It's kinda dumb still believing in ghosts, and what’s more, thinking they can harm the living, well maybe I haven’t changed as much as I would like to believe, maybe, I’m just a little girl who’s afraid of death.

You know, when I was younger I would always skip my training sessions Lucy, mother always used to tell me how strong I would be, that I needed to grow strong in order to protect those who need it. But I didn’t care, I only cared about myself. Growing up I forgot about everyone else other than me, I mean having that much wealth and doing whatever you desired was kinda awesome but, like peasants omg, can’t peasants eat cake and leave me alone or something!? Something like that was my train of thought.

Not going to lie, I miss trying makeup in front of mirrors all day long, I miss asking boys who was the pretties in the castle and why it was not Severa, I miss riding pegasi going really nowhere until sunset, come back to have cake for dinner, and then sleep for like twelve hours straight. I miss my own vanity. But Lucy, you know what I miss even more? Not using all that time, if only one second, to spend more time with mom, if only I had actually trained like she told me so. Her death is my fault and mine only. No one can take that away from me. Now that I’m so more mature I realize, all beauty ends up in dust, the only thing that remains is memory. I can only care about that one thing, yet I cannot live up to it.

The last night mom left, she was in a hurry. Oh mother, you were always so clumsy and scattered brain and yet you always managed to do your best, why can’t I be like you? Lucy, maybe you don’t remember, but she forgot to say goodbye. You had no choice in the matter. I however… I saw her getting ready to leave, she was so scared, I figured she needed someone, maybe the encouragement of her daughter, or words of love, maybe that would’ve made her strong enough to not falter in battle, but she deserved one last hug from someone of her own blood, however unlikely, that is what I am…

Why didn’t I say goodbye? I was afraid of my own guilt. How could I even dare to speak to her, my own mother, who is willing to risk her life for the sake of others and then me, the person who ignored her desire to train with her for so long she gave up, who never paid attention to her love, me who won’t ever wake up early, how could I approach her?

I felt trying to give her courage was more like a big slap in the face. Like: “Heyy, I know I don’t even try but please don’t get hurt cause’ I so care about you! Why do I care about you mom? Yeah, I know I don’t do like anything at all to show you that I actually care, maybe I don’t, but I really do, just trust me on this.”

Curious, when Bellfire came to the castle, full of blood, he approached me first, why? It took like five days to get back mom’s body Lucy, in her funeral, her coffin was sealed shut. I was old enough to know what that meant. I should’ve opened it and look inside, it was only a fair punishment if I did.

Back to the ghost, I don’t know how much time I spent hiding from it, when I finally got the courage to confront it, I peaked slowly and saw it was already gone. Actually, recalling the last time I met it and it ran away from me, maybe it is the one who’s actually scared of me. I approached Bellfire, you could see hand marks on his soft hair, he was being petted. I continued what the ghost was doing, gave him an apple, brushed his hair. That night I fell asleep right next to him, trying to replace the warmth he must have felt when mother was alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! I edited the tags to add angst xD To be honest, this is probably the tone the rest of the chapters are gonna have, and things are most likely gonna get slowly darker. So I hope that doesn't bother you. In any case, I am so grateful if you read all of it and actually enjoyed it. I really hope I didn't waste your time! Please leave comments saying what you thought of the chapter as always it is greatly appreciated, criticisms, what you liked, disliked, stuff you would like to see. Also, is this length of chapter okay? Or would you rather have shorter chapters? I could have divided this one in two, but I felt the need to keep it as one in order to have a more unified thematic coherence. 
> 
> I actually added highlights and colors and other stuff to some parts of Cynthias diary in word to make it look more, well girly. But those things don't transfer to HTML, does anyone know of a way to conserve those effects in Archive of our own?
> 
> As for the next chapter, I should hopefully start working on it right away since I'm really motivated, but who knows. It's probably not going to be as long anyways. 
> 
> THANKS FOR READING!


	4. Entry 3: "The super epic Hero Excursion."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The next chapter should be shorter" Also me: 20 k words. Again, sorry for taking so long, I'm just beginning to accept the reality that I'm a slow writer. But hopefully, you guys can enjoy this chapter, idk if it's too long, I really don't mind long chapters, but hopefully, it doesn't get boring for the reader.

Lucy, after everything that has happened, and that’s like a lot, like hell broke loose, I have to wonder If I even have the right to call little me a “hero”, like to be honest I’m not even that little anymore. You were always so mature even for your age, I was also pretty mature for my age, of course, well I don’t know anymore, but I sure was! Or maybe I should’ve listened more, listened to everyone more, I like pretending like I have duties Lucy, cause like of course I don’t duh. Heroes, they create their own rules~! Do I have a right to that?

I’m just so confuzzled. I wish you were here, well at this point you already know that. I also like to pretend like you are truly listening. Nah, someday you will SO read this, I will make you Lucina, if not get ready to wake up with extra hairy spiders all over your face.

There I go again talking only about myself. Shamir told me to shut up, Catherine and I, well, truth be told, I think mayhaps she doesn’t like me as much as I totally deserve. But bffs have their ups and downs I tell myself. What does bff even mean? Best friends fight? Well, that totally makes sense, you know cause even back in the day I used to have heroic throw downs against everyone else, it was such a wreck. Good times, better times to be honest. But all of this was supposed to be about Catherine, not me.

You and I used to fight sometimes Lucy. You were always blabbing about being responsible and making your own path, and that if you died, I might have to replace you. It got so friggin upsetting that you just. Kept. Saying. That. If you ever died I… I never thought such a thing was possible, but nowadays…

I realize Lucy, my friends are going to die, you are going to die, everyone is going to get ugly and rot someday, more importantly, I am going to die… Maybe the way mommy went, it’s just a reminder of what’s to come. I think Lucy you were totally trying to tell me that, and I am… I’m sorry, I’m always sorry. If only I’ve listened to your big sis wisdom, well, I would probably be in better places right about now.

Maybe there is nothing as painful like regret. Is that how you write it? R-e-g-r-e-t? Weird word, but I kinda get what it means. I regret being such a dummy. Well just maybe I’m much more than a dummy, perhaps I’m a total fat idiot, but just a little bit. I have been eating way too much cake recently. Cake is a lie Lucy. Right, back to Catherine.

Remember last time I slept next to Bellfire? AWW! HE IS SUCH A LITTLE CUTIE! I was angry at first for waking me up like at five of clock, but he so knew what he’s doing. Like being found by a guard sleeping next to a horse, my face ugly like tears, yeah, not really princess like, or hero like even. That’s a weird way of wording that, like heroes are SO above princesses. But I’m both. To avoid the thousand years of virginity and embarrassment I tried going to my room to uh, keep sleeping. Hey I know! But I am not being too lazy! Just average lazy. Besides I was finally getting some sleep. Catherine stopped me in my way there, she called me to her office. You know a girl is upset when she doesn’t even give the g-morning.

  
She sat down in her desk, plopped her head on it, using her arms as an amateur pillow. Then she looked back at me with her creepy insomnia eyes. She took a deep sigh.

“Just… Just say, say it, Cynthia. Right now.”

“U-Uh… Like something to cheer you up? U-Um… Rhea has real thighs? “ You have to remember Lucy, I was like still half asleep at this time.

“No! Well yes. But, can’t you stop that!? You’re this close from crossing a line!”

“It’s okay Cat! I fly over lines!”

“Stop getting between me and Rhea, that crap is none of your business! And it’s getting really, really tiring. For the last time, do you understand!?”

“Catherine… I-I’m sorry that you’re having your period. But I totally understand.”

“Goddess, why me!? Yes, Cynthia, that’s why I’m angry, not because of anything else you’ve done!”

“Wait! You’re angry at me!? I-I guess that makes sense… C-Cat I-“

“Stop calling me like that. Now say it! Say that for whatever reason, you want to embarrass me in front of Lady Rhea. Well congratulations, you’ve won!”

“I-I…”

“Oh no, no. Don’t apologize! Fact is she has been paying tons more of attention to me lately! Like basically every day I get a meeting with her trying to explain why you screw up so much after all our training! Maybe you’ve thought I would’ve found that romantic, I’m not that kind of person. “

My hands took hold of each other, I just looked to the ground.

“Oh great, poor thing. No need to feel bad about it, you’ve won. We are now both officially demoted. Rhea actually thinks you’ve been doing worse since I started coaching you. Worst part is that she’s not wrong, looking at whatever that was you did on the mock battle.” She stroked her hair probably trying to release some bad stress.” The worst part is, I know you are so much better than this! “

“I-I’m going to make this up-“

“Don’t. I told you to stop trying to imitate me.”

“A-Are you… I really want to keep training with you Catherine.”

“Not anymore, professor Jeritza is going to handle your training from now on until further notice.”

“Y-You don’t want to keep training me?”

“Maybe not. Who knows? Another thing, we both now report to Shamir. So anything you need you go through her. Understood?”

I nodded.

“You are dismissed.”

So, I went back to my room to do the only thing I knew how to do in times of pain. Sleep until it went away.

I was woken up like at… two in the afternoon? A knock at the door, it was Mercedes and Annette. I barely knew them at that time, but like they are so full of life, unlike someone else I know. How do they do it?

“Cynthia! We need your help it’s something very important!” Annette continued after I didn’t want to answer the loud knocks on the door.

“Annie, maybe she wants to be left alone for a while.” Mercedes replied. Alone? I hate being alone.

“Is Byleth with you?” I headed straight to the important questions.

“Uh no. So, you are coming!? Oh Mercie, I love this, we are going to make the best cake ever!” Mercedes giggled. “Annete and I thought it would be fun if the three of us made something together. Besides we really are not the best cooks…” Mercedes sighed, Annette giggled and continued. “We would really appreciate if you could lend us your skills. You are a princess, right? Surely you are better at this than we are!”

So, like, who doesn’t ADORE cake? I had to say yes, I did not think twice about it! Wait I totally did. How could I see them with a straight face after everything I did… I lied to them, I made them loose.

I didn’t deserve the cake, okay maybe only those nasty healthy carrot cakes YUCK! But otherwise, I figured it was a fair punishment. I think that’s the only thing to do, suffer. I remember hearing Mercedes step closer towards the door after their request was met by silence.

“I’m sorry for intruding like this… I, If I may, are you feeling okay? If we could help in any way, anything.” Pegasus poop, she got me, people in Fodland have more smarty pants than those in Ylisse. She got me hard Lucy. “N-Nu uh! I-I am A- to the one hundred-Okay! It's not like…! Like…” That’s when I started crying, crying like a rose, woah! That SO was a metaphor. I’m getting better at writing Lucy! Wait, what was the point of this paragraph?

So yeah, like I cried. And they could hear me. I pretended to be laughing at first, but uh, yes… that didn’t work. Still soaking in salty tears I opened the door. Don’t know why, maybe I just wanted someone to see my misery and feel better about themselves. It’s a good thing I’m always thinking how to help others. But wait I don’t. Maybe I truly wanted them to help me. Ugh, sometimes I am just, just weak.

Annette seemed thunderstruck; she was not expecting my reaction, like at all. I don’t blame her neither was I, I hate crying. Mercedes also had an open mouth for a bit, but after getting rid of her hesitation she softly walked into my room. She probably noticed I was hugging my bear plushie. She sat next to me. Not knowing what to say. It didn’t take long for her to regret her life choices and tried getting away.

“Goddes… I-I’m sorry for upsetting you. We didn’t mean to- Please don’t get mad at Annie, this was my idea and- “ I was not thinking clearly, so I hugged her, I missed doing that, out of sadness I mean. Not because I cared about what she wanted to say, I did because I just wanted more shame into my life. It’s punishment, their company was Naga’s punishment. Mercedes returned the hug back. It hurt so much, but I deserved that. Knowing how much she cared for me and yet, yet I always bring ruin to others, to mother, to Catherine… Maybe I should’ve thought to get Mercedes away from me.

You know that recently I have tried to stop lying, the pickle about that is knowing when you’re truly lying. I did enjoy her caring for me, like so directly at least, even if it was myself who did it, the fact she did not deny my hug, well it meant something. It made me feel better.

It did not take too much for me to come back into my senses. “I-I’m sorry Mercedes I-!” Blushing, Mercedes did not waste time in answering back. “Oh no, it’s okay really!” Still, I had already let go.

“Mercedes, Annette. I’m sorry for making you lose the mock battle… Y-You tried so hard and I-“

Annete interrupted, clearing her tears.

“That’s not true at all! We know you did your best! And I don’t doubt professor Byleth chose you for a reason!”

Mercedes continued.

“Annie is right Cynthia; it was not only your fault. If I had been paying more attention, I would have survived the initial ambush… But, besides that. “Mercedes giggled. “It’s all in the past now…”

It’s all in the past? I don’t believe in that nonsense. The past is totally the only thing that’s always there with us.

But maybe for this time, it was all the best If I forgot about it, or so I thought. Lucy, what a big mistake that was. You don’t think too much with an empty stomach. The three of us walked towards the kitchen. Being next to them, it made me really happy. Another thing to be grateful for in this stupid life of mine.

At the kitchen, we both stood in front of the stove, next to us was like… An eight-year-old girl? “What was that little kid doing in here?” I thought at the time, well who cares really. She probably has some rich parents who got her in the monastery. Thank Naga I got in by my own merit and all. The young girl looked at us, we looked back at her, she blushed and turned away, giving us her back and continued her own cooking. Until later I realized she was doing cake.

“So… How do we make cake again…?” Said Annette.

“Oh dear, well learning together is always fun right Annie?”

“O-Of course! We will make the best cake ever… Is just… You can’t really read about getting cooking skills…” Annette took a deep breath. “ So first thing! We make a blend of egg, sugar and butter.”

“Okay! I’m into it.” I went to get the eggs, Anette went for the sugar and butter. “Here comes the eggs- GYAA!” Of course, I had to trip, like I’m sure I tripped on a crack on the floor or something, the eggs went flying and landed on top of the kitchen. That made Annette slip, somehow, in her attempt to regain control she ended up splitting the sugar bag. Mercedes got hold of Anette before she injured her butt. Me? I wasn’t so lucky Lucy. Anette was the first to speak.

“Ow! Why is it that this always happens!”

Mercedes giggled.

“Gosh! Am I going to screw everything up today!?” I said.

“It's okay Cynthia. Falling on air happens way more often than you think.” Annette replied. Then Mercedes looked at the ingredients.

“You two stop worrying. We still got enough to make the mix!”

“Mercie, maybe it's for the best you’re the one who mixes it.” Said Annette.

“Pleeeease?” I continued.

“I c-could try if you two want it that much.”

Mercedes got the leftover ingredients from the mess and put them in a mixing bowl, with a wooden spoon she started mixing everything. It took a while before it all started coming together.

“Its… Slimy…” Said Mercedes.

“And, is it supposed to be this yellow?” Annette replied.

“So that means it’s ready to bake right!?” I answered.

“How long are we supposed to bake it?” Said Mercedes.

“Umm… I think maybe a few hours!” Said Annette.

We heard the echo of utensils hitting the kitchen table.

“That’s it! I can’t take it anymore, you three are a disgrace to cake!”

“Oh hey there little one! You need some help? Are you looking for your mommy?” I said trying to be helpful. Which how things have been going, was not a good plan. The white-haired girl got flustered.

“I am NOT a small kid! I was only cooking extra sugary goodness cake because I like sweets! So, what if other useless brats like eating cake!? Plenty of old people also like eating sweets! And I don’t like it that much anyways! I’m letting you know right now I’m way more mature than the three of you! Specially you ponytails! I deserve to be spoken to like a grown-up! Because in fact, I am old enough, I am fourteen! And I AM NOT afraid of ghosts unlike other kids my age! Being afraid is a waste of time! Wasting time is what immature kids do. And you know what is also a waste of time arguing with immature people like you who go judging by appearances! That is so stupid and I won’t take it anymore…” Uh, she spoke a lot more, but like you get the idea of what she was trying to say Lucy and, I kinda forgot about the rest… I kinda fell asleep, until Mercedes interrupted.

“Lysithea was it? That’s such a wonderful name!”

“Oh? You think I will give in just because you complement me? I’m not a kid anymore.”

“Give in to what?” Said Anette.

“Give in to help you make the cake.”

“But we totally didn’t ask for your help.” I said.

There was a wind of silence, that was broken by Lysithea.

“UGH! Fine, I will help you, just because I want cake for myself. And maybe I could share a little bit with you! I don’t like cake that much anyways!”

“Heey! You kinda remind me of Severa, Lysithea!”

“I don’t know any Severa, sounds like a made-up stupid name.”

“Yeah, she thought the same, well like, because her mother gave it to her. She had like deep mommy issues, and like that made her act all rude and evil but in reality, she was soft as a sponge.”

“I am not soft! A-And whatever, wasting your time thinking of your mother is… A waste of time!”

“What!? Its SO NOT a waste of time. How can you be like, SO ungrateful!? Your mom is the only reason you’re alive, no, she is the one who gave you live! Maybe you’re too young to understand, when I was your age-“

“I’m too young!? Too young for what? Understand life is too short for that? Besides, your mom isn’t the only reason you’re alive”. Continued that jerk Lysithea.

“C-Calm down… The Goddes is the reason we are all alive-“ Mercedes tried to interrupt, but she got countered by the brat.

“Ponytails thinks females can reproduce by themselves.”

“Nuh-uh! They need to get married first!”

“And then the stork comes.” Lysithea continued.

“Well, uh, like-yeah.”

Lysithea covered her face behind her hands.

“I can’t believe this.”

“H-Hey! What, you’ve got a better explanation!? That’s what mommy told me, and like mothers never lie. Are you calling my mother a fat liar!?”

“Yes, or maybe she was just trying to protect your small brain of the truth.”

“Oh yeah!? Maybe you’re the liar! U-Um… I refuse to believe my mother lied to me!”

“Okay Ponytails… Let me explain this you like you were five. See those eggs over there? The ones you spilled over like a baby? Women when they are old enough, start making something like eggs inside their body at certain times of the month. “

“That’s wrong! Periods happen because…! What makes you the expert anyway!? You’re too young to be having them anyway!”

“I-Im not! W-Well lets say, if I didn’t get one, it's not because I’m too young to have them! T-That’s none of your stupid business anyways!”

Annette tried to stop the flow of the conversation. “H-Hey Lysithea! Weren’t you going to help us making a worthy cake?”

“Whatever! Actually, making cake might help me teach you. See the white icing I made? Imagine that’s a boy, now, the icing goes inside the cake icing tool, then when it gets excited it-“

“Lysithea! Is this mix right? I think it’s off. Compared to the one you made; it looks so wonderful!” Lysithea turned her attention towards Mercedes, realizing a deep sigh. She took the mixing bowl out of her hands and threw it all on the sink. “It’s useless, let’s make a new cake from scratch.” Said Lysithea. She commanded me and Anette to pay attention to the process, Mercedes volunteered to clean the mess we had made. Honestly, it might look like Lysithea won the argument, but like, think about it, what makes more sense Lucy? Storks bringing babies or… Babies being made out of eggs and cake icing? Gosh, Lysithea knows like, nothing.

Well, to be fair, which I am, she does know one thingy. She really knows how to make a good cake; she really seems like an expert at it. Or maybe I don’t know anything about cooking… Maybe I should’ve learned how to cook, instead of making all the servants bring me food all the time. Was mommy a good cook? I barely remember what her pies tasted like.

So Lysithea left that last cake she made to the three of us, I mean she had one whole cake for herself. Mercedes was the first to thank her.

“You’re welcome, now I won’t have to waste more time thinking of how you all disgrace the masterful art of cooking cake.”

“We’re sorry Lysithea.” Said Annette.

“D-Don’t be! Normal people have the right to be a failure sometimes. Ponytails!? What in the world are you doing!?”

“Wha-?” I swallowed the bite I took off the cake because talking with your mouth full is SO impolite. “I’m eating?”

“You just don’t! You don’t take a bite of the whole cake! You’re supposed to carefully slice it first! Now my creation is ruined!”

“It’s okay Lysithea… We don’t really mind. “ Said Mercedes.

I continued munching.

“Woaaaah! This is SOOOO good Lysithea! You look ignorant, but you’re actually really totally good at this!”

“You say it like I need your appraisal…!” Lysithea blushed. ” Thanks, anyway, I’ve got things to do, more important things to do.”

“Oh! Maybe we could cook sometime else? This was really fun! Don’t you agree Lysithea?”

Lysithea looked at both sides with her eyes in a thoughtful manner, then she nodded, grabbed her big cake, and went away. Mercedes left faint laughter.

“What a kind girl.”

I gave Anette and Mercedes their equal share of the newly made cake. They both thanked me with a sweet smile. I liked being thanked. It had been a while since the last time that had happened.

We started eating right there in the kitchen, truth be told, I was already eating anyways, so they probably thought why not join me. My stomach was a bottomless pit, I hadn’t gotten any food since the last day before the mock battle, so it all made sense. I mean it made sense we didn’t talk a lot while eating, which I usually do, not because I’m not interesting. After they finished Annette spoke.

“Mercie! Look at the time, I forgot! We had cleaning duty on the library today! I made sure to write it down and all. Oh, why does this always happen!”

“Oh my. It’s okay Annie, I’m sure Thomas will forgive us from being a little late. And we are all looking forward to hearing your cleaning melodies.”

“Ah! Don’t talk about that in front of my new friend Mercie! It’s embarrassing.”

“Cynthia will you forgive us? We need to go and clean the library, actually, would you like to come with us?” Said Mercedes, immediately a sense of deep guilty came back to me.

“N-No thank you… I think I should get some rest, I barely slept yesterday, or rather today. “I replied.

Mercedes smiled. “Oh, it’s okay! Actually, here, have the rest of the cake, it will do you some good.”

They both waved away as I saw them leave the kitchen. Huh. And that was that. I was alone, again. As always. Is this my new life Lucy? Maybe not. Annette called me her “new friend”, am I truly their friend? I like to think I am, I thought at the time, “maybe everything is not so bad”, it all made me feel better, but since I’ve gotten totally smarter, I know a feeling is not reality. I know it’s not… Growing up its hard Lucy.

The sun was setting as I walked outside the kitchen into the dining area, it was that time when it was too late for lunch, but too early for dinner, well, I always say well, BUT, well for normal people it was too late for lunch and too early for dinner I mean.

The whole place was lonely but you could see a soft shadow being cast to the ground. There was girl sitting down at one of the tables. Her skin was pale, almost sad, so were her eyes, they seemed withered, like a relic from an age long gone, so it’s like really sad but also kinda pretty.

But that’s not the first thing I noticed Lucy, you know what was it? The girl was eating SALAD. And I don’t mean like salad and something else. No, only SALAD. I had to do something about that, no one with a clear state of mind can do that, that atrocity! Aaaand I was feeling lonely… But you already know that.

You know, the way she sat, and how she was eating, it reminded me of someone.

Like, I sat in front of her, no questions asked, because the salad issue was obvious anyways. I put a plate of glorious cake in front of her. She didn’t move for a while, was she scared? “THE SALAD IS CONTROLLING HER MIND.” I thought. So I inquired further.

“Helloooo! So, like, what’s your name? You’ve probably already heard of me! Cause like why wouldn’t you, but just in case. I’m Cynthia daughter of Sumia, and now a knight in training!”

The girl looked down, the way her hair fell down like a lost doll. NOW, Lucy, get ready for like, the best plot twist in the history of ever.

“Wait a minute…” And so I thought and thought for a literal minute. “OMG. Have you been at the stable!?” The girl clenched her hands, and bit her lips, then she finally spoke, without looking back at me.

“Bellfire… B-Bellfire is the name of your horse.”

“OMYGOSHOMYGOSH. You are the g-g-g-ghost! S-Stand back right now! Wait a minute… Ghosts don’t need food… Especially healthy stuff like salad.”

“The Goddes has not taken me to her just yet…”

“So, you are alive… Well, you look kinda dead from afar, but it's okay! I also look disturbing after I don’t shower for a month!”

At this point the plot was really starting to get really thick, and by that I mean like, neither of us knew what to say, I mean, I waited for her to say something since she seemed really anxious, so I just sat down and continued eating the cake I gifted to her, but she totally didn’t mind anyway. Suddenly, the girl continued.

“Bellfire… He’s getting really tired recently. I-I think it’s because he is getting old If I may…”

“Woah! And what makes you the expert miss? Only me and my mother, my mother Sumia, know Bellfire to make that kind of assessment.”

“I’m sorry, I never should open my mouth anyhow. I’m a curse to everything I touch, maybe that’s why he seems so tired. “She paused, holding her hands harder. “I am bothering you?”

“Yeah, you kinda totally are to be honest.”

“It’s all my fault, I cursed your precious pegasus. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, that’s so not true! The way I’ve peaked at you at nights, not because I was scared or anything, Bellfire really likes you.” Then a deep idea came to my mind.” Well, let’s just say I’ve never seen him like someone so much besides myself obviously since I saw him with mother.” The girl finally turned her gaze to meet with my line of ugly sight. “Gyaa! I-I’m s-sorry! I… Okay fine, I was scared of you just a little bit…” I guess in retrospect, her eyes were grey, but like a good kind of way, like relaxing, like the mist you would find dreams. Her iris, mommy used to have those same eyes Lucy. After the last comment I made, the girl looked down again. At this point I was actually interested on what she had to say about Bellfire.

“So uh… You think he’s tired?” The girl nodded. “So, like why is that, you think he’s getting old? I mean to be fair he is like… Thirty?”

“Thirty!? I’m sorry. I’m only good for bringing bad news! I’m useless… Useless.”

“Hey! Just what are you trying to say!? Bellfire is not dying anytime soon! Okay!? Especially not because of the opinions of some useless girl! Maybe you actually cursed him, in fact, you might just be cursing me right now!”

“You are right. I only bring misfortune to those around me, now even animals.” The girl got up, without lifting her gaze. “Please look after Bellfire, anyone could do a better job of that than me.” A few drops of tears fell to the ground as she left, covering her face in shame.

As I grabbed the leftovers of her plate of salad, I realized I was also sobbing. Mother would have wanted me to finish the plate. She always used to say to not waste any food. Especially healthy food, in mother's mind, nothing was truly useless, only herself. Oh, mother, how sorry I am for never telling you how beautiful, great and precious you were. Yet how can my recent actions reflect any of that? If what that girl said was true, if Bellfire was… If he truly was getting old, I would be alone in having memory of you mommy. It can’t be.

But that girl, that girl full of pain, I forgot to ask her name. What if I never saw her again? Suddenly the idea made me really angry, that girl had the nerve to talk about Bellfire like that and then walk away, like she… What? What!? Was she sad? Why would she be sad, it’s not my fault she had to die! Disappointed? Of what!? Was she judging me? Was she walking away from me? From what I’ve become? Why did it make me so…? So chaotic.

Well, at the time there was not a lot I could do anyways. I went and check on Bellfire, who was sleeping, sat right down next to him, and paid close attention to his heart beat, his breathing. Talking to animals might be childish Lucy but, well yeah I don’t have anything to argue against that. Still, I whispered into his ear my appreciation for him, then he rested his head next to me, which was like, really, really heavy, but I welcomed it nonetheless. Mommy always used to say pegasus were way more perceptive than they seem. Why I never believed her?

I went to my room just to fall asleep for the remainder of the day, I forgot Lucy, I forgot If I ever had a nightmare that night… Well, actually maybe because the next few days were kinda real-life nightmares.

After class I made the habit to have some lunch with Anette and Mercedes, sometimes Ingrid also came along. But of course, I wanted to impress them more than I already have, so I asked them to come and watch me train. It was kind of a bad idea. Hmm, am I only having kind off bad ideas recently?

  
Well, to continue the story, the day came, I arrived at the training grounds, where Jeritza was already waiting. He… Does he even know how to smile? As he saw the three of us enter, he was aghast for a few seconds. Was he looking at me, at Mercedes, Annette? The three of us, well I gotta admit with humility and all, we all are pretty cute, but still, Jeritza is like fifty, so it was kind of weird. It did not take long for him to call my name.

“Cynthia, you are twenty minutes late, how pathetic.” Said Jeritza like an angry statue.

“H-Hey! I had to make those twenty minutes for my afternoon nap! And the afternoon cake duh.”

“I don’t care about your childish excuses, from what I saw in the mock battle you’re nothing but a joke of a fighter.” Blah blah blah, whatever. As he said this, Annette and Mercedes went to sit down, I noticed Jeritza glanced at them for a few seconds. Before I interrupted him.

“Gosh! You really are some big jerk huh!? For your information, I am Cynthia daughter of Sumia, and I was trained by the legendary Thunder Brand Catherine herself-“

“And that is precisely why they sent me to train you. “

“Wait… I think that was like an insult, but I don’t get it? Hmm… Maybe you can explain it to me so that I can think of some killer comeback.”

“You’ve got a crest from what I’ve heard. “

“Yeppers, or something like that, the one and only EXALT BRAND. Well more like the second and there are… plenty of them. But still TOTALLY special.”

“Having so much pride on your crest, it a sign of weakness. Fight and make no use for it.”

“Aww! But then how can I win- I-I mean, that’s no fun!”

“I won’t ask you a second time, get ready, now.”

Yikes, well, I only followed his orders to please Catherine, I don’t want to put her to shame any longer, I think I learned my lesson.

But not really, I never learn. For the time, I followed his demands anyways, as I put on my training gear and weapons, I noticed Mercedes, was she… Starring at Jeritza!? Omygosh, could it be?

I was ready to show him, who is the real jerk, I mean who is the real hero, did he even care about that, he sure seemed like he was trying to prove something. And so, did I… So did I? What was I fighting for, my mother’s pride?

“So uh, I’m totally not saying this to intimidate you or like anything. But I almost destroyed the Death Knight all by myself! I just let him go because I’m such a merciful person, soooo, if you ever feel the need to beg, don’t think twice.”

Jeritza looked at me with the eyes of a grim reaper, he said one word which made my skin freeze.

“Liar.”

Holy cow, he dashed towards me, no restraint, how in the hell was he like so fast!? Was he some sort of secret Taguel? And he even found my secret hero weakness so fast! Which was well, my vulnerable parts like the stomach, the face…However! Real heroes never give up! They on fall to try, and try, and try, and try… As I lied, half dead on the ground, Jeritza pulled me up, like when a hunter takes his prey.

“Now, round two.”

He didn’t even give me like no time at all to prepare for round two. I miss Catherine, we used to have bathroom breaks after every while. This time I blocked the few rounds of Jeritza’s attacks, after realizing he was not getting through, well not that easily at least, he stood there looking like a scarecrow at my soul. “Try and hit me, you pathetic creature.” I forwarded my Lance towards him, he simply skipped to the other side, I quickly aimed my weapon to the ground but Jeritza took the opportunity to slip between the opening I made in raising my weapon. In one or two seconds, he was already behind me, at that point I knew I already lost. He struck my back making me drop even more painfully this time.

“Look at me.” I could barely open my eyes of how tired and defeated and stupid I was. But I’ve felt I had no other option; I didn’t want to try and see what would have happened if I didn’t comply. We finally made eye contact, which was one of the scariest things I have ever done in my life besides that one time I found a spider nest in my room.

“Now, beg, beg for your life.”

“Wha…W-What are you saying…”

“I won’t repeat my words again insect. Beg, or prepare to be gutted.” Jeritza raised his sword, aiming at my head.

“W-What… Are you doing? I-I-“ He continued gaining force for his deadly slash, he truly showed no signs of stopping. “P-Please! I’m sorry! I don’t want to-“

“Jeritza stop!”

He struck with such force enough to split the ground in two, I had already closed my eyes. As I slowly opened them, I found his training sword just to the side of my where my head was, its tip buried deep in the dirt, whose recoil had made my face all dirty by the way. Still, no way Jeritza missed that accidentally, were Mercedes words really that powerful?

Jeritza walked away without really saying anything else, besides “Don’t be late for tomorrow's training.” I could hear the cold bang of the door closing. I did nothing but rest on the dirt for a while more. Anette started awkwardly clapping.

“H-Hey! You did great Cynthia! You never gave up!” But I did.

Probably after seeing me not getting up in what felt like just a few hours, they both came to pick me up, their lift was good enough for me not to fall down again.

“O-Ouch…” I said, trying to get a point across, I think.

“Woah. That looks a bit bad don’t you think Mercie? Maybe Professor Jeritza went a bit too hard on her…”

Mercedes sighed deeply. “I… I never thought I would see him like that… Jeritza I mean.”

“Does he remind you of… Someone… Someone, you like?” I subtly inquired.

“Well… “Mercedes released faint laughter. “It’s not possible. “

“Your words made him stop that psycho killer mood he had on. That’s kinda totally impressive.” I continued.

“Ohh! Yeah, I saw that, he really cared about your words huh Mercie. “ Said Annette, trying to tease Mercedes.

“I don’t think he cares about me… He just- He just realized he was about to make a mistake, that’s why he left.” Mercedes replied. Ohhhh! I think she totally has the love sickness Lucy. OMG, student-teacher love, that is so forbidden but like so romantic. The idea of someone liking Byleth almost made me puke. Thank Naga that’s not what’s going on.

“H-Hey… Can you two maybe come and watch me train for these next few days? I’m kinda scarred of that guy to be honest…”

Mercedes was about to speak but she was interrupted by Annette.

“Of course! Seeing you trying so hard is always motivating!”

Mercedes stopped trying to say whatever was on her mind and gave me a silent nod. She had something weighing on her. Most likely how to get Jeritza to like her, you know important stuff.

But not as important as me trying to figure out how I was going to survive these next days of training. At the time, nothing else I could do, so I headed towards my room to rest my princess-hero body.

And even thou I had backpain like for a week, these memories seemed so nice, no more like innocent compared to what was about to come in my life, worst part is that everything I do trickles down misfortune unto everyone else.

Those days, as I laid in bed, I couldn’t stop thinking how much nicer Catherine was when training me, again, regret. Yeah, okay she was rough and mean. But it felt like she always had a purpose in mind, like she cares about me, I like it when people care about what I do, especially someone so cool like Catherine.

Jeritza on the other hand, it seemed like he only wanted to prove something, prove that I’m worse than him? What did I ever do to him to deserve this anyway? He probably just got Jelly that I beat the Death Knight like an eighty percent pro.

Geez, have I mentioned how bad I feel about what I did to Catherine Lucy? She only showed me kindness and I only manage to punch her back. Why? I was so sure all this time I was trying to help her and no one else, well, her and mommy, because that’s what pure princesses like me do. Have I been lying? Have I been failing because I’m doing this for someone else instead? But for whom? I am so selfless I cannot even fathom the idea of someone more important than the legacy of my mother in myself.

Catherine was nowhere to be seen, since her demotion she was always working on missions, on her free times, she would anything that needed fixing or cleaning the monastery.

Either way, she had no time to talk with little me, even if she did, I’m not sure she wanted to… It’s so… Disheartening seeing someone work so hard just to not get any recognition from the one she loves. I can’t believe someone can live like that. How sad is that? I hate all of it, I probably would hate anyone who lived like that besides Catherine anyhow.

That’s why I had to do something to make things right. To my own failure, that is the only way I know.

So the next day, before class I went to talk with Shamir. I gave a faint knock on her office, which used to be Catherine’s, she let me in, as soon as I came clopping through the room her smile disappeared. Well not like Shamir smiled anyways, but like her imaginary smile for sure disappeared. She was writing a letter, so I took the initiative to break the ice.

“Hellooo! Oooh! Is that a letter? Who is it for? Maybe someone s-p-e-c-i-a-l?”

“Yeah, is a tax report to the church, if I didn’t call that special, I’ll be accused of heresy.” She put the quill down. “You came for Catherine? Well, she’s not working in here anymore, so please don’t waste my time.”

“Woah! Are you like some kind of mind reader!?”

“No.”

“W-Well I mean…” There was an awkward fart in my train of thought, does that makes sense? I felt like Shamir was piercing my very soul. “You gotta help me Shamir! Pretty please! Jeritza is such a jerk and I-“

“Oh wow, so know of all times you miss Catherine huh?”

“Y-Yeah! I miss her like a lot!”

“Understood. You can leave now; I have adult business to take care of.”

“But uh… You can mayhaps help me…?”

“And why would I do that? Tell me again whose fault is it that Catherine got demoted?”

I looked down at the floor like a puppy but the puppy actually looks like a kitten because that way is cutter.

“What are you doing?” You could hear a knock on her desk. ” Catherine really took some mercy on you if pull up this crap all the time. Now unless you need something that is worth my time, leave.”

“Wait a minute… Are you angry at me too?”

“I am. Catherine has been… “ Shamir sighed. ” Sad since her talk with Rhea.”

“I know right, because she misses me! Hey! You just admitted you have feelings for Catherine! Feelings of sadness I mean *Wink*.”

“What the hell are you trying to do? Of course, I care for Catherine, she’s my best friend. “Shamir leaned back on her chair.” What a bad ordeal. It bothers me seeing her… Like that.” She took a deep breath. Most likely in some sort of resignation. ” Unlike you.”

“L-Like me?”

“Cut the crap. You seriously think Catherine is sad because of you?”

“W-Well… Yeah, but no, I mean she is but only mostly.”

“I can’t believe this.” She got back on her straight position, like a teacher.” Let me break the news for you. She doesn’t like it when Rhea pays less and less attention to her, that’s the only thing she can think about”

“H-Hey that’s so not true!-“

“Trust me, I know that more than anyone.”

“I mean, she does care about me! And you…Well, probably.”

“Yeah. Probably.”

“Ohh! I sense someone who is jelly Catherine’s not paying that much attention to!”

Shamir closed her eyes and bit her lips. “I’m not the one begging to change what’s done. At least I can accept Catherine doesn’t like me that much, and you… Probably even less.”

“But I can change that…! By asking others to change it for me.”

“No, no, you’re not going to pull up that bullshit with me. Own to the failures of your past already.”

“Y-Yeah? Like what? What are you suggesting?”

“Oh you know, like maybe coming here to ask for help, that was a big mistake. And you know what else.”

“What else tough girl?”

“I don’t want to make you cry.”

“But I’m not the only one being emotional right now.”

Shamir got up from her desk and faced me. I almost ran away in fear. Maybe trying to play smart with a mercenary was not such a good idea, like “Oh gosh shes gonna kill me alive and then feed my flesh to the cats in the monastery” I thought. Then again, everything has been pretty PG until that point.

“You off all people should know there’s no reason in those kinds of relationships, nothing lasts forever.” She said those words with such conviction that I almost tripped backward.” Catherine knows that, I know that… That’s fear, maybe you should know a bit about it. “Shamir went without even looking back at me and opened the door. Then she continued. “Get out, train hard, if you somehow manage to impress Byleth on your next class mission then, maybe I can ask Rhea a reconsideration. I really don’t like this job.”

“S-So you’re helping me!?”

“I’m going to help Catherine, and I don’t trust you, so I’m expecting you will disappoint.”

As I walked across the door I asked one last question. Or maybe two.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“None of your business.”

“W-Wait, so does Catherine cares about me? Like in a scale from one to one thousand how much?”

“This again. If I get you to leave… If you were to die, she would be surely sad, that’s the Catherine I know.”

Shamir closed the door.

If you were to die, she would surely be sad… Only if you were to die. Catherine and I really are like each other. Is that a good thing? I’m starting to get, among other stuff, why she seems to dislike me, I don’t think I like myself that much anymore, especially at class, I hate classes, it’s all Byleths fault. The next day she asked me to answer a question on her dumb lecture, and like how was I supposed to know!?

“Okay… Hopefully, you guys got it after this fifth, or was it sixth? Well, was my explanation clear? How about you Cynthia?”

“Uh… Yep, I mean like you could have explained that better, but I totally got it.”

“Oh… Well, I’m sorry, but I’m happy as long as you understood it, I think---I mean, just to make sure: Explain to me the logic of the weapon triangle, please?”

“The logic… Like… I’m like Felix you know Byleth.”

“WHAT” Said Felix. Sooo… I continued.

“I like, only need to cut all the bad guys into smithereens cause yeah I’m that awesome.”

“And then you will get beaten to the ground because an axe easily breaks a spear, costing your allies a valuable resource and possible casualties.”

“Okay… Yeah because you know sooo much.”

Byleth sighed. “Sometimes Cynthia, I feel like you don’t listen to me at all… Is that making me… Sad, disappointed? “Byleth poked like her own cheek, what an airhead. “What a estrange feeling. Oh right! Class dismissed” She sat down in her desk, like thinking or something.

The boys had already planned for the afternoon, after having lunch they would go and train on their horses or something, as for me and the other cute girls of the class, except for Byleth of course because even thou she is totally not beautiful she is hardly human, remember fish eyes.

Anyways so we decided that after eating we would go and give poor Ingrid some makeup tips. Now as you might already know Lucy, I hate that kind of girly stuff, obviously, but like I was pretty good at it, and so it made no damage to help someone in need, that’s what heroes do and everything.

“Oh, thank you for agreeing to this Ingrid, I’m sure this will be so much fun!” Said Anette.

“Yeah~! You will look SO cute after we are finished with you. Wait, that’s not like a romantic way of saying it is it?” I continued, then Ingrid awkwardly giggled.

“Does it have to be romantic?” Said Ingrid.

Mercedes agreed.

“Oh, not really, besides thinking of such things is highly stressful.”

Ingrid smiled back.

“You don’t have to tell me about it, my father-“

I interrupted her.

“Ooh! You girls have someone in mind you want to catch with your m-a-k-e-u-p~?”

Annette was the first to respond, she did in a playful manner.

“No way!”

Mercedes shook her head, with a soft smile. Ingrid did the same.

“Aww cmon! You can’t deny what’s like… Like there!” I said, a bit frustrated. Mercedes inquired further: “What do you mean?” I responded to her very important inquiries. “Like for example, Dimitri, I mean he is pretty cute!” After realizing what I just said, we all blushed. I guess Annette continued my un intended train of thought to try and make it less awkward and stupid, well less than it already was, or maybe she was already playing along.

“Well… Ingrid seems pretty close to Dimitri.” She said giggling.

“I-It’s not like that! Dimitri is nothing more than a dear friend to me, but I have to admit, it is my dream to serve him as a knight, just like Glenn did.” She took a moment to take back her composure. “Hey, what about you Annete? I’ve seen you and Felix together lately.”

“What! Never! Felix is a villain, a villain I tell you! He sneaks up on me while I’m singing!”

“Oh my, Annie… Does he like your voice?” Mercedes said.

“Omygosh, bad boys who are into cute girls is like SO romantic.”

“Mercie you’re not getting free from this! Are you interested in any boys in the class?” Annette replied.

“Oh, me? Well… Not really… “She giggled.” But Sylvain, he is so interesting don’t you think?”

“That’s a disgusting idea.” Ingrid replied. “Please, please stay away from him.” Mercedes just smiled back and she continued instead. “Well, it’s not like he would lay eyes on me anyways.”

“Not yet.” Said Ingrid in frustration. “It’s a miracle she has not tried to woo you or Cynthia. “

“Because I’m too good for him obviously… But I kinda wish.” Other than that, I was not letting Mercedes get free out of jail for her clear crush on professor Jeritza. But I had to be subtle.

“Sooo… Isn’t anyone else in your mind, any… You know, teachers?”

“Cynthia! It’s wrong for students and teachers to have feelings for each other’s!” Said Ingrid, a little disturbed.

“But like, forbidden love is like the loveliest, don’t you think Mercedes?”

“W-Well…” Her eyes were rolling soo hard thinking what to say, then she said one of the most retarded things I’ve heard like in my life.” Don’t you think Byleth is cute?”

“NO!” I answered immediately, trying not to puke all over the place.

“Hey! What about you Cynthia!? Rumor has it you have been meeting with someone in the horse stalls!” Said, Annette getting annoying for some reason. “Wait, rumor!? Rumor? Who has been saying these “rumors” “I thought to myself, I made a mental note to clear this stuff up later.

“She has been meeting with…Marianne?” Said Ingrid. So that was her name.

“Nu-uh! I don’t know any Marianne; what kind of name is that!? It sounds like food. “

Mercedes answered.

“Oh, yesterday she was in the dining hall...”

“Ah! That girl… “I figured.

“So?” Said Annette, stepping over someone else business.

I stopped to ponder like an intellectual, cause this was important, “I guess she is kinda cute, not as cute as Byleth or even Mercedes but… Well whatever she doesn’t deserve my attention.” I pondered to myself.

Then I answered the girls.

“Nah.”

Mercedes continued; couldn’t they just leave me alone in this!? Whose idea was to bring this dumb conversation topic anyways?!

“So… You don’t like girls Cynthia?”

“ E-Eh!?” It didn’t take me long to realize the truth. “Know that you mention it…” I remembered poking my cheek. “ I guess I also like girls, but who knows, a hero has no time for love! Unless he has of course.”

Finally, Annette came to her senses and switched the conversation, topic. “All of this is getting me so excited! Let’s get the makeup ready!”

“Well, don’t get carried away, I only agreed because I can’t let your make up kit got to waste.” Ingrid replied.

“Annie, she’s right, how much makeup have you wasted in these last few weeks?” Mercedes continued.

“Wait a minute!” I gasped. ” Are you like supposed to use all your make up before throwing it away?”

Ingrid sighed to my silly comment. I think her reaction took us all by surprise. As always, Mercedes was the first to speak.

“Is something the matter Ingrid?”

“Oh, it’s nothing really, it's just… You two are so privileged you know that?”

“Yeah I do” I replied. Annette’s reaction was a bit different.

“I-I’m sorry Ingrid, knowing you, it probably annoys you seeing me waste so many resources.”

“That’s not it, d-don’t worry about it-“Said Ingrid.

“Oooh, then what is it?” I interrupted her, in my unheroic craving for gossip. You know Lucy, a girl who doesn’t like makeup probably has daddy issues, or most likely some romantic drama. Mercedes tried to save some face, so she giggled.

“Oh, Cynthia you’re always so funny!”

But the attempt came too late.

“I lost my fiancé in the Tragedy of Duscur…” The Tragedy of Duscur? Suddenly I really felt like an idiot for not paying attention in class. After her words we all stopped our tracks, well I did a bit more than stopping and kissed the ground but I got up like nothing happened at all. And I just couldn’t shut up. “Wait… Was that the supper gory event where people were like burned alive? You… You were there…?” Ingrid did not even look back at me, something deep was on her mind.

“No, but Glenn was.”

“G-Glenn? Wasn’t that Felix big brother?” Annette inquired; Ingrid nodded. After a brief moment of silence, Ingrid continued.

“He died like a hero.”

“Ingrid…” Said Annette.” I’m just so sorry! I-…I had no idea.”

“It’s perfectly fine Annette. He did the right thing, it was his duty to lay down to protect the king…He made the ultimate sacrifice, I will always love him for that.”

“Is possible to love someone who… Gone?” Mercedes questioned.

“Of course, it is!” I answered not even thinking twice about it, the four of us stayed quiet for a bit, as always Mercedes had like this really smart way of speaking, it made me, well a bit jelly, she had a way of speaking with sincerity, like almost innocent. I guess that’s one thing I’m not Lucy, but not like in a perverted way of course.

“Maybe… Maybe it’s like loving the Goddess.”

Annette asked what she meant, yeah that was kinda confusing the first time I heard it, Ingrid looked at Mercedes like with great interest, Mercedes took time to answer:

“I-I mean, sometimes you just- “She paused to rethink her words, then continued.” I can’t see why the goddess allows many things to happen, it’s hard to love someone who is not always present with you…”

“If someone is not there with you, it means they don’t love you.” Annette replied bluntly, to my surprise.

Mercedes was taken aback by the comments of her friend, they probably knew something I didn’t. “Maybe so, but loving someone like that… Isn’t that, what’s the word?”

“Selfless”. Said Ingrid.

“Selfless love… Like what does that mean…?” Suddenly I got an urge of sadness, thankfully it didn’t last long.

“I’m not sure…” Mercedes continued.

“It’s better to not talk about things you don’t know Mercie.”

“Annette, maybe you don’t know me so well then.” As soon as those words came out of her mouth, Mercedes looked awe struck, well maybe that’s not like the best description, how to say it… She was like when a dog bites its owner. “Oh Annie, I-, please forgive me-“

“I-Its okay Mercie…”

Both of them looked at the ground like ashamed puppies, it was a good thing they got like really upset, it gave me hope between me and Catherine, because like, BFFS do fight sometimes!

It’s kinda crazy how recently I always feel better after seeing others fight. Maybe that’s why Catherine hates me now. Well, that conversation was a giant mood killer anyways, we all kinda just accepted that having a cute make up session was not the best idea.

Ingrid was the first to take leave, citing her lack of recent training as a reason, which was obvious lies, then I got the note Mercedes and Annette wanted to be left alone for a while, so I told them I was going to attend to some important stuff.

Which actually for once was not a lie, I had to attend to some important stuff with the Golden Deer students, I had to dispel those rumors between me and Marianne. So I did what I could to get their attention, I kicked open the door.

“I’ll let you all know that I Cynthia daughter of Sumia does not like Marianne at all!”

“Oh no, ponytails at it again.”

I mean, it was getting late so it made sense that the class was kinda empty already, there was Lysithea reading, like three books? What a nerd, then on a far off table there was Marianne reluctantly next to some other girl with Pink Girl, her name was Hilda.

“Hi there stranger! Next time try knocking and asking permission before blabbing, there’s nothing I hate more than a bully.” Said Hilda.

“Whatever, you should all already know my name anyways! So, like I’m not a stranger and can speak like I please, right Liz?”

“W-What- I’m sorry, are you trying to talk to me? Because that is not my name!” Lysithea replied.

“I know that’s not your name silly! But like we are friends so we get to call each other cute names, you call me ponytails and I call you Liz?”

“We are not friends’ ponytail's! And that was an insult, for your information!”

“Hey! No need to be soo rude Liz! Okay fine, I’ll call you cupcakes instead, you know since you like cake and stuff!”

Lysithea blushed like a tomato soup that someone decided to add ketchup on for some reason.

“I HATE CAKE OK!?”

“Wait you do!? Ohh! Maybe you can gift me that big cake you took with you the other day! I mean, you totally don’t want it right?”

“W-What!? I-I did that out of pity or something! A-Anyways, I gave you enough cake for a few days! How can you be that ungrateful!”

“Oh yeah… Well Cupcakes, I kinda sorta threw it away by accident after talking with Marianne over there.”

“Y-You threw away my cake!? Y-You underserving little brat!” Lysithea looked like she was about to cry, like when someone losses a pet. Well, I had no time to deal with children, so I turned back at Marianne.

“So! I get that you might have a crush on me Marianne but I don’t like you!”

“Marianne would never like someone like you, obviously, in fact, she was just looking after your horse, which by the way you’re way too lazy to properly take care of!” Said Hilda.

“More like she was going around cursing my horse with her witchcraft powers!” I continued.

Hilda was about to reply but she was stopped by Marianne speaking first.

“I-Its o-okay Hilda, she’s right… It was a mistake for me to take care of her horse…”

“Finally someone that agrees with me-“

“I-I’m sorry that I’m so selfish, but how has Bellfire been? Has he been getting enough rest, oh, when he’s feeling tired he really likes green apples…”

“Wait a minute… Who told you he likes green apples? Omygosh, you’re using your witch powers to read minds!”

“Marianne is not a witch!” Hilda continued.

“She is, and she is trying to read my mind to… U-Umm… What do you even hope to accomplish!? What makes you care so much about Bellfire anyway!?

“You two are so annoying, get a clue ponytais!, She really thinks animals are her only friends! And you Marianne, stop wasting people’s time and speak your mind for once!”

“Your manners are terrible Lysithea, learn to not speak that way about your superiors, same goes to you, Cynthia.” Hilda said.

“Are you calling me immature!?” Both I and Lysithea said at the same time, crazy stuff.

“Ha! You’re jinxed! Score! You cannot speak until I unjinx you or… Ghosts will crawl under your bed!”

Lysithea was so ready to speak, but she stopped right in her tracks, she closed her books and got up from her desk. “Whatever I’m not afraid of ghosts anymore!” Suddenly the classroom windows were shut down by the wind, Lysithea immediately ran out of the class faster than lies. Which made me turn my attention back to Marianne.

Those words Lysithea said about her something like “She only cares about animals cause she’s lonely” it reminded me of someone very important in my life, besides myself I mean, suddenly the idea of not being able to be friends with Marianne went from something I desired to something like… I did not desire as much as before… I think it made me sad? Hmm, more like it made me annoyed, like, Marianne had such a nerve trying to boss me around like that, it was not my fault she was like lonely, only losers are.

“You want to see Bellfire again?”

“N-No…”

“She does!” Hilda answered. Marianne quickly replied, turns out when it mattered, she was a pretty fast speaker. “No Hilda, I’m only going to curse him more.” Hilda then looked back at Marianne, a disappointed gaze on her face. Was Hilda like her big sister or something? Her girlfriend? Well, whatever I was not going to let that happen! Letting Marianne be a spoiled kid about Bellfire I mean.

“Hey that’s it Marianne! I SO had it with your lying! What!? You think you’re some big cheese deluxe for trying to deny your own feelings!? You’re coming to see Bellfire right now!” I said, well more like screamed.

Hilda was taken aback by my response, Marianne couldn’t utter a whole word, but you could see her fear and shock, mostly shock in her look, I took Marianne’s wrists and slowly dragged her out of the room. Hilda, of course, had some objections.

“H-Hey what do you think you’re doing with poor Marianne?”

“It’s not gonna take long silly, she’s going to see horses and get happy that’s what I’m gonna do!”

“You want me to… be happy?” Marianne continued, in a confused manner, like almost stuttering every word. Hilda sighed.

“We all do Marianne.”

“Yeah like, you’re just annoying me with that Iwannadie look on your face, besides helping poor people is what heroes do!”

“B-But I’m going to curse your horse!”

“You already did, so who cares if you do it again, well like I don’t think you can add multiple courses on someone? Like Noire only had one. My point is: You are going to make up for cursing Bellfire by taking care of him.

After my last comment Hilda looked annoyed, Marianne however was much less draggy and more willing to come along, uhh, willingly. We were stopped by, sigh, Leonie at the door.

“Woah! Just where are you two going!? “Leonie had a short gasp” Don’t worry Marianne I’m gonna save you!” Then she turned her words to me. “I knew you were an impostor Cynthia! Captain Jeralt! Come to look at me beat up a thief!”

“Yeah, like whatever cheater, I still have not forgiven you for being such a stupid jerk! Besides, what I am supposed to be stealing in the first place, your talent?”

“So you admit I have talent-“

“W-Wait! I meant your lack of talent!”

“Why waste your time in stealing something that doesn’t exist? You got a big brain in there!”

“Big enough to be aware of your s-a-r-c-a-s-m! Is that like… How you say it? A-Anyways, I’m not a thief cause I’m not stealing anything!”

“You’re trying to steal Marianne, you’re not only a thief but a low one at that, going after those who can’t defend themselves!”

“Leonie- I’m-She’s letting me see Bellfire again…”

“Oh? Well then, I guess you’re not a thief, but that doesn’t change my mind you’re a waste of talent being trained for the knights of Seiros, especially after what happened at the mock battle. “

“At least I’m not a cheater, hey maybe that’s why I’m a knight and you’re not! Real heroes don’t use tricks! Hey, how about you try beating me without using any dirty tricks?

“Fine, that will be easy! Everyone can be a better knight than you!”

“Whatever, just be ready, any time, any day, I will challenge you out of nowhere! And then… Win! Probably.”

Leonie shook her head and entered the Goldens Deer class with a sarcastic smile on her face.

Maybe the whole conversation killed mood, or who knows, maybe something else was on my mind, Marianne and I said no words to each other on our way to the stalls, I had bought some green apples for Dorte the day before, which I let Marianne feed to Bellfire, I just sat in a chair looking at the two of them interact. At first Marianne was really reluctant to follow up, but as soon as Bellfire saw her, you could see his mood went up, and apparently, she couldn’t resist that, so she went straight ahead.

Marianne continued to be stiff and awkward at first but with time both of them seemed relaxed like even I got relaxed after seeing that, Marianne went and took, without asking permission, for my horse brush? Is that how you call it? Well whatevs I always called it like that.

The fact of the matter was, that was the same brush mother used for Bellfire, normally I would’ve gotten really disgusted by that, but I don’t know, Bellfire seemed to really be enjoying himself, and the whole sight of that girl sharing a… Emotional moment?

Whatever that was, with my family pegasus… It made me feel cozy Lucy, like for a moment I was back home collecting flowers in the field not a worry in the world. It made me feel weird things that’s for sure, but it was a feeling I liked having.

Actually, I did speak with her if just a little bit, after a while, another horse, I think his name was Dorte? Well, that one came to greet her, I asked if she was also friends with that horse, my words took her by surprise, maybe like bringing both of us back to reality, she tried to say something but relucted herself to just nodding.

So, Dorte came and made one of those things’ horses make when they’re happy, uh, you know the what Lucy. And then Dorte sad next to Bellfire, who also seemed happy, well happier than Marianne at least, who started caring for both of them with her hands, you could tell she was feeling better even thou fear had not left her body, I thought about joining them, but I just felt so ashamed of sitting next to that girl like she was my friend. I wonder why?

When the horses finally fell asleep, she got up, not even trying to clean her dress, and started walking outside, maybe she forgot, but a few steps in she stopped like a wooden statue, and awkwardly turned back to me.

“Uhm… Good night Cynthia…” She was just about to keep walking but with great effort, she managed to say one last thing. “Thank you for letting me see Bellfire… I-It made me feel better…” Then she disappeared in the midst of the night. Spooky I know.

So as days went by the class mission was getting closer, apparently, we had to rout so meanies, the same losers that lost to Byleth, I mean, the ones who tried to murder the three royals, I wonder who would pay to do that? Like, I mean, killing royals basically means like… A super gruesome death sentence, what kind of pay can make up for that? Maybe, probably the crime was like political, wait, omg I’m actually using stuff I learned in class… Well, whatever, I never had to worry about politics in Ylisse, it’s kinda interesting seeing all the nobles in here having the luxury to worry about petty stuff like economics and stupidity like “nuance” when their world isn’t being destroyed by some dark lord.

Back to the class mission, when it was announced many of my classmates were met with immediate worry, even some of the boys, which was super lame, then again some of these guys seem soooo sheltered like both Ashe and Sylvain looked hesitant about the whole ordeal, which made me put Sylvain a few points lower on my cute scale, however, Felix and Ingrid seemed eager to prove themselves, which like, I approve. Mercedes and Annette asked me what it felt to kill another human, but like I wouldn’t know, I only end the lives of bad guys. And to that answer Mercedes seemed like annoyed, but mostly afraid.

Well, she’s my friend so I don’t blame her, not having to kill for your survival is a royal luxury, and since she comes from these whole crest system or whatever it’s expected she’s like sheltered, the first time I had to fight I was also very, very, like I had to make like fifty flower fortunes until I got good a promising future. Do you remember Lucy? We had to defend a village from risen, it also was pretty fun having Kjelle and Gerome with us, too bad Severa was still hang up on her mommy issues, looser, well maybe I shouldn’t speak, after killing the first risen I was so scared, I started crying and everything, good thing no cute boys saw me. But after everything was done, I’ve heard the applauses, the cheers and hype of the poor villages, I was making mommy proud, that made me soooo happy, especially that dinner they made us after everything was cleaned up, like SO worth it.

But I reassured Mercedes everything was going to be okay, we made some flower fortunes together, and like the goddess would protect her anyways. Well not like I believe in that all that much, I mean like why didn’t Sothis or whatever stop Grima? At least Naga had an excuse.

One thing was for sure, as the end of the month came everyone started tryharding a lot more, the training grounds were usually like fuller, which was a good thing because it made me feel safer around Jeritza, what a creep.

“So! Today we are so gonna practice my solo triangle attack?” Jeritza gave me back a cold look. “C-Comon! Ugh why do you have to be sooo boring!? I need it to beat the Death Knight in style ok!?”

But nope, he was always teaching me how to dodge and sustain attacks and other garbage like that, I guess he really liked beating me up. Well, maybe, but like big emphasis on maybe, those tricks helped me a lot in the class mission, to be fair, you don’t need to dodge when all your enemies are risen and dark mages, Bellfire was always good at sustaining damage. Besides all of that, I guess my training with Jeritza was okay, I never feared to be murdered alive since that thing Mercedes said to her future husband Jeritza, he really tried to restrain himself in front of her. Like geez! When are you gonna finally date?!

The sad answer to that question is probably way sooner than Catherine and Rhea.

Oh, and Leonie had no issue intruding in my training, well I guess the training grounds were a “public facility” and not a private one, a concept which was kinda hard for to get, guess I’m not that smart, but I mean, since I’m a royal everywhere I go should be private, right?

Well, we had these dumb competitions about which one of us would train for the most amount of time, currently the record is like 10 to 0 in favor of Leonie, but I’m getting close Lucy, last time she only lasted 2 hours longer, woah that sounded kinda perverted, and you know what else? I should’ve trained harder, my stupidity stroke again.

And guess what? I guess the two of us training for hours on end when everyone else was doing something else, well I don’t know about her, but I felt lonely, never mind, scrap that, I felt pity for her, that way I can feel better about myself! So, I eventually tried to make conversation Leonie.

“So like… Why do you like Jeralt sooo much? You know he’s like eighty, right?”

“That’s none of your business princes, now shut your mouth, you’re distracting my training.”

“I mean, I just don’t get it! Catherine is sooo much betterer!”

“No she’s not! I’ve lost count of how many villages Jeralt has saved, much, much more than Catherine, and his fighting technique is rivaled by no other!”

“Okay silly, it’s fine to be wrong! Catherine is a real hero; I mean way more than Jeralt at least! Besides she’s cooler, like SO much more awesome, have you seen how epic everything looks when she has her crest on?”

“Cut that crest crap, tsk, noble people never change-“

“For your information, I’m not a mere noble, I’m royalty, that’s totally different, I’m almost sure of that, like…Yeah.”

“Catherine wouldn’t even be a knight of it wasn’t for her crest!”

“And Jeralt wouldn’t be a captain if it wasn’t for Byleth!”

“Hey how dare you compare Captain Jeralt to Byleth! Jeralt is seas beyond Byleth, her being his daughter is a big joke!”

“Or maybe is in the blood!”

“Oh wow, I can’t imagine how your mother was like then.”

“H-Hey! All right fine, buster! Maybe blood is not that important in terms of skill! But the fact that Jeralt could raise someone like Byleth, not a good look.”

“It’s probably not his fault Byleth is like that… She is an ungrateful daughter after all.”

“Yeah, she totally looks like that, unlike me.”

“Right!? There’s nothing that pisses me off so much as seeing someone with no experience put in such a position.”

“Ugh, yeah, Byleth is sooo overrated.”

“Ha! You’re right about something…” Leonie took a moment to recollect her thoughts.” And neither of us are able to beat her, yet.”

I took a moment to think. “Mayhaps, we could work together to show her how totally underserving she is.”

“You training next to me is enough, it fuels me with enough anger to improve myself even more.”

“Woah are you smiling… Back to me?” Immediately her smile disappeared.

“Well, let’s stop wasting time and keep training, I’m going to make Jeralt proud by besting you and Byleth every time.”

“Nu-uh! I’m the one who’s gonna make Catherine SO much more prouderer!”

Leonie took a moment to think things through.

“Hey Cynthia, I’m sorry for those things I said about your mother that time we had that stupid fight… I really didn’t know what happened to her. “

Honestly I was taken back by her words, I did not expect her to ever apologize for that, guess she’s not as much as a jerk as I thought, and she also hates Byleth so that makes everything better in my world.

“A-Ah… I already got over it… Your dumb insults I mean, not my mother’s…” I took a deep breath of hero courage. “I’m also sorry, like it was my fault the fight happened in the first place, I can be quite unrestrained sometimes with the things I do and say, I kinda still am pretty stupid.”

“Well that’s another thing we have in common.”

I couldn’t come up with an answer to that, so the air grew like awkward… But I think we both understood the best way we could come to understand each other was by, well training harder, I gotta admit having a training partner made everything just a little bit easier, especially when Jeritza around, we didn’t talk a lot about stuff that wasn’t fighting, at least for now. I guess the Golden Deer girls were really fun to be around. Well I wouldn’t call being around Marianne “fun”, but you know what I mean Lucy.

And those few days before our class mission, well you know Lucy, anything that has mission, it always makes everything SO uninteresting to me, so I kinda came up with a better name, “The Epic Hero Excursion”, in hindsight that was a terrible idea, it seems like every time I try to make things better I am defeated, more now than ever, was I always like this? Well, I never let anyone of my friends ever get hurt, Now… Maybe I had more hope before, I’m defeated Lucy, no matter how hard I try I always lose.

Fun fact, well kinda, I’m trying really hard to think of anything fun, I’m writing this on the back of the food carriage of our class mission convoy, on our way back I mean, first because it means I get to eat more and secondly, well I just can’t even think about seeing anyone at the time, besides I really don’t think Shamir wants to see me right now.

I might be a coward but, well yeah, I’m a shameful coward, maybe if I hit my head hard enough against the wall, I will become a hero, don’t worry about me Lucy, maybe I’m not even worth it and besides… I’m obviously joking, and I never lie.

I just think I’m not the hero I thought I was, I’m not who I thought I was, now I feel like I am nothing, I am not even strong enough to face my own sins, I don’t think there is life for me outside heroism, what I am supposed to do?

Why would Naga do this to me? I didn’t deserve this, I deserved to go out with you all in Ylisse, save the world, make mommy proud, and be a hero, be a hero. Now I’m stuck in this stupid universe, I feel so angry Lucy, I’m even starting to get jealous of you Lucy.

Like I don’t even think you miss me that much, there I said it. Why would you care about a slouch jerk like myself? Severa was right, I’m such a nerd, whatever that means. You are an actual hero Lucy, so you have no time to look down to people like, there is a reason you were the only one who could use the Falchion, I’m just never good enough.

Why would anyone think of those lesser than oneself? Maybe that’s what heroes are for, but Fodland doesn’t believe in heroes.

Each day I understand Catherine more, I think I kinda get now why she hates being called heroic, maybe there is just no will for heroics or whatever nowadays, nowadays everyone is so stupid. The only thing you can do is believe in someone greater than you and throw your hands in the air, I hate this life. But at least Rhea is someone who is still alive.

The day before we went out to the red canyon Catherine actually came to see me in my dorm, Shamir was right, she looked half-dead, like jeez those fat eye bags put those of Noire to shame, redundant is like redundant but she looked so tired you know.

It really warmed her seeing her still take the time to come and see me after all this time. Did I say warmed? Now that I think about it, it scared me, I couldn’t stop thinking, “This is SO my fault.” Catherine was doing all of this for what, for Rhea, is Rhea ever going to even like care?

“So… Cynthia, rumor has it you’re going to rout some thieves? Any truth to that?”

“C-Catherine? OMG, are you okay? I-Is there anything I can do?”

“Ha” Catherine actually rubbed her eyes. “Ok, I’ll cut the chase, is it true Shamir is going with you? Now, don’t answer I know it’s true, but there’s something I’m trying to figure out.”

“Does that like make you happy? It means you get to report to Rhea for these few days right!?”

Catherine did not answer my question.

“Why is she doing this? Did you… Crap, you told her to help.”

I shook my head.

“T-That’s not it! S-She made that decision herself!”

“Listen, I don’t care whatever excuse you’re going to bring up, Shamir needs to get away from us.”

“Us?”

“She doesn’t need to trouble herself with people like” She rolled her head back.” People like us.”

Suddenly the idea of self-hate seemed like… Really appealing.

“Catherine! Stop like being so stubborn! She totally likes you!”

“Woah there, the library should hire you with those detective skills!”

“Maybe duh, b-but that’s not the point! Do you get how frustrating this is for her!? I-I don’t get it! You! You understand how it feels to be rejected again and again, and again! And yet you keep pulling this nonsense on her! Ugh!”

“Good thing today I feel generous to put up with your bratty crap. Now shut your-“

“Nu uh! You are no longer my superior remember!? Oh, you know what else!? Rhea is never going to like you back; she’s never going to repay your love for her! Because you’re just not good enough!”

Catherine rolled her eyes; she was beginning to tear up.

“Oh, yeah, of course, because I didn’t know that by now!”

“And yet… You… You jerk!” I… I slapped Catherine real hard in the face Lucy, she did not even try to avoid, and I know she could, I understand why she didn’t. “Shamir loves you! You’ve got this bright future ahead of you but you rather stick to the past! And! And…! You were SOO RIGTH! Stop being like me, Catherine! It’s really frigging STUPID!”

That’s when I realized what I just did.

Catherine walked out of the room, alternating between shaking her head and nodding along her decrepit walk cycle, it was like she had no shadow, her face was getting red as soft tears burned her.

“Take care out there, it would be lots of work it something bad were to happen to you.” She mumbled something then continued. “Oh, and make your mama proud” She winked back at me before living.

The next day we all woke up early, and of course, were expected to be ready, it was going to be around a two-day trip to Zanado, in the Oghma Mountains, there is probably some totally interesting backstory to that place, but honestly, I kinda don’t care. It’s not like you care either. I mean, even I know I’m only writing to myself.

We got into a small convoy of like four carriages, two for the class and the other two for supplies, a few guards were also accompanying us, but they were nothing worth writing about, Bellfire was following the convoy, I mean I could’ve try and ride him… But being on top of him like for 8 hours a day would’ve been really tiring for both of us. All the boys got into one carriage and the girls into other, so yeah that meant I was stuck in the same place with Byleth and Shamir, what joy!

So everything was kinda awkward at first, usually, Annette and Mercedes were there to cheer things up, but both looked worried, specially Mercedes, like I said before, not killing is a royal luxury. Shamir was looking out of the window and into the road, almost falling asleep. Weird thing was that it took a couple of hours for anyone to say a word, we did get up pretty early but still, the atmosphere was really sad. Anette was resting her head on Mercedes's shoulder, which was so cute. My mind was still wandering thinking about what happened yesterday.

Bellfire caught up to our carriage and showed his face through the window, waking up Shamir, I smiled back at him and gave him one green apple, the whole ordeal seemed to cheer everyone up a bit, except for Shamir who remember, can’t smile.

“Bellfire is such a wonderful pegasus Cynthia, soon enough I’ll pass my Pegasus knight test and get one myself.” Said Ingrid.

“Oh Ingrid! What are you going to name him!?” Said Annette.

“Well… I’m not sure yet, I rather not think on things I have not achieved, but in any case…” Ingrid giggled, she couldn’t hide her excitement. “I guess I’m open to suggestions.”

“How did you come up with that name Cynthia? Oh, wait… That was your mother, right?” Said Byleth, I nodded quietly.

“I don’t know, he looks like a “Champ” to me.” Said Annette, giggling, gods that joke was awful.

“I would never ever, change the name my mother gave to him.”

“I wish I could’ve met your mother Cynthia.” Ingrid leaned toward me. I looked back at her being surprised. “I admire how much she inspired you to be a great fighter!”

Immediately I shook my head in disagreement. “I’m not even a good pegasus rider, like how can I be great?”

“Are you kidding? The way you fought in the mock battle! You almost took two people by yourself, all of that while being ambushed, you have to be something special to do that!”

“Cynthia, I know you don’t like me.” Said Byleth, I looked back at her intrigued by what she had to say.” But was is it that motivates you?”

“What is it that… Motivates me…?” I replied.

“Y-Yeah, not only you, but seeing all of you try so hard… Why? I’m sorry if I’m not making any sense… Is just…” Byleth continued.

“What is it, teacher?” Asked Mercedes.

“It’s just, I was always got really good at doing anything very easily… So after a while, things got incredibly boring.” Then she sighed. “Honestly I don’t even know why you like me so much.”

“Oh I can answer that teacher! You always pay attention to what we have to say, and listen” Ingrid stopped to think “Hmm…”

“I know… It’s almost like I’m not doing anything besides… Besides, listen…” Said Byleth.

“Sometimes that’s enough teacher!” Mercedes answered.

“I just want to know… What’s like to have… Feelings?” Said Byleth.

Mercedes looked confused.

What is it like to have feelings?

“Well like, since you’re being nice about it for like once in forever, I’ll tell you what motivates me teacher.” Byleth looked back at me her eyes almost widening, more than they always were I mean, if they widened a bit more they plop out most likely. “I want to become the best hero there ever was and… And make a special someone proud for once.”

Shamir sighed. “You kids understand you might die in this mission, right? It’s probably a good time to get things off your chest.”

“I guess, I want to be good enough for my father to notice me…” Said Annette, Mercedes put her hand on her shoulder.

“It might be a little bit selfish… What I really want is to become of service to the church…But you already knew that” Said Mercedes, almost giggling.

“One day I will become a knight.” Said Ingrid.

“Why?” I asked a bit coldly towards Ingrid, I was really behaving poorly at the time. Like why did that question even bother me, she was just, well I suspected she was trying to copy my personality, I guess.

Ingrid turned to me looking really serious.

“There is nothing nobler than dying following your heart.” She clearly was holding something back. “That’s what Glenn thought me.”

“I understand b-but why?” Byleth questioned, there was no answer. “Did I say something wrong? Should I feel sad?” Again, nobody dared to make a follow-up, I guess we were all miserable enough already, well apparently not Ingrid, because she asked the same thing to Shamir, what motivates her I mean.

“What motivates me? The pay that I get.”

“Don’t you get bored of that?” Byleth continued.

“You’re lying Shamir.” I replied. Everybody looked back at me, like I did something wrong, which I kinda did.

“Now that you mentioned it, I’m very grateful you came here with us to help Shamir… But why…?” Again, Byleth with her cheek poking.

“Maybe I’m lying. What do you guys care?”

“Should I be getting angry…?”

So like that was the end of the conversation, as you can see Lucy not exactly a warm experience, curious how you can like assign temperature to memory. I would describe all of this… Yep, definitely cold. Not as cold as the fringes of Zanado thou.

We camped near a small forest with enough place to hide if something went wrong, a small debate about how safe it was to build a campfire ensued but like it was over quickly, also Felix and Ingrid had some sort of contest to see which one of the two could hunt more animals, I think Felix won but Sylvain praised Ingrid, which was important. At the end we ended up eating their catch, even thou we had plenty of food in the barracks, oh well, more food for the way back.

Unlike whatever that was that happened in the carriage the girls were in, the boys seemed much more talkative, except for Dedue, but like who cares, I don’t think he has a soul of his own.

Ashe especially seemed to bring everyone in into his conversation topics, besides Shamir I mean, he told us some Fodland tales about knighthood, which seemed to excite Ingrid and annoy Felix, and they were nice I guess… Mother always seemed to enjoy those anyway, nowadays it was harder for me to enjoy them because… Well because the more and more I thought about it, the more it seemed I was never going to be as good as a knight like those in the epics. How will people remember me?

Speaking about remembrance, it was Dimitri who told me to tell a story, not sure how the topic came up, I was busy thinking more important stuff in the first place, maybe each one was telling a tale of their own? Well, mom used to read me lots of novels, to which I didn’t pay any attention, but I still got the important bits, like of course.

“W-Well like…” Suddenly I realized how nervous I was, in truth, I was the only stranger in the whole group, ok there was Byleth, but it surely felt that way. Especially when a cute boy was asking me something, extra especially when he was like the future emperor of the world or something. “T-There is this super duper awesome epic novel my mother used to read when I was a little pumpkin, Mad Tales of a Bloodthirsty Falcon Knight…” Aaaand, no response, except for one.

“Oh? Actually, sounds very interesting.” Said Byleth.

“Please, do proceed…” Said Dimitri scratching his chin, Dedue looked back at him, almost concerned.

“Be careful Cynthia, you are going to release his boar instincts.”

“I see you’re still in salty a girl beat you at hunting Felix.” Said Sylvain. Felix just tsked back at him, Ingrid looked away in anger. Suddenly all eyes were on me, once again.

“W-Well so like, m-mother used to read this at night… And s-so, uhm, it was about this Falcon Knight, and like, I think when she was like small, her whole family was murdered by the Valm army.” I paused a minute to think about that, I was feeling really agitated. “So I guess… She decided the only way she could bring sense back to her life was to destroy the whole of Valm, and herself… In order to bring justice into the world…I-I don’t think she could’ve been happy any other way.” I remember, well of what I can remember, forgetting about everything else at the moment, everything except, the sound of wood slowly burning like a dying memory, death was ever more present on my mind.

“And what happens next?” Dimitri asked.

“Well, like it’s in the title… She goes mad and starts thirsting for blood or something, and kills every villain she sees and it’s like super awesome and everything.”

“Perhaps… Oh, nevermind.” Said Dimitri, looking worried.

“I told you to be careful idiot, his boar instincts are heating up” Said Felix referring to me. “A good dog keeps his master under control Dedue.”

“Refrain from speaking to Dedue like that Felix!” Said Dimitri.

“Or what are you going to do boar? You’re not my king just yet.” Said Felix.

“You two always do the same.” Ingrid sighed. “Well Cynthia, I think your protagonist was not very knight-like.”

“Still, she saved the world… In the novel I mean, real life was like, really different I think.”

“Real life” Said Felix, I caught his point.

“Honestly…” I took a deep breath. “I gotta be honest… I don’t think you guys believe my origin story.”

“The one about how you traveled through a magic portal back in time and for some very specific reason ended up in Fodland? I wonder why.” Shamir continued; Felix agreed with her.

“Hey beautiful, I sure believe you, never seen anyone so sincere in my life, you can tell me more anytime, any day.” Said Sylvain.

“Don’t believe him Cynthia, he’s only tricking you.” Said Ingrid.

“Do you believe me Ingrid?” I answered, looking back at her.

“W-Well… You do have that unknown crest, there must be something to that right?”

“Tsk, what a bunch on nonsense, at most your crest comes from a distant bloodline or whatever, like the legends surrounding the crest of Noa.” Said Felix.

“Oh? I did not know you like reading legends so much Felix! Maybe that’s why you like being around Annette so much!” Ingrid teased.

“I have been lending Felix some books about knights, he really reminds me of the-“ Ashe was cut short.

“Shut up.” Felix answered, followed by a sudden “Fine! I’m sorry.” By Felix.

“Well Cynthia I certainly believe you. “ Said Mercedes, trying to steer back the conversation on topic. Annette agreed with her, who was still blushing a little bit.

“I also believe you Cynthia” Byleth continued. “Who are you calling naïve? Let me remind you who is the older one of the two! Wait, were you born with me?” She, uh, answered? Was she crazy, like who was she talking to? Well at this point my best guess is imaginary friends.

“I’m sorry Cynthia, I-Your story sounds so extravagant it is hard to fathom…” Dimitri directed his gaze at mine. “But then your heart speaks with such conviction, it is hard to think of my friends as liars.”

“Get real boar, we both know Sylvain after all.” Said Felix.

“Hey, it’s a good day when you admit our friendship is real Felix.” Sylvain continued, Dimitri laughed, a burst of laughter which slowly died out. “What a weird day it is when I find time for laughter…” He moved closer to the campfire, and starred directly at it, in order to warm his body and his eyes, I guess. “Cynthia, I take it you wish to avenge your mother, is it not true?”

“I-I… Well I mean if you put it like that, it sounds kinda evil.” I answered.

“I-I’m sorry… I really am, it was a mistake to suggest someone as yourself could harvest such monstrous feelings-“

I interrupted Dimitri

“Wait, that’s not like monstrous, I mean, like… I guess I don’t know…”

Dimitri was about to say something else; he opened his mouth but nothing came out of it, he settled for something else. “You are indeed a very noble person Cynthia.” Thanks Naga the night was dark, because like omg I must have been blushing so hard at that time, was the prince of Faerghus himself interested in me! At that time my mind was like already thinking about our wedding ceremony with free chocolate cake or something. All of that would quickly turn irrelevant the next day.

But it was nice making new friends, but I am so reluctant, I feel like a traitor to those who have been around me their whole lives.

Slowly everyone started going to their tents, Annette and Mercedes were the first to go, they gave a warm good night. Ashe and Ingrid were next, followed by Sylvain, at that point, Felix said something about hating the idea of being awake next to the boar, so he also went to dream. I really wasn’t tired, which is just a sign of my insomnia striking again, but neither seemed Dimitri or Byleth, Shamir was staying around for some reason, Dedue looked incredibly tired himself, but he refused to sleep until Dimitri went first, so the prince ordered him to rest, an offer he had to accept.

I shared some Ylissle lore with Byleth and Dimitri, Shamir listening quietly I suppose, I told them about my Aunt Emmeryn, about the war with Grangel and Validar, Walhart’s conquest, I dared not to say much about Naga, since I’m starting to think it’s blasphemous against the goddess or something.

Suddenly there was a big yawn from Byleth, Dimitri begged her to go to sleep, her answer was that she couldn’t until all the students were to bed, plus she forgot to select people for the night watch, Shamir volunteered, Dimitri tried to but he was turned down by our teacher, I guess she was right in saying he especially should be well rested for tomorrows mission, and he had no other say in the matter.

So, I guess it was between me and Shamir for the night. Both Byleth and Dimitri went to sleep.

I got a clear view of Shamir, she seemed really tired, I mean not physically or anything but like, like tired of boredom? Yeah, that makes sense. And so, everything fell into silence, as Shamir and I patrolled the area, but really there was nothing of interest, I tried hiding my fear of bugs from her. After a while I figured there was no way we could get even more bored, so I tried to break the ice, I mean it was really cold after all.

“So uh, what a nice night!”

There was no answer, minutes passed with only the lonely whisper of the wind brushing the forest leaves, woah, that was an awfully long description just to say the night was cold. Whatever, I tried again.

“Have you been reading anything nice lately? I am SO into romance novels, especially if they many drawings in it.”

Nothing, geez, I figured she was still angry at me, so maybe it would be latter not to push it anymore, at least she got the note I was trying to be friendly with her, but honestly who knows what she was thinking at the time. It’s SO fat when people expect you to understand their ideas if they don’t, like, make a speech about it?

Suddenly, scary stuff. Shamir kneeled down in the roots of a three, she signaled me to come closer, I knew this was going to be really, really bad.

“See that? It’s a spider hole. Know, we must find its host and finish him.”

  
“E-Eh, but what IF he is a good spider with a family and all, and like, then it would be wrong to murder a poor spider.”

“He’s to risky to be left alive, what if he sneaks up and bites one of the other Blue Lions? I guess we’ll blame you for that.”

“U-Um… But like, can’t you help me?”

“Just admit you’re afraid of bugs.”

And so I nodded in defeat, a fact that was becoming quite common in my life for reasons.

“I used to be. You know what I did?” I observed how carefully Shamir stuck a wooden stick inside the hole, she slowly pulled it out, and there was this HUGE HAIRY SPIDER attached to it, Shamir threw it into the campfire like it was a piece of cake. Honestly, that was pretty cool. “I drew spiders, then I would use those drawings as target practice. In the end I think those fears were only in my imagination.”

“Big thanks for helping with like, the spooky spider…”

“There is something I want to ask you.” As I swallowed my confusion Shamir walked closer to me; her arms crossed.” You said your motivation was to make someone proud, now, big deal, you called me a liar on our way here, it’s only fair I do the same thing.”

“W-Well it’s not a lie if others believe it's true duh!”

“So why do you want to make your mother proud, your dead mother.”

“It’s my duty to her.”

“Really? Are you responsible for what happened to her? From what I’ve heard, even if you were a soldier by that time, chances are both of you would have died anyways.”

  
“You’re right Shamir, there are little things I desire more than to have died at her side that day.” Shamir acknowledged my words with a look of disbelief in her face.

“Truth is, you have to learn your mother is never coming back. If not, bring her back then, bring her back or your pity is for nothing.”

“I will bring her back! I will make sure everyone remembers her by my deeds!”

“But those deeds are yours only, don’t you get it? You’re being a slave, to whatever is it you call it, her memory?”

“Except that’s exactly what she deserves.”

“You think your mother would want you to be like this? Pretending to be something you’re clearly not?”

“I am a real hero!”

“You’re nothing more than a girl who can’t live without attention, and one day, that is gonna cost those around you.”

“O-Oh! Woah, someone is feeling like really mean today huh!? W-Well guess what… You’re fat!”

“You’re lonely.”

Okay that was a better insult not gonna lie.

“So that’s what this is about you- YOU big buster! Am I the lonely one!? Well, you know what you stupid jerk? I am lonely, I am SO lonely, and I’ll live up to my forever alone life, yeah like that is my curse! Now I-I get it… “ Am I the lonely one? Am I? “No matter how much I try, a hero can’t help but only think of himself, real company is… “

“H-Hey! What the hell…” Shamir walked away from me, almost scarred, don’t blame her, I was terrified, of… Well like of everything in between me and myself at the moment, can you imagine finding something spookier than the night?

“I don’t…” Shamir sat down next to the dying flame of what once was a campfire, the light made her face look like images of war. “Good thing you figured out only you can find a solution to your teenage drama, now listen-“

“Nah, I don’t w-a-n-n-a.”

“You don’t want what?”

“Listen to you, or fix anything, or anything really-“

“Shut up and listen! I don’t care if you throw your life down the sinkhole by being an idiot, but your stupidity is really hurting others! So leave Catherine alone or learn to give her what she deserves!”

“And what is that?”

“Love.”

At that point, the wind blew up the last whisper of the warmth in the fire wood, the sparks of the campfire being carried away seemed like fireflies being taken to a better place. We both starred at it like something magical was truly happening, but uh, well I think Shamir said it way better than I could ever.

“Let’s go to sleep.”

“No, it's our duty to alert in case anyone comes.”

“No one comes for lonely people Cynthia”.

And so, we went to sleep.

The next day it did not take us long to arrive to Zanado, a faint mist covered the area in slight fear as sunlight penetrated the arena, but it’s not like anyone could dwell in those feelings for too long anyhow, it was sooo cold, as we got ready and started checking the perimeter you could hear the sound of rubble bouncing into nothingness as we got closer and closer to the ruins, I kinda think the sight of the ravage left most of the class in awe, well at least it did make me feel that way.

Fallen statues, broken structures being coldly touched by rays of shine could only bring back forgotten images of the remains of Ylisstol. I wondered what was the history of this place, I mean, a long time ago this was somewhere, probably, once upon a time there were kids running happily in the streets of Ylisstol, and now its nothing. Then again, I also wonder if we even saw this topic in class. Even Bellfire felt distraught at the sighting, but what caught most my attention was Byleth, like she was talking alone, again.

Finally, the carriages stopped with a crunch in the ground, Byleth gave the order for everyone to get ready, we went and took our weapons of course. The mist was beginning to fade away, but like their watery smell still remained which was like yuck, and it wasn’t still enough to get a clear view of what was ahead, but you could tell why this place was called a canyon, because, uh, it actually was a canyon. You could visibly see where safety ended and the infinite abyss towards death began to appear, but I’m not scared of heights or anything.

The ruins we were trying to reach to were Kostas and his bandits were supposed to be hiding in laid after an upwards, almost rotten bridge that connected one part of the canyon with another, not much could be seeing of the other side from where we were safe a few broken columns and some dying trees, as I took my weapon out I grabbed Bellfire’s hair for some idea of comfort.

“Please save us from your stupidity Cynthia! Just what is that thing supposed to be?” Said Felix.

“I know, like pretty impressive, right? I called it the extra extra large lance-rod. I thought about it on our way here, you know, because safety first, so I just tapped together a bunch of wooden sticks to make my weapon way longer! Now I can strike enemies from like 10 feet away!”

“Next time try using glue instead of tape!” Felix advised.

“Noted!”

“C-Cynthia.” Byleth looked really worried, again. “See that rock over there? Try attacking it with your… Your extra large lance-rod thingy.”

And so I did, turns out good idea are good until they are not, the whole thing came apart after exerting just a bit of force into a rock. Guess I would need to use my regular lance from now on, which now laid a few feet in front of me, I slowly approached it, then that was it. A sudden break in the whistle of the wind came.

“Cynthia look out!” Byleth rushed towards me and dropped both of us to the ground and in doing so we avoided an incoming arrow. I looked back at the rest of the students taken aback by what just happened, immediately Shamir fired a shot in the direction of the sound, her efforts were followed by Ashe who threw another shot, this time, a sound of pain came from the other side, followed by a couple of arrows raining down, I looked back at Byleth who was already in the move, she blocked an arrow that would have hit Ashe, Shamir looked really impressed and so did most of the class.

“Everyone take cover!” Byleth continued. However, most of them were already hiding behind rocks or bushes, not exactly the safest thing to do, but that’s when I noticed Bellfire was left alone in the middle of the small field, not thinking about it twice I ran towards him dodging, or maybe like being lucky, some arrows. Immediately Byleth signaled me. “Cynthia they are hiding behind the threes next to the bridge!” Well now that I think about it, how did she know all of that? Weird, well, in the midst of everything that was going on I had no time to doubt Byleth right now, so I hopped on Bellfire and flew up and around the bridge in a wide circle, up there was barely any mist, so spotting the bandits was easy enough for someone smart like myself. And surely enough they were hiding just were Byleth said they would be.

One of the bandits took notice of me and Bellfire up in the sky, he began to clumsily point his bow at me, I immediately signaled Bellfire to dive into his direction, the speed of the wind began to clean up the sweat on my face as I pointed my lance at him, with a pull of the bridle Bellfire tilted a bit to the side in an attempt to doge his attack, there was no use for that as I felt a great amount of force in my lance penetrating something. Now there only was another bandit next to him, he was much quicker with his bow, he managed to get a shot at me, but Bellfire was experienced enough to doge that, I charged against him.

Now with both of the bad guys motionless on the ground I began to think in something more than the charging sound of my heartbeat, I just defeated two villains without even giving them one my heroic catchphrases, also I didn’t do any epic poses, or anything heroic really.

What was going on with me? The idea got caught up short as the sounds of bushes moving got my immediate attention, two more bandits came towards me and Bellfire, and they were already way too close for comfort, I commanded Bellfire to go up, but thankfully there was no need for, an arrow hit one of them in the face and the other was bleeding from cuts of wind magic. Shamir had already moved beyond me, I looked back at Anette who was heavily breathing, uh, yeah you get the idea. I think both of us were really surprised to what just happened.

Now with the surrounding area safe, all my other classmates had already come up the bridge.

“Cynthia, Anette are you all right!?” Said Dimitri, heh, like I didn’t know he cared so much about me! Well, who cares now.

Mercedes hugged Annette immediately.

“Professor, sending Anette, and Cynthia for that matter, up there alone was a risky move.” Dimitri continued.

“I-Its okay! I knew it would work!” Then Byleth turned her head to the side, like if someone was speaking behind her, but really she was just speaking towards the air “What? What do you mean you’re too tired? Ok, I’ll be more careful.” Well, everyone thought that was weird, but again, no time for chit chat.

Shamir had already looked around the surrounding area, she signaled Byleth there were some bandits hiding in a small stronghold in the middle of this side of the canyon’s crag. Probably what once used to be a family home was now being run by thieves. Anyways, this time we were prepared, taking that stronghold was easy peasy.

Felix suggested we just all rushed in and cut them, Dedue immediately objected to that, fearing for the life of Dimitri, idea to which Felix scoffed, Ingrid, on the other hand, thought it was a good idea, to her own annoyance, and so we all started strategizing another idea, well mostly Byleth and Shamir really, but emotional support is totally important!

We settled that the best course of action was to drive them out of the broken house they were in, to accomplish this Dedue and Felix would escort Annette close enough to were she could cast a fire spell inside the house, the rest of us would be waiting for them outside their hiding place, and Shamir and Ashe would behind ready to snipe anyone that posed some danger. Ashe seemed fairly happy he could get to fight next to Shamir, Shamir seemed like she really didn’t care, but to be fair it's obvious her mind was in another place.

You know who else was secretly happy? Annette, like she got to be escorted by the boy she liked of course if only Jeritza could do that for Mercedes, or Catherine for Shamir, or Rhea for Catherine… Love is kinda stupid.

And in that everything went according to plan, yeah as the three of them got closer to the ruins they were met with some arrows but Dedue blocked them easily, which was a shame cause it meant we didn’t get to see Felix saving Annette. Annette cast the spell and the thieves went out running trying to extinguish their fire, Dimitri and Ingrid were waiting for them at the exit points, so they didn’t last long, both of them were really clean in their moves too, especially Dimitri, like geez he was good like he almost was enjoying this.

“GET SERVED THE FIREY FIRE OF JUSTICE VILLAINS!”

“Cynthia, they are already dead…” Said Dimitri, in a cold tone.

In front of us there laid a bridge which led to the main temple of the complex, or what once was a complex I mean, the bridge was being guarded by some more bandits, as soon as we noticed them, Shamir had already taken one of them out, Ashe raised his bow to do the same, it looked very easy, like almost unfair.

“That could’ve been me…” Ashe realized.

Sylvain gave him a pad in the back. “Hey, you had to do it, no use in hating that.” Then he looked back at Shamir. “By the way, you are looking awfully impressive today, pretty.” Shamir ignored him and referred to Byleth instead.

“So, there are two bridges connecting the other side of the canyon, should we try dividing into two groups and route the bandits at the other side? Or stick together and attack from one flank only?”

“U-Um, It might be better if we stick together for the final attack…”

Shamir nodded.

As we got ready to cross the bridge another a group of arrows came from behind flying down into our location aiming at those around Byleth, the fact was, we were not counting on the bandits actually moving their location, we weren’t the ones routing them, they were routing us. A scream was heard.

“Ashe!” Said Annette, looking almost dead. Ashe had an arrow going through his shoulder, he clearly was in pain but not strong enough to remove it, thankfully all my fighting knowledge had thought me his wound was nowhere near to being fatal.

The sound of dry dirt cracking echoed as someone fell into the ground, Shamir had an arrow shot in her stomach, and already the bleeding seemed really bad, she tried to move but couldn’t gather the strength to do so, then she painfully tried to speak but only managed to whimper.

As the group remained in shock Kostas ordered his group of bandits to charging forward, Dedue was the first to react, blocking a group of arrows with his shield that were aimed at Dimitri, Byleth also managed to dodge them on her own. But the bandits were already too close, one of them jumped with his ax into Sylvain, but he managed to block the attack, as the two of them were sparring another tried to stab Sylvain from the side, but with a quick sword swing latter and that bad guy lied dead on the ground, just a Sylvain managed to win his duel, he thanked Felix for his help.

Byleth commanded in desperation to take Shamir and Ashe into a safe place, this was enough to bring both Annette and Mercedes back into reality. Dedue also implored Dimitri to go and hide, but he quickly refused.

I got hold of Shamir’s body and mounted her on Bellfire as we ran towards the ruins, or well, the ruins of the ruins where the burned bandits were hiding. Mercedes helped Ashe walk toward the same place. As soon as we got there, Ashe took a vulnerary out of his bag for Shamir, which she snatched from his hands. Mercedes offered him another vulnerary but he refused.

Mercedes started chanting a healing spell, in between lines she was praying to the goddess, despite her best-efforts things did not look good, and I think she knew it, the four of us knew it. Shamir managed to speak a few trampled words.

“G-Go…” She took quite a few breaths, which sounded really painful. “H-Help them...”

In fear I nodded at her, got on Bellfire, both of us gathered speed as we prepared to strike back into battle. But the only thing that was on my mind was the question of how much time did Shamir had on her.

The bandits were surrounding the class into a circle; however, they were holding well enough on their own, it was clear our class was on a whole other level than the thieves, now with my help we managed to start driving them back. Frustrated at the sight Kostas screamed some nonsense insults and decided to jump into battle himself. You can always tell someone is losing when they are desperate. Kostas went for a cheap tactic and charged at Annette, who become frozen in fear after seeing the huge man aim with his ax at her

Fortunately Dimitri was quick to react and gave Kostas a huge red mark on his face, Dimitri activated his crest of Blaiddyd, Kostas swung his ax toward the prince and as he blocked the attack I could see fear was beginning to take hold of Kostas, he made one last attempt to defeat the prince but Dimitri countered, now Kostas was lying on his back, surely bleeding to death, he tried crawling away from the scene but Dimitri pinned his leg to the ground, next to him a theater of death bandits, those who remained fled the scene.

“Dimitri wait! W-We must keep him alive! He could give us valuable intel-!

“It was all that darn Flame Emperor’s fault! H-He tricked me! AGH-“ Kostas did not manage to finish his sentence as the pain caught up to him.

“Quick, someone heal him! Wait-“ Byleth ran towards Kostas and pulled a vulnerary. However, Dimitri had already cut open his neck.

“Save those for Shamir, not for disgusting dogs.”

It was hard to believe only yesterday he was smiling at laughing at the campfire. But it became much harder to believe that just yesterday Shamir had enough strength in her to yell back at me.

  
The way back to the monastery will take a minimum one day, I’m not sure she can make it for that long. Shamir, got into the same carriage with Byleth and Mercedes, the rest of us went into supply carriages to give them extra space, which of course she totally needs.

I’m glad I got to be alone, I can’t stand to see anyone thinking Shamir might die and I was not strong enough to protect her, somehow, I feel like all of this is my fault. I can’t go on, what will Catherine think? I don’t think she can manage losing her best friend, something that I am not. I am to blame, I am to blame for everything. If I was good enough, if I was a real hero none of this would be happening, maybe it was a blessing I did not arrive in past Ylisse with you Lucy, I would have only brought you all misfortune.

Maybe I am cursed like Noire, by my own mother, for never being a good daughter. Maybe Marianne was right, Bellfire is cursed, but not because of her, but rather because I bring sorrow to everything around me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Sorry for leaving the chapter on a sort of cliffhanger xD I thought it was nice ending it there, with Cynthia beginning to reflect after the fact of what happened to Shamir, and really adding the next part would've been like another 10 k words xD
> 
> Even though this took a while, I think it actually took much less than the previous chapter, taking into account the word count. The next chapter should take around the same time, so like a few weeks or a month. I just want to let you know even if it takes a while, I'm not thinking of quitting this project.
> 
> As always, any feedback is greatly appreciated! Especially in regards to plot and character, do you guys like where the story is heading? Things you would like to see, any interactions you want? Thanks!
> 
> UPDATE 18/12/20
> 
> Fixed some grammar mistakes.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, if you actually made it this far, thank you soo much for reading! I ran this thing through a spell checker and read it multiple times, still its probably gonna have spelling and grammar mistakes through it, im just not good at it. English is actually not my first language, so apologies for that. But I will go on and correct any mistakes. 
> 
> Honestly I had tons of fun writing this and I hope you guys liked reading it, any criticism are greatly appreciated :D
> 
> The nexts chapters are probably gonna take a while to come out, since I wanted to release this prologue so that I got an idea of what people thought of the general concept of the fic.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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